The End Of The Year As We Know It

Like all good journalists, at the end of the year, I'm too busy to come up with anything original, so I will follow others and do a year end perspective.

I started this blog because I was looking for an outlet to vent my hurt, sorrow and frustration over a just ending relationship.

I invited comments and boy did I get them. I never responded to anyone's comment because they were just that - comments. No one (except one, for your info "una mas cerveza" means another beer and "done esta los banos" where is the bathroom?) actually asked me a question or wanted a response.

If you only read the blog and not the comments you are missing more than 90% of the entertainment.

In preparation for the year-end blog I went back and reread all the entries and comments. I found that my editing and grammer has improved. I'm getting better at not mixing up tenses. I start in the present tense and moved to the past and back to present. See that sentence proves my point. LOL.

More importantly I discovered that the topics changed. From my crying about my life to real issues. We discussed (I call it a discussion when I blog and you comment) everything from my ridiculous and non-existent dating life to politics, religion, poverty and death. Heavy stuff - and here you thought I was just another pretty face. OK, maybe not pretty, but let's say passable and move on.

After rereading everything I discovered that life just isn't selfish stuff. I'm not 100% totally consumed with getting a date, even though some readers might not believe this. I still have to work and life happens around me. Everything is connected. Trying to get a date is still important, but so is the upcoming election, my family and friends.

I find that the blog is still an outlet to vent my hurt, sorrow and frustrations. But not just about an ending relationship anymore. It's evolved (as I have I hope) into a commentary on life in general.

For next year, I'd wish for more comments on the blog. It would be nice to get some dialoug going on the important things in all our lives.

I won't be posting to this blog as regular for a few months. As some of you know I also write a blog about American Idol. I don't promote the show and if you don't watch, for gods sake don't start now. Half the time I make fun of the people who do watch the show. When AI gets down to the last 10 or so, I start writing a weekly blog. With the writers on strike it will be interesting to see how witty and funny both Paula and Simon really are. You can read last year's blogs by going to http://wisewordsfromseattle.blogspot.com
This will be the url for this year's blog also. If you didn't read the blog last year and would like to be included in the weekly email reminder, send me an email. wiserick@gmail.com

But as weird things happen and world events scream to me to comment I will post blogs. After American Idol is over I will return to posting regular blogs here.

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and being my support group.

Have a Happy Hannakuh,
Merry Christmas,
Happy New Year and
Exciting Kwanza.

Until Next Year - Wise OUT

Live the Life

It's Sunday night and I find myself sitting in the ICU room at Providence hospital in Everett. I'm holding the hand of my aunt who is on life support. This is the woman who didn't have any kids until I was about 8 years old. For those first years, she claimed I was her kid.

I leaned up and whispered to her and started reminiscing. I'm not sure she knew I was there or if she could hear me. This was entirely for me. I told stories and found myself laughing and crying.

Then it would get quiet and I would sit back down, still holding her hand. Then I'd remember another story and get up and whispered another memory.
She was so funny and alive. She came to my 18th birthday and by the time the party was over, all my friends fell in love with her.

My oldest cousin couldn't say Roberta, so she called her Dodo. And it stuck. I remember being about 10 years old at a family reunion. My older cousin, Kevin, called her Roberta. She stopped and pointed at him. "Listen if you're too big to call me Dodo, then you call me Aunt Roberta, but never just Roberta."
I remembered that vividly and I never wanted to disappoint her so I doubled it to Aunt Dodo.

After a couple hours I leaned over and kissed her and said "I love you Aunt Dodo, Goodbye." Then I walked out never looking back.

Some people have responded to my blog stating that it's OK to stay in and watch TV. Maybe that's right. But I believe we have to live life. If there's something you want to do - do it. If there's something you want to ask or say to someone, but afraid of the answer or not wanting to feel rejection. Go ahead and do it. Rejection is a feeling, proving you are still alive.

All too soon we will be lying in a bed with someone holding our hand and whispering memories. I may want to open my eyes and tell them I love them too or share one more story. Or maybe I just want to sleep and go peacefully. One thing I do know, I do want someone holding my hand.

We all live big huge lives. Think about it, we all have family and friends. We've had jobs we liked and jobs we hated. We've had success and failure. We laugh and cry. Then we end up in a bed connected to a machine clicking away every 2 minutes.

At 3:50 they removed life support and at 4:00 Aunt Dodo had died.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

The Bible Tells Me So

This is one of the harder blogs I've written. Usually I simply write about my experiences. I guess its a slow news night. Last time I wrote about hypocrites and Republicans. Today I talk about Religion. I don't feel qualified writing this, I'm not a biblical scholar or a historian. I'm just writing my observations.

I get upset at right-wing Christians that quote the Old Testament while conveniently ignoring the lessons learned from the New Testament. The current argument they are expousing is that marriage is a holy union between one man and one woman. Well if one reads the Old Testament, marriage is actually a union between one man and several, even hundreds of women. Like I said I'm not a biblical scholar, so I guess I missed the part where the Red Seas parted and someone came forward and actually changed the definition of marriage.

They quote Leviticus as proof that homosexuality is a sin. People should try reading the entire book of Leviticus and discover that homosexuality is the same degree of a sin as eating shrimp. Think about that the next time you visit the Red Lobster.

There is a minister from Kansas that protests at the funerals of soldiers that have died in Iraq and Afghanastan. He and his followers claim the soldiers deserved to die because of the liberal policies of the US toward gay rights. I can't imagine what it would be like being a parent or a brother of one of these soldiers. Shame on anyone who does or thinks this.

Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Moslem, Buddhist, Hindu, Pagen or an atheist, we should all live by the words and wisdom of Jesus, Budda, Ghandi, and Martin Luther King Jr.

Gay bashing has been in the news lately. Seven gay men have been beaten on Capital Hill since this June. Those that claim and preach that being gay is a sin are adding fuel to the fire and are as guilty as the people doing the beating.

I highly recommend the movie "For The Bible Tells Me So".

If we live the words, the world would be a better place. Now go and live your life and be kind to each other.
Let It Be So
Amen
Shalom
Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Walk The Talk

We all know people who say one thing, but then do and act another way. Most of the time it's just irratating and we can simply avoid them. Take note if I have avoided you lately. LOL.
However, when these people have some sort of hold or power over us then it's more than annoying, it is personal and important.

Just recently, Idaho Republican (is there another party in Idaho?), Larry Craig was arrested for soliciting an undercover cop in the Minneapolis airport. Earlier in his career there were rumors of him fooling around with male congressional pages.

Then last week, another Republican right here in our state (yes, we do have some Republicans), a state representative from Vancouver was "outed" after he reported to the Police that a male hustler was trying to blackmail him. Let's call this representative GOP.

Here's what we do know about the most recent event:
GOP was in Spokane attending a Republican state meeting. He went to an adult bookstore wearing red fishnet stockings. He met a young (very cute by the way) male, let's call him HOT. They went back to GOP's hotel. Everyone involved agrees with the story so far. Now there seems to be 3 different versions.

GOP's version: "We went back to the hotel and talked for a while, then I gave him $300 for gas." (Even in these days of Republican caused higher gas prices, I'm not sure what kind of car could take that much gas, but I digress).
"He asked for more money, but I didn't have any more. He took my wallet and id. He called me the next day and threatened to tell them that we had sex unless I paid him $1000. I called the police to report him." (For our story we'll simply call the police, POLICE.

HOT's version: "We went back to the hotel and had sex. He gave me $300. The next day, I'm arrested."

POLICE'S version: "We got a call from GOP saying he did have sex with HOT and paid him $300. HOT wanted more but GOP refused. HOT threatened to go public if he didn't get the money. Then GOP called the police."

Three versions of the same story. You choose. In this case (and it's not always so), but I think I believe the POLICE version.

These politicians don't realize the problem isn't that they are gay, or even that they are closeted. But the problem is that they consistently vote against gay rights. They both were powerful and have stopped legislation that is fair and long overdue. Both of these public Republicans have been very anti-gay in their voting and public statements. This just gives fodder to those unstable hate mongers. So these public people are dangerous. They will do anything to protect their secret. If you can't walk the talk, at least change the talk.

A couple blogs ago I stated that I had never met a gay Republican before, now I'm thinking that they are all gay, closeted but gay. GOP used to stand for Grand Old Party.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Sex For Tacos

I met Jose on the beach of Puerto Vallarta. He was playing in the waves and everytime it knocked him over he would pop up from the water laughing. He had a great smile. He was small, a few inches shorter than me and probably 20 lbs lighter. Except for the height he was my ideal weight. But hey, I'm trying.

He looked 15, but insisted that he was 19. The "legal" age in Mexico is 18 but it seemed every young looking kid there was 19, not 18, not 20 always 19.

As I got up to leave, he followed me up the beach. He ran and caught up with me and told me his name, his age and that he was hungry and would do anything for some food. I bought him 2 tacos on the beach and went back to my hotel.

That night I saw Jose again at Frida's my favorite bar. He came up to me and offered me a sex act for food. I told him I'd buy him some food. Right there in the bar, he got on his knees and started to pull my pants down. "No, Jose get up" I demanded. I bent down and picked him back up. "No sex" I tell him. He starts to cry. "No, it's OK, I will get you food". He then smiled. I went out in the street and bought him some food. He ate the tacos and I told him to go home. He told me his parents had died and he had no home. He lived on the beach!

Every day I was there I'd make sure he had something to eat. On my last day, I'm sitting on the beach and a guy I'd never seen before comes running up to me and says my friend Jose needs me and to bring my towel. It seems a big wave had knocked him down and his oversized basket ball shorts had fallen off and disappeared in the tide.

I went into the water and wrapped the towel around him. He was crying. I took him up to the bars bathroom where he showered. I went and got his only possessions. A little plastic bag that had a shirt and jeans. He had no shoes.

I had brought 2 swimming suits and a pair of flip flops. I went back to my hotel and brought the extra suit a tshirt and my flip flops. I gave them to Jose.

I can't judge what Jose does or has to do to survive. But I can be grateful that for 4 days he could take a break. He didn't have to worry about food. I learned a lot from this little boy. He had absolutely nothing, yet he was happy, he could laugh, and he had friends. I think about the many times, I'm feeling blue and crying . I always joke that my life is pathetic. Then I usually put a LOL (Laugh Out Loud for those unfamiliar with the new talk) afterwards. But after meeting Jose I realize my life isn't pathetic, I'm pathetic. How dare me feel sorry for myself. We take a lot for granted, but in reality there's a lot more people in the world like Jose than there are like you and me.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Is It Cheating?

Last week I asked for no comments and I ended up with 5 comments, 6 emails, 2 phone calls and a visit in person. Just like gay.com the best hook up line is "not looking for a hook up". It's as if it's a challenge. You are guaranteed a hook up every time. I save this line for when I'm really desperate.

Speaking of desperate, I just recently returned from a trip to Puerto Vallarta. This is the annual Boyz Fest. Last year it was held in Palm Springs. I know there's prostitutes everywhere but it's so obvious in Mexico.

It's amazing how many old, fat, ugly guys go down there alone and within hours have a cute Mexican guy escorting them around the city, sometimes for weeks at a time. Not sure how much it costs but I'm not that desperate yet. Now maybe when I go down next year I will be that desperate. Then I'll really have interesting stories to blog about.

I wish I could write that I found the "love of my life" down there, but I can't. I did meet Oswaldo at Frida's (an old gay cantina bar) the first night. I was sitting at one end of the bar and he was at the other. We did the international gay eye contact thing (I wonder if Senator Craig knows this secret too?). He came over and started talking to me. He was originally from Guadalajara, but had moved to Puerto Vallarta about 5 years before. He was 35 and spoke good English, which is good since my 3 years of high school and 4 years of college Spanish suck. I can say una mas cerveza por favor y donde esta el banos?

We stayed at the bar talking until 2:30am and then he walked me back to the hotel. What a gentleman! He kissed me goodnight, then left. I thought that would be the last I would see him, but he showed up at the Blue Chairs on the beach the next afternoon. We spent a few hours on the beach, in the ocean and drinking mas cervezas. He then asked if I wanted to go back to his house, (casa).

His place was amazing, very beautiful, he had a swimming pool in his living room! We didn't talk about what he did for a living but he was out the night before and at the beach during the day. He actually bought the drinks at the bar and all the food and drinks on the beach too.
Anyway we got in his pool and started making out. One thing led to another and he pulled me out and took me to his bedroom. But then I stopped it. For some reason I had a feeling that I was cheating, which is totally bizarre. I'm single, and not even a hope of a date let alone a boy friend.

I apologized to him and got dressed. He was such a gentleman, he again escorted me back to the hotel. I saw him again a few times at the bar and the beach. He would buy me a beer but didn't try anything or ask me out again.

I've done things in my life that I'm ashamed of, and I've done things that I should be ashamed of but with Oswaldo no matter what would have happened it would not have been a shameful thing.

It's been a couple weeks since I've been back and I'm still confused about the cheating feeling. Wish there was a witty ending to this story, but there's not, just confusion.

Next time I blog about poverty or sex for food.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

What Price Happiness

Have you ever killed anyone? Or destroyed someone so bad that they have no reason to live? Well I have.

Everyone has a "coming out" story, and like I said in previous blogs, I'm not going to bore you with mine. But it seems that most "coming outs" produce consequences. Lives change. Sometimes younger guys are thrown out of their house and have to live on the streets. Sometimes families are accepting, some not. But one thing is common and true: It's never the same.

After I came out (or pushed out), my life actually changed for the better. I was finally comfortable with myself. I got my own place, found out I had a flair for decorating (I am gay, you know), and discovered who my real friends were.

But in the process I totally destroyed my oldest and best friend and mother of my two beautiful daughters. She of course blames me for her drinking, which I know isn't true. She had been drinking excessively for years before. I should have dealt with this problem before I left. It is now the responsibility for her kids to get her help.

She is correct, however, when she blames me for destroying and changing her life. She has always needed someone to take care of her. That was my job and I abandonded her. She now has to work this out, but she's not strong enough to do this on her own. She has family and friends to help her, but she's pushing them away.

I'm now questioning myself. Was it really worth the destruction of one human being so I could be happy? I think the price was too high.

Until Next Time - Wise - OUT

Show Me The Money

We are all inundated with pleas and requests for money. There are literally hundreds of charities and causes that want our money. And that's not counting the people you work with who bring in Girl Scout cookies and catalogues full of junk.
Who buys wrapping paper from the guy in the next cubicle?? Remember when we were kids? we had to go door to door selling this crap. Now the parents just bring it to work.

Anyway my point is, there are lots of good charities and causes out there. I don't have enough money to support them all. I have to read up and decide which ones I will support.
I send money to those that I feel will do the best job on the issues that I care about. Monthly I have money automatically sent to Lifelong AIDS Alliance. After going to some board meetings and reading about them on the web I decided that this is a very good organization. Go to the web site and check it out:

www.lifelongaidsalliance.org

You have to be very special to get my money, unless you are a good looking boy. I wonder if I can get a charitable tax deduction from some of the dates I have been on? Anyway besides Lifelong, I send money to HRC, my Unitarian Church and Hillary. I used to feel guilty when I'd get a pledge card in the mail from a really good organization, but didn't have any money to send them. But because of therapy, I have very little guilt left in me. And the guilt I do have is reserved for more serious personal issues. I just do what I can and I don't feel bad about the stuff I can't do.

This Saturday, September 29 is the Seattle AIDS Walk. All proceeds will go to Lifelong AIDS Alliance.
Alaska Airlines does have a team for the AIDS Walk. The team was organized by Justin Giossi. If you know Justin, you know that he isn't just another pretty face, with a posse of hot boys by his side. No, he is very dedicated and we are lucky to have him organize our team. He is one of those guys that we all want to be. So if you want to join the team, or if you can't walk but would like to donate, please follow this link and do what you think is right.

http://www.lifelongevents.org/site/TR?team_id=7260&pg=team&fr_id=1160&s_tafId=6994

In conjunction with the AIDS Walk there is a Bachelor Auction on Thursday at the Havana Social Club, 1010 E. Pike Street. Don't worry, I'm not one of the guys up for sale. For one thing, they wouldn't make any money. As I read on restroom walls, "I'm cheap and easy". Or did I write that? Not sure but it doesn't matter. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, "Why pay for something, you can get for free?"

The Auction will be a lot of fun. Come on out and bid on a hot boy. There might be hot girls for sale too, I'm not sure how these things are organized. And the Havana Social Club is a lot of fun.

So my advice is (remember how much you are paying for this advice), do what you think is right, and do what you can to help.

I'm going to Mexico for a while, so I won't be blogging for a while. It's time to get out there and live a little and get more material for the blog. As always, you can post comments here or email them to me at wiserick@gmail.com

Until next time - Wise - OUT.

SEX, LIES, and the INTERNET

In the bars people lie about their jobs, their income and their cars. On the internet people lie about all that and more. Online we can be anything and anyone we want.

If someone just wants to have cyber, then it really doesn't matter if you lie about everything. In fact it can be a fun fantasy. But if there's a chance you are actually going to meet someone in person, you need to be careful about your lies. Below are a couple hints for lying:
1. Income - online most people really don't care about this, so if you have to lie, save it for something more important.
2. Age - ask your friends and strangers how old you look. And trust the strangers more than your friends. Generally anything more than 5 years is probably going to get you caught.
3. Weight - most people know their own weight, so they are going to compare themselves to you. You should be safe with a 5 to 10 lb lie. Anything beyond that - you're on your own.
4. Height - again if you actually meet someone they will be able to tell fairly soon how tall you really are. Don't add more than an inch to your height. In fact that same rule applies to any other organ you want or need to exaggerate about.

If you post a picture make sure it's you and fairly recent. I met a guy in his 40's that had posted his high school graduation picture. Except that he was 20+ years older he still had his 1980's mullet hair. Needless to say that was not an enjoyable experience.

This is the third and last of the series of guys who answered my Craigs List ad.

His picture was hot, he said he was a construction worker. With the picture and occupation, I had dreams of that Coca Cola ad where the guy without a shirt is drinking the Coke.
We made a date to meet at a restaurant.

That night he called me about an hour before we were to meet. He said he had worked overtime and was tired and asked if we could just go to his place and watch a video. I should have learned my lesson from the blinking tshirt guy, (see previous blogs) but no, I said OK. Images of drinking Coca Cola was going through my head.

I got to his building and rang the doorbell. Someone answered and said come in.
I asked if my date was there and he said he was my date!
He was not the guy in the picture and certainly not a construction worker. He was older, fatter and frankly quite ugly.
The door slammed shut, and locked.
He tells me I have to sign in. For some reason I sign my name in a ledger. I'm in total confusion. I just walked into twilight zone.
He takes me back to his room.
He tells me that this is a half way house. I never learned what kind but I never saw an ankle bracelet. He comes over to me and tells me he just wants to have sex. He doesn't really want to date, watch a video or even drink Coke.

To his credit, he was understanding when I said, "Hell, NO, and I wanted to leave".
He walked me to the door, signed me out and unlocked the door.

Walking home I was very confused. How can someone lie like that? And more important, do these weird things just happen to me??

Until Next Time - WISE OUT.

Grandpa @ 40

It started out interesting. He answered my Craigslist ad. I asked if he wanted to meet at Starbucks for a coffee. He said he lived down by the airport. I said fine, let's meet at the Southcenter Starbucks.

He answered that he was a little scared, he hadn't dated in years, and wasn't sure what to do. I wrote back, well we go into the coffee shop, stand in line and order what we want to drink. Since it's a first date, we will each pay our own way. We get our drinks, sit down and talk a little while. If we have a good time and like each other, we arrange another date.

He answered, "No, I mean about kissing and sex."
I answered, that I was pretty sure that Starbucks frowned on having sex in their store, and depending on the location of the Starbucks, kissing was probably out also, especially in south Seattle.

So we met. I was anticipating a good time, because I thought our emails were witty and fun. He shows up and he's wearing a torn dirty tshirt and has greasy long hair. (Always ask for a picture). I guess you don't have to look your best for ME, but please take a shower.

We get our drinks and I start asking the usual questions: Where are you from? Seatac (who in the hell is really from Seatac?) He was raised in the trailer court just next to the building I work in. Well we have the Hood in common. He tells me, he got married when he was 15. He got the girl in the trailer next door pregnant. Supposedly, parents can sign their kids away at 15 and get them married off. So he has a couple kids. At 18 he joined the Navy. At 21 he gets discharged from the Navy because "he told - and someone asked." He got divorced, but is still friends with his wife.

His daughter got married at the ripe old age of 16, she's a slower learner than her parents.
So this guy with greasy hair and no personality who just turned 4o has grandkids. And he has pictures. We spent most of the next hour looking at kids. "Sweet cute kids" is what I say, of course I'm thinking just the opposite.

Am I snob? I did not come from a priviliged background. I'm from Spokane for gods sake. And the Hillyard neighborhood at that. I remember as a kid waiting in line for free government cheese. Is it something more than your net worth? I have friends that I hang out with that probably make less than he makes. I personally know people that have had a rougher life than this guy. What is it? After the date I examined the date. I realized that he wasn't witty on the email. I was witty. He was nothing. Is this a class thing ?

My opinions and my judgements on this guy have had me examinging my own values. I won't see the guy again, I just have nothing in common with him. But part of me can relate with him, It makes me scared. Do you have thoughts or opinions about class and different values? Have you ever experienced anything like this? The most important question I have: "Am I a snob?"

Next Blog - Halfway House Boy
Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Craigs List

"Somewhere Out There in this big city there's someone for me.
Looking for a nice guy to go to movies, ballgames, and just hang out with. I like to travel and take midnight walks. No smokers please. Height and weight close to proportional, I know how hard this can be as we get older. Ages 30 - 50 give or take 5 to 10 years. If closer to 30 please be free of drama and be ready for a relationship. If closer to 50 please look and act younger. If this is you and I'm what you are looking for, send me an email and let's get together for coffee or something and see if there's any chemistry."

OK that's what my Craigs list ad said. Not 10 minutes after the posting, I get an email. WOW this is terrific. I open the email and there's a pic (that's what we bloggers call pictures) of nothing but a huge erect penis. I don't think I've ever used that word before, but I have to watch my language on this site. Anyway besides the pic there's just one word, "Interested?"

I go back and reread my ad and see if there was anything in the ad that someone could have taken the wrong way. Maybe my reference to ballgames? I looked again and I accidently posted my ad to the Craigs list site for hookups, not dating. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I had to call Mr. Not So Perfect and ask for help. After laughing hysterically, he guided me through the process to remove it and repost it to the right site.

Within 3 days I got 4 responses that sounded promising. I will write about 3 of them. Only the bizarre get mentioned here on my blog. I don't want everyone thinking that if you date me, you will be exposed and written about.

My 3 "interesting" guys will be known as Halfway House Boy, 40 Year Old Grandpa and this blog's story Mr. Republican.

We emailed back and forth a few times over a week and decided to meet Saturday afternoon at Golden Gardens Park in Edmonds. By the way if you have never been there, you have to do that sometime, it's beautiful. We walk along the beach and end up at a restaurant where we order fish n chips and beer. He orders Bud Light. Oh Oh.

It wasn't the most boring time I've ever had but it wasn't very exciting either. I was ready to go home. He insisted on paying. Oh Oh, now I owe him a lunch. So we make plans to meet the next Wednesday night at Anthony's in Edmonds. As we are walking out, he says "you are way better than the last blind date I had."
I say, " what do you mean?"
He says, "that guy was a Democrat."
I stop in my tracks, "what do you mean? I am a Democrat. Are you a Republican? "
He says "yes".
I say, " Wow, I've never met a gay Republican before." Of course I'm not hanging out in the bathrooms at the airport.

He says "at least you don't always talk about politics."
Of course he really doesn't know me too well. But trying not to be prejudice, I live up to my committment and still show up on Wednesday. There was an awkward silence for the first 10 minutes, then he starts telling me about his hunting trip last year. As far as I was concerned, he could have been talking about walking the halls of the school with a shot gun. I was appalled. I couldn't eat fast enough, paid the bill and said good night.

Now I know why I'm a Democrat. Have you ever had an encounter with a Republican? Was it fun?

Next Time - the second guy from Craigs List.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

I'm a Dick

It just didn't seem right, Mr. Not So Perfect and Best Friend were out having fun and I was at home feeling sick. Maybe I needed to start dating. So after a whopping 2 days of mourning, I went online and started chatting with guys.
By the way there are two tag lines that will get guys chatting with you immediately. One is "just dumped by boy friend" and "not looking for hookups".

So I quickly started chatting with, let's call him "Nice Guy". We chatted for over an hour and set up a meeting the next evening at Starbucks.

We both arrived at 6. He definitely got points for punctionality. We started talking and he was cute, and very interesting. Then he started talking about his recent trip to Victoria. Mr. Not So Perfect and I stayed at the same hotel and we did just about the same things as Nice Guy.

It brought back memories and I started to tear up. I excused myself and ran and got the key to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I couldn't stop crying, and then I got sick and threw up - NICE. I cleaned up and returned the key, and walked out and went home. To my knowledge Nice Guy is still sitting there waiting for me to return.

I don't have his phone number or email, and I have not seen him online since. I was not ready to go out and start dating. Treating Nice Guy like this, just made me feel worse. Have you ever been mean to someone you dated?

I stayed home depressed for another week. Then I started venturing out again with friends or by myself. It's funny, places that you used to go with Mr. Not So Perfect or Best Friend used to be really friendly. Kind of like Cheers, Everybody Knows Your Name, and They're Always Glad You Came. Places where the cute boys would talk and flirt with you. But when you come in alone, it's like you have a bright pink L painted on your forehead. Nobody talks or even looks at you anymore.

What's with this Seattle attitude? Has anybody had experiences like this? If you are alone, you are a looser and nobody wants to talk to you. If you are with someone, then you seem worthy of conversation.

Let's stop this attitude now. Next time you are at a bar or restaurant and you see someone alone, walk over and say Hi. You don't have to give him a blow job. Just start a conversation. It is amazing how many interesting people are out there, just waiting to share their story. You will be richer for the experience.

Mr. Not So Perfect posted a comment on this blog that we all learn something from our relationships. I feel bad for Nice Guy, and I feel sorry for all those sitting alone somewhere just waiting for someone to come up and say "Hey, how's it going?" I've learned many things since the Breakup. I hope I am now a more patient person. And I hope I never treat anyone like I treated Nice Guy.

If anyone has heard this story from Nice Guy, please send me his email or phone, I need to apologize.

Send me your stories of when you weren't the best you could be. Next time I actually put an ad on Craigslist.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Dating?

Now that I'm suddenly single, I have to think about dating again. The only experience I had before Mr. Not So Perfect (see I do listen to the comments), was a disaster. It really wasn't even a date.

It was mid October last year. I had started drinking very early that day and I had quite a buzz on when I was up on the hill at Manray's (yes the center of intellectual conversation). Standing in line for another drink, I notice the guy behind me is wearing a blinking Star Trek t-shirt. First clue to keep my mouth shut. "Very Cool shirt", I say. He says thanks and we buy each other a couple drinks. After a while we head on down the road to Neighbors to dance.

We dance for a while, and he drags me out to the alley where we start making out. Then we go back in, and after a few more dances and drinks, we go back out to the alley. About the third time, he keeps walking and we end up getting in his car and we drive off. It is true what your mother said, "DO NOT GET IN CARS WITH BOYS". Of course I'm not paying attention to where we are going. We end up at his place.

We walk into his place and I swear to god there is this almost life size model of the StarShip Enterprise. This is my second clue to run. "Wow, really cool almost life size model of the StarShip Enterprise", I say. He gets really excited, and comes over and takes off my shirt. He then says, I want to bareback you. WHOA, there's a whole bunch wrong with this. If you don't know what barebacking is, just believe me it is very unsafe, and I'm not doing that, no matter how drunk I am or how cool his tshirt is. I pull away and say NO!

He comes at me again and I push him away again. He out weighs me by about 50 lbs. He grabs me, and now I'm scared and mad, I push him hard and run out of his place. The door slams behind me, and holy crap, it's f''en cold out, I don't have a shirt on and I have no idea where I am. My options are to knock on the door, get my shirt and get directions or just start walking.

I decide to walk. My cell phone is at home, but I think I will run into a cab or a cop or something. You know at 3:15 in the morning there's not a lot of people driving around. It's foggy out so I have to walk right up to the street signs to see them. After about 10 minutes of walking I run into the Group Health Hospital. OK now I know where I am. I'm still miles from my place, but I feel a little better, freezing but better. Never saw a car the whole walk home.

Got home just before 4am. Had to walk thru the lobby where the guard I'm sure was wondering what happened to me. But I was in no mood to talk.

OK start the comments coming in about how stupid I was. My questions to you this week are:
What was your worst date?
Have you ever hooked up with a real looser?

Since this was my only experience before Mr. No So Perfect, I was not looking forward to hitting this scene again.

Next blog I actually do get out of the house and have a real date.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

The BreakUp

There were problems before The BreakUp. We talked about and argued about ending it two other times. In fact we were both on probation when it happened. Mr. Perfect was leaving in a couple weeks for Vermont. He was going to a friends wedding and visiting his parents. This was a trip that months before we had planned on going to together. But as it got closer, he told me he wasn't ready for me to meet his family. He hadn't come out to them yet. OK, everyone has to do it when they are ready.

I was disappointed. I wanted to meet his friends and see Vermont. He always had stories of the place, his friends and his parents. We looked his little town up in a old book we found in the library. I was so much looking forward to going and sharing this with him.

I also noticed that besides a couple friends in Seattle, he never introduced me to his other friends. He talked a lot about them but he never wanted us to meet. I really felt like he was ashamed of me.

Before his trip we decided we would take the week that he was gone and really think about our relationship. When he got back each of us would say Yes, I want to make it work, or No, it's over. If either of us said No, it was over.

The night we broke up he was at Manray's with his ex girl friend. I showed up and we were having a good time. But then she told me she was taking off work to spend some time with his brother who was coming to town that weekend. I was told by Mr. Perfect that he didn't want me showing up. He wasn't ready for brother to meet boy friend. I got mad, his ex girl friend could meet brother but not current boy friend! I confronted him right in the middle of the bar, he said I was overreacting. I asked "you want to break up" he said YES.
THE END

He really was a good boy friend but he had issues, as so did I. But he didn't turn out to be a good ex boy friend. At least not at first. I found out that that Mr. Perfect and Best Friend (see last weeks blog) spent the night we broke up together. They both say nothing happened and I (I know send me your comments) believe them. They did start kind of dating right after that.

I think that's what made me so upset. I'm sitting home crying and Mr. Perfect and Best Friend are going out and having fun. When Mr. Perfect did go to Vermont he texted and called Best Friend, bought him presents and was really hoping for a new relationship. This was my trip and he was sharing it with Best Friend. I lost a boy friend and a best friend.

I tried to keep emotion out of this version of the story. Today Mr. Perfect and Best Friend aren't dating. Not sure if its over or if it never really began. They are still friends and text and call each other regularly. I think Mr. Perfect would like to expand the relationship. Not sure about Best Friend. I've known him about 2 years and I'm still not sure of what he wants or his intentions.

Mr. Perfect has come out to just about everyone at his new job. I'm very proud of him for this.

Both Mr. Perfect and Best Friend want to remain friends with me. And I do answer their texts. I have fun when I'm with them. Enough time has gone by that the hurt has not been forgotten but it has faded.

My questions to you this week:
1. Do I stay friends? with one or both?
2. Was anyone guilty of anything?
3. Have you experienced anything like this?
4. Should I just grow up and get over this?

Friends

How does one define a friend?

My cousin and I have had this discussion and we came up with a hierarchary. You have "A" friends, and "B" friends and so on and so on. As your life changes and people move in and out of your life, friends move up and down the scale. We all only have so much time to devote to friends, so we have to make choices. Of course your "A" friends get most of your time and energy.

But what makes an "A" class friend? Post your ideas to the Blog.

This is a story of a particular friend. This guy started out as a complete stranger and very rapidly became a very big influence on my life. This guy will be known as Best Friend. He will be in future blogs, as he plays a big role in what's going on today. I have laughed and cried because of Best Friend.

Most relationships start out as friends. Eventually some of these move beyond friendships to dating then maybe partners. So how does this happen? I'm sure we've all been in the situation where we want the friendship to be more. Or we've been on the otherside and our friend wants it to be more. But we really weren't interested. How did you handle that?

I made the mistake of telling my friend that I wanted to take it to another step. He did not want this and said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I took him at his word, and in my mind I thought OK soon he would be ready. I was always there for him, supported him in many ways, and did whatever it took to be a good friend. He never came around until Mr. Perfect entered the picture. (see prior posting). Now what do you do? The guy you wanted is suddenly available but you aren't.

Best Friend says he loves all his friends, but its love with a little l. Not the big L stuff.
Best Friend gave me a gift that I have hanging on my refrigerator. It says "May friendship, like wine, improve as time goes by." Now that a lot of time has gone by, I'm not sure if it has improved or has already turned to vinegar.

The whole friendship thing is a strange concept. Best Friend told me yesterday that friends are fun to hang out with, but nothing more, you don't want to trust them or get too involved. I thought that's what friends were. Someone you can really depend on. Am I wrong in this?

Send me your definitions of friendship. Have you fallen in love with a friend? How did that work out? If you don't want to post something public, go ahead and send me an email to wiserick@gmail.com.

Me makes One

Being gay and single in Seattle is not a fun experience. After the breakup (more on this in later blogs), I find myself single again.

I have to evaluate my feelings. I'm alone, and I feel sick. Is it I miss my ex (Mr. Perfect) or do I miss the idea of a relationship? I miss the daily emails that I sent him with a song of the day. The reading of the Sunday paper with him, trying to get him to understand the idea of rotating the piles between read and unread. The walks to Top Pot donuts.

Is it the loss of him specifically or the loss of having someone to share these moments?



This is my blog. It won't always be negative nor will it always be funny.; It will be real. My true feelings about relationships, and life in general.



I realize I'm not alone and breakups happen all the time. But that doesn't make me feel any better.



I'd like to share my feelings and experiences, but I also invite you to post comments. Maybe share your experiences, or tell me I'm all wet, or offer advice.



Alone, gay in Seattle is what this is all about. I'd like to say I'd post a comment every day or every week, but those of you that know me, know that I can't live with that kind of committment, maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend anymore.



Anyway, lets do this together.



Until next time - Wise OUT.