Craigs List

"Somewhere Out There in this big city there's someone for me.
Looking for a nice guy to go to movies, ballgames, and just hang out with. I like to travel and take midnight walks. No smokers please. Height and weight close to proportional, I know how hard this can be as we get older. Ages 30 - 50 give or take 5 to 10 years. If closer to 30 please be free of drama and be ready for a relationship. If closer to 50 please look and act younger. If this is you and I'm what you are looking for, send me an email and let's get together for coffee or something and see if there's any chemistry."

OK that's what my Craigs list ad said. Not 10 minutes after the posting, I get an email. WOW this is terrific. I open the email and there's a pic (that's what we bloggers call pictures) of nothing but a huge erect penis. I don't think I've ever used that word before, but I have to watch my language on this site. Anyway besides the pic there's just one word, "Interested?"

I go back and reread my ad and see if there was anything in the ad that someone could have taken the wrong way. Maybe my reference to ballgames? I looked again and I accidently posted my ad to the Craigs list site for hookups, not dating. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I had to call Mr. Not So Perfect and ask for help. After laughing hysterically, he guided me through the process to remove it and repost it to the right site.

Within 3 days I got 4 responses that sounded promising. I will write about 3 of them. Only the bizarre get mentioned here on my blog. I don't want everyone thinking that if you date me, you will be exposed and written about.

My 3 "interesting" guys will be known as Halfway House Boy, 40 Year Old Grandpa and this blog's story Mr. Republican.

We emailed back and forth a few times over a week and decided to meet Saturday afternoon at Golden Gardens Park in Edmonds. By the way if you have never been there, you have to do that sometime, it's beautiful. We walk along the beach and end up at a restaurant where we order fish n chips and beer. He orders Bud Light. Oh Oh.

It wasn't the most boring time I've ever had but it wasn't very exciting either. I was ready to go home. He insisted on paying. Oh Oh, now I owe him a lunch. So we make plans to meet the next Wednesday night at Anthony's in Edmonds. As we are walking out, he says "you are way better than the last blind date I had."
I say, " what do you mean?"
He says, "that guy was a Democrat."
I stop in my tracks, "what do you mean? I am a Democrat. Are you a Republican? "
He says "yes".
I say, " Wow, I've never met a gay Republican before." Of course I'm not hanging out in the bathrooms at the airport.

He says "at least you don't always talk about politics."
Of course he really doesn't know me too well. But trying not to be prejudice, I live up to my committment and still show up on Wednesday. There was an awkward silence for the first 10 minutes, then he starts telling me about his hunting trip last year. As far as I was concerned, he could have been talking about walking the halls of the school with a shot gun. I was appalled. I couldn't eat fast enough, paid the bill and said good night.

Now I know why I'm a Democrat. Have you ever had an encounter with a Republican? Was it fun?

Next Time - the second guy from Craigs List.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

I'm a Dick

It just didn't seem right, Mr. Not So Perfect and Best Friend were out having fun and I was at home feeling sick. Maybe I needed to start dating. So after a whopping 2 days of mourning, I went online and started chatting with guys.
By the way there are two tag lines that will get guys chatting with you immediately. One is "just dumped by boy friend" and "not looking for hookups".

So I quickly started chatting with, let's call him "Nice Guy". We chatted for over an hour and set up a meeting the next evening at Starbucks.

We both arrived at 6. He definitely got points for punctionality. We started talking and he was cute, and very interesting. Then he started talking about his recent trip to Victoria. Mr. Not So Perfect and I stayed at the same hotel and we did just about the same things as Nice Guy.

It brought back memories and I started to tear up. I excused myself and ran and got the key to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I couldn't stop crying, and then I got sick and threw up - NICE. I cleaned up and returned the key, and walked out and went home. To my knowledge Nice Guy is still sitting there waiting for me to return.

I don't have his phone number or email, and I have not seen him online since. I was not ready to go out and start dating. Treating Nice Guy like this, just made me feel worse. Have you ever been mean to someone you dated?

I stayed home depressed for another week. Then I started venturing out again with friends or by myself. It's funny, places that you used to go with Mr. Not So Perfect or Best Friend used to be really friendly. Kind of like Cheers, Everybody Knows Your Name, and They're Always Glad You Came. Places where the cute boys would talk and flirt with you. But when you come in alone, it's like you have a bright pink L painted on your forehead. Nobody talks or even looks at you anymore.

What's with this Seattle attitude? Has anybody had experiences like this? If you are alone, you are a looser and nobody wants to talk to you. If you are with someone, then you seem worthy of conversation.

Let's stop this attitude now. Next time you are at a bar or restaurant and you see someone alone, walk over and say Hi. You don't have to give him a blow job. Just start a conversation. It is amazing how many interesting people are out there, just waiting to share their story. You will be richer for the experience.

Mr. Not So Perfect posted a comment on this blog that we all learn something from our relationships. I feel bad for Nice Guy, and I feel sorry for all those sitting alone somewhere just waiting for someone to come up and say "Hey, how's it going?" I've learned many things since the Breakup. I hope I am now a more patient person. And I hope I never treat anyone like I treated Nice Guy.

If anyone has heard this story from Nice Guy, please send me his email or phone, I need to apologize.

Send me your stories of when you weren't the best you could be. Next time I actually put an ad on Craigslist.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Dating?

Now that I'm suddenly single, I have to think about dating again. The only experience I had before Mr. Not So Perfect (see I do listen to the comments), was a disaster. It really wasn't even a date.

It was mid October last year. I had started drinking very early that day and I had quite a buzz on when I was up on the hill at Manray's (yes the center of intellectual conversation). Standing in line for another drink, I notice the guy behind me is wearing a blinking Star Trek t-shirt. First clue to keep my mouth shut. "Very Cool shirt", I say. He says thanks and we buy each other a couple drinks. After a while we head on down the road to Neighbors to dance.

We dance for a while, and he drags me out to the alley where we start making out. Then we go back in, and after a few more dances and drinks, we go back out to the alley. About the third time, he keeps walking and we end up getting in his car and we drive off. It is true what your mother said, "DO NOT GET IN CARS WITH BOYS". Of course I'm not paying attention to where we are going. We end up at his place.

We walk into his place and I swear to god there is this almost life size model of the StarShip Enterprise. This is my second clue to run. "Wow, really cool almost life size model of the StarShip Enterprise", I say. He gets really excited, and comes over and takes off my shirt. He then says, I want to bareback you. WHOA, there's a whole bunch wrong with this. If you don't know what barebacking is, just believe me it is very unsafe, and I'm not doing that, no matter how drunk I am or how cool his tshirt is. I pull away and say NO!

He comes at me again and I push him away again. He out weighs me by about 50 lbs. He grabs me, and now I'm scared and mad, I push him hard and run out of his place. The door slams behind me, and holy crap, it's f''en cold out, I don't have a shirt on and I have no idea where I am. My options are to knock on the door, get my shirt and get directions or just start walking.

I decide to walk. My cell phone is at home, but I think I will run into a cab or a cop or something. You know at 3:15 in the morning there's not a lot of people driving around. It's foggy out so I have to walk right up to the street signs to see them. After about 10 minutes of walking I run into the Group Health Hospital. OK now I know where I am. I'm still miles from my place, but I feel a little better, freezing but better. Never saw a car the whole walk home.

Got home just before 4am. Had to walk thru the lobby where the guard I'm sure was wondering what happened to me. But I was in no mood to talk.

OK start the comments coming in about how stupid I was. My questions to you this week are:
What was your worst date?
Have you ever hooked up with a real looser?

Since this was my only experience before Mr. No So Perfect, I was not looking forward to hitting this scene again.

Next blog I actually do get out of the house and have a real date.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

The BreakUp

There were problems before The BreakUp. We talked about and argued about ending it two other times. In fact we were both on probation when it happened. Mr. Perfect was leaving in a couple weeks for Vermont. He was going to a friends wedding and visiting his parents. This was a trip that months before we had planned on going to together. But as it got closer, he told me he wasn't ready for me to meet his family. He hadn't come out to them yet. OK, everyone has to do it when they are ready.

I was disappointed. I wanted to meet his friends and see Vermont. He always had stories of the place, his friends and his parents. We looked his little town up in a old book we found in the library. I was so much looking forward to going and sharing this with him.

I also noticed that besides a couple friends in Seattle, he never introduced me to his other friends. He talked a lot about them but he never wanted us to meet. I really felt like he was ashamed of me.

Before his trip we decided we would take the week that he was gone and really think about our relationship. When he got back each of us would say Yes, I want to make it work, or No, it's over. If either of us said No, it was over.

The night we broke up he was at Manray's with his ex girl friend. I showed up and we were having a good time. But then she told me she was taking off work to spend some time with his brother who was coming to town that weekend. I was told by Mr. Perfect that he didn't want me showing up. He wasn't ready for brother to meet boy friend. I got mad, his ex girl friend could meet brother but not current boy friend! I confronted him right in the middle of the bar, he said I was overreacting. I asked "you want to break up" he said YES.
THE END

He really was a good boy friend but he had issues, as so did I. But he didn't turn out to be a good ex boy friend. At least not at first. I found out that that Mr. Perfect and Best Friend (see last weeks blog) spent the night we broke up together. They both say nothing happened and I (I know send me your comments) believe them. They did start kind of dating right after that.

I think that's what made me so upset. I'm sitting home crying and Mr. Perfect and Best Friend are going out and having fun. When Mr. Perfect did go to Vermont he texted and called Best Friend, bought him presents and was really hoping for a new relationship. This was my trip and he was sharing it with Best Friend. I lost a boy friend and a best friend.

I tried to keep emotion out of this version of the story. Today Mr. Perfect and Best Friend aren't dating. Not sure if its over or if it never really began. They are still friends and text and call each other regularly. I think Mr. Perfect would like to expand the relationship. Not sure about Best Friend. I've known him about 2 years and I'm still not sure of what he wants or his intentions.

Mr. Perfect has come out to just about everyone at his new job. I'm very proud of him for this.

Both Mr. Perfect and Best Friend want to remain friends with me. And I do answer their texts. I have fun when I'm with them. Enough time has gone by that the hurt has not been forgotten but it has faded.

My questions to you this week:
1. Do I stay friends? with one or both?
2. Was anyone guilty of anything?
3. Have you experienced anything like this?
4. Should I just grow up and get over this?

Friends

How does one define a friend?

My cousin and I have had this discussion and we came up with a hierarchary. You have "A" friends, and "B" friends and so on and so on. As your life changes and people move in and out of your life, friends move up and down the scale. We all only have so much time to devote to friends, so we have to make choices. Of course your "A" friends get most of your time and energy.

But what makes an "A" class friend? Post your ideas to the Blog.

This is a story of a particular friend. This guy started out as a complete stranger and very rapidly became a very big influence on my life. This guy will be known as Best Friend. He will be in future blogs, as he plays a big role in what's going on today. I have laughed and cried because of Best Friend.

Most relationships start out as friends. Eventually some of these move beyond friendships to dating then maybe partners. So how does this happen? I'm sure we've all been in the situation where we want the friendship to be more. Or we've been on the otherside and our friend wants it to be more. But we really weren't interested. How did you handle that?

I made the mistake of telling my friend that I wanted to take it to another step. He did not want this and said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I took him at his word, and in my mind I thought OK soon he would be ready. I was always there for him, supported him in many ways, and did whatever it took to be a good friend. He never came around until Mr. Perfect entered the picture. (see prior posting). Now what do you do? The guy you wanted is suddenly available but you aren't.

Best Friend says he loves all his friends, but its love with a little l. Not the big L stuff.
Best Friend gave me a gift that I have hanging on my refrigerator. It says "May friendship, like wine, improve as time goes by." Now that a lot of time has gone by, I'm not sure if it has improved or has already turned to vinegar.

The whole friendship thing is a strange concept. Best Friend told me yesterday that friends are fun to hang out with, but nothing more, you don't want to trust them or get too involved. I thought that's what friends were. Someone you can really depend on. Am I wrong in this?

Send me your definitions of friendship. Have you fallen in love with a friend? How did that work out? If you don't want to post something public, go ahead and send me an email to wiserick@gmail.com.