There were problems before The BreakUp. We talked about and argued about ending it two other times. In fact we were both on probation when it happened. Mr. Perfect was leaving in a couple weeks for Vermont. He was going to a friends wedding and visiting his parents. This was a trip that months before we had planned on going to together. But as it got closer, he told me he wasn't ready for me to meet his family. He hadn't come out to them yet. OK, everyone has to do it when they are ready.
I was disappointed. I wanted to meet his friends and see Vermont. He always had stories of the place, his friends and his parents. We looked his little town up in a old book we found in the library. I was so much looking forward to going and sharing this with him.
I also noticed that besides a couple friends in Seattle, he never introduced me to his other friends. He talked a lot about them but he never wanted us to meet. I really felt like he was ashamed of me.
Before his trip we decided we would take the week that he was gone and really think about our relationship. When he got back each of us would say Yes, I want to make it work, or No, it's over. If either of us said No, it was over.
The night we broke up he was at Manray's with his ex girl friend. I showed up and we were having a good time. But then she told me she was taking off work to spend some time with his brother who was coming to town that weekend. I was told by Mr. Perfect that he didn't want me showing up. He wasn't ready for brother to meet boy friend. I got mad, his ex girl friend could meet brother but not current boy friend! I confronted him right in the middle of the bar, he said I was overreacting. I asked "you want to break up" he said YES.
THE END
He really was a good boy friend but he had issues, as so did I. But he didn't turn out to be a good ex boy friend. At least not at first. I found out that that Mr. Perfect and Best Friend (see last weeks blog) spent the night we broke up together. They both say nothing happened and I (I know send me your comments) believe them. They did start kind of dating right after that.
I think that's what made me so upset. I'm sitting home crying and Mr. Perfect and Best Friend are going out and having fun. When Mr. Perfect did go to Vermont he texted and called Best Friend, bought him presents and was really hoping for a new relationship. This was my trip and he was sharing it with Best Friend. I lost a boy friend and a best friend.
I tried to keep emotion out of this version of the story. Today Mr. Perfect and Best Friend aren't dating. Not sure if its over or if it never really began. They are still friends and text and call each other regularly. I think Mr. Perfect would like to expand the relationship. Not sure about Best Friend. I've known him about 2 years and I'm still not sure of what he wants or his intentions.
Mr. Perfect has come out to just about everyone at his new job. I'm very proud of him for this.
Both Mr. Perfect and Best Friend want to remain friends with me. And I do answer their texts. I have fun when I'm with them. Enough time has gone by that the hurt has not been forgotten but it has faded.
My questions to you this week:
1. Do I stay friends? with one or both?
2. Was anyone guilty of anything?
3. Have you experienced anything like this?
4. Should I just grow up and get over this?
9 comments:
The first minor error, was calling him Mr. Perfect! No one can ever be Mr. Perfect and it kind of makes you sound like you think little of your own self. I say, hold your head up, eyes ahead into the future, and most of all, take care of you. Sounds like he already had an agenda that you didn't even know about. Cut him loose unless you are strong enough to be friends. Tell yourself how much you're worth and know you have value. With every goodbye we learn.
WOW The above comment hits the nail on the head. At this point I would loose the definition of "Mr. Perfect". I also would look at the "best Friend" definition, maybe go with just "friend".
In any successful relationship you must first and foremost, be bestfriends. Anything short of this will not work for the long haul. Compartmentalization of outside friendships, acquaintances etc is also set up for failure. Trust and communication are key.
Also look forward, not back. Every move you make must put you in a better position than you were before. So dust yourself off, and MOVE ON!
My thoughts on your questions:
1. (Stay friends?). Probably not. Not for what happened, but more because it would be better for you.
2. (Anyone guilty?) It's all suspicion at this point. But It doesn't sever any purpose anyway. You should be more focused on the future, not a past event. It is what it is.
3. (Have I experienced this?) Oh yeah baby. Not with my partner, but in years past (when I had hair!)
4. (Get over this?). Yeah, it's best for you. It would be better for you to be alone for the night, read a book, watch the tube rather than to "keep in touch" with these two folks. Be Happy! People are really drawn to someone who has a smile on their face, rather than a stone cold face (unless you're an Abercrombie model, or in France!).
Best wishes!
I am not mr perfect and this story has more holes than swiss cheese! Which I dont really care about at this point. I was and have always been honest with the writer of this blog. I am and have moved forward. Can we be friends? I think so, if we are both looking at it honestly and without rose tinted glasses. There were MANY factors that contributed the breakup, some of which I am sure will never make it to this page.
I wish the writer all the best.
To the reader, remember there always two sides to a story and in this one, there are three.
Clarification on this point: The night of the break up, the friend stayed at my place, so he would not have to drive home. The writer knows this fact and NOTHING HAPPENED.
Have fun with the blog and I hope it is a good outlet. Please remember, those who live in a glass house should not throw stones.
So....are the people involved here out of Jr. High School yet? Oh, that's right, the meeting place of choice for everyone here is the Manray....the center of intelligence, wit, and integrity!
It's time these boys grew up, texted a little less, worried less about making international statements about being 'out' to everyone including the panhandlers on the street, and acted like honest, caring, ADULT folk. What a sad way to spend a summer in beautiful Seattle, which has so much to offer, including a better class of people to meet.
Interesting situation. Really is time for all parties to move on more than anything. Everyone is an adult in this situation so they should act like it. Best of luck!
By calling him Mr. Perfect you have set both of you up for failure. Nobody is perfect...if we were there would be no sex, children, lifetime movies, Superbowls, political debates, mullets, blooper reels and people watching wouldn't be so fun. Addionally everyone has baggage...our goal is to find someone with baggage that goes with ours. If he chooses to not be out that is his baggage you need to deal with that or move on. You were closeted for so long and now free so its hard to go back. (side note I have met Mr. P...anyone that doesnt know he is gay must have their head where the sun don't shine).
1. You should not be friends with either. Mr. P was not a friend to start with, you jumped right into an intense relationship...your first gay relationship to boot its like losing your virginity. You loved that person but something wasn't right. BFF is scum, and the total definition of self-centered. Sure he is charismatic but only on the surface...not much else goin on. You have a network of great friends that would do anything for you, because you go out of your way to do it for them. This is not Jr high school text conversation is not a friendship. Where was this so called friend when you needed to talk about the breakup...oh right shacking up with NSP. NICE.
2. Guilty or not it doesnt matter now. They say no either choose to believe them or not.
3. Yes and it sucked for a really long time. I lost a whole group of people I had considered my friends for years. The best thing that came of it was I realized who my real friends were, its hard but in the end its a gift that not everyone is lucky enough to ever have. I work for a man that buys his friends and when he is sick in the hospital only bankers and brokers send him flowers.
4. It isnt a matter of growing up, its getting over it that is hard. Look at what the relationship did for you and know everything happens for a reason.
Good luck on finding your next Not So Mr. Perfect with not-so-perfect luggage waiting for an adventure.
CHEERS..love you
your not so anonymous friend say life's too short; call this experience a lesson learned; move right along and begin again to enjoy life and people. All the great commentary posted to "The BreakUp" so far is worth considering...remember, in any relationship it take two to tango...contact your old, old friends once in a while and have a glass of fine wine and a great meal! In truth, we're really all in the same lifeboat; best not to throw any body overboard". Do what feels right for you. Wishing you the best! Hoping to see you again soon!!
1. Do I stay friends? with one or both? - Not unless you can forget about what happened and move on. Its almost impossible to be friends with an ex.
2. Was anyone guilty of anything? No, you cant control feelings. You can control actions, but not feelings. If 'Mr. Perfect' had to find it somewhere else, then obviously it wasnt meant to be and there were issues.
3. Have you experienced anything like this? - No. Knock on wood.
4. Should I just grow up and get over this? - Its not a matter of growing up. Get over, yeah maybe. It would just be best for everyone to move on.
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