How does one define a friend?
My cousin and I have had this discussion and we came up with a hierarchary. You have "A" friends, and "B" friends and so on and so on. As your life changes and people move in and out of your life, friends move up and down the scale. We all only have so much time to devote to friends, so we have to make choices. Of course your "A" friends get most of your time and energy.
But what makes an "A" class friend? Post your ideas to the Blog.
This is a story of a particular friend. This guy started out as a complete stranger and very rapidly became a very big influence on my life. This guy will be known as Best Friend. He will be in future blogs, as he plays a big role in what's going on today. I have laughed and cried because of Best Friend.
Most relationships start out as friends. Eventually some of these move beyond friendships to dating then maybe partners. So how does this happen? I'm sure we've all been in the situation where we want the friendship to be more. Or we've been on the otherside and our friend wants it to be more. But we really weren't interested. How did you handle that?
I made the mistake of telling my friend that I wanted to take it to another step. He did not want this and said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I took him at his word, and in my mind I thought OK soon he would be ready. I was always there for him, supported him in many ways, and did whatever it took to be a good friend. He never came around until Mr. Perfect entered the picture. (see prior posting). Now what do you do? The guy you wanted is suddenly available but you aren't.
Best Friend says he loves all his friends, but its love with a little l. Not the big L stuff.
Best Friend gave me a gift that I have hanging on my refrigerator. It says "May friendship, like wine, improve as time goes by." Now that a lot of time has gone by, I'm not sure if it has improved or has already turned to vinegar.
The whole friendship thing is a strange concept. Best Friend told me yesterday that friends are fun to hang out with, but nothing more, you don't want to trust them or get too involved. I thought that's what friends were. Someone you can really depend on. Am I wrong in this?
Send me your definitions of friendship. Have you fallen in love with a friend? How did that work out? If you don't want to post something public, go ahead and send me an email to wiserick@gmail.com.
4 comments:
Looks like a random marketer hit your blog Rick (knicksgrl0917). Anyway...I have a best friend since about 12 years old. I thought I might want something more with him at one point, but it didn't happen and we turned out ok. Sometimes you take the chance and even if it doesn't work, you can still stay close.
One of my favorite lines is from a movie called "Stand By Me" where towards the end of the movie the narrator, Richard Dryfus, says "friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant". That line always brings me close to tears.
Once when I was dealing with a relationship angst, my (counselor) brother told me: "Relationships, by necessity, advance at the rate of the least interested partner".
That made sense, and so obvious, but not "thought of" when in the middle of the situation. The person with the MOST interest must accept that "least interested rate" or be doomed to heartbreak, or conflict.
Driving hard a friendship faster than the other person wishes to go will only backfire. But still there has to be communication to let that other person know your feelings. As that person too, may be holding back in fear of loosing you. A quagmire certainly- if no one tells the other their feelings.
But if it doesn't advance, be happy with what you do have.
The definition of a friend is different for everyone. On a casual level, a friend only needs to be interesting. Wit always goes a long way too. Beyond "the connection", there are several factors that typify a deeper level of friendship for me: lack of judgement; ability to bring levity or inject sanity when required; ability to share & listen; willingness to give and receive energy. A real friend is not someone who vacuums the life force outta me! We all have times of need, but a lifetime of need, or an addiction to angst is not attractive! A real friend is also someone who will extend the benefit of the doubt if there's a misunderstanding.
There's always an element of attraction, but I choose my friends carefully & prefer not to fuck them. Friendship is built not born, and it takes time and energy to deepen. I want my friends to remain in my life. I want to talk about volatile fucking relationships with them rather than fuck them & the friendship. I don't look for a "best friend" relationship with a lover. I'm not going to shove my close friends aside for every Mr Perfect Right Now. Even when lust deepens to love, it is unrealistic to hope that one person can give you everything you need. My lover would need at least five different personalities to satisfy my needs for sex, love & friendship. I prefer him sane and I'm quite happy to keep my friends!
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