Bud had just got home from World War II. Home was Council, Idaho. This is where and when he met the beautiful Yvonne Kilborn. Depending on who told the story, she was either 16 or 17. They met at the local donut shop and immediately fell in love. In a few months they were married and moved up to the mountain in a shack.
Bud started working wherever he could find it. First it was a sawmill then he became a truck driver. He had amazing stories about driving trucks down steep and narrow roads. It always seemed to be winter in the stories. They soon had 3 sons. Rick, Mike, and Pat. Later they would adopt the girl that Yvonne always wanted. Kathy was what god sent to the family to answer all their prayers.
In 1971, tragedy hit the family. Rick had just graduated from Gonzaga and was accepted to Georgetown Law School. He was driving home from southern California with friends when their car was in a head on crash. Rick died immediately.
In 1974, with the shock of one death still in their minds, the unthinkable happened again. Pat was walking home one night in Boise, when a car crossed the the line and hit and killed Pat. This is when I first met Bud, Yvonne, Mike and Kathy. Shock is probably the only word that comes close to describing this family at our first meeting. I had no contact with any of them for several years after the funeral.
Fast forward 13 years and I get a phone call asking if I could help Kathy and her new husband Trey unload a UHaul. They had moved from Boise to Seattle. A couple years later Bud, Yvonne and Mike had all moved to Seattle also. It was during this time that I got close to the entire family.
Yvonne always seemed so positive. She had a habit of proclaiming that this was the best brocolli, or best steak or best whatever. It didn't matter what she was doing or eating, it was always the best she had ever had in her life. We used to tease her for this. She was always a good sport and took our teasing in the manner in which it was given - love.
Looking back I think Yvonne had it right. Today, whatever it is you are doing is the "Best". Why not? I want to live my life with the small child outlook as if this is the first time I've ever experienced whatever it is. Try it out next time you eat ice cream. Taste and experience it as if you have never had ice cream before. Trust me, it makes it a lot better. Relish each moment, each experience. This is a life lesson, that I learned from Yvonne.
Bud. Well Bud was Bud. He taught me how to tie knots, build a fence, play poker and most important, how to give a good toast. He loved raising his glass and making toasts. He taught me how to be a man after I reached the age where I should have already been one.
Everyone agrees that a father is important to the raising of a child. But I discovered that you also need a father after you are grown. There are many life lessons to be learned and it helps to have someone in that father role. Bud was that "father" to me.
Bud and Yvonne, although decades older than the rest of us, never let that slow them down. They hung out and partied with us. Not sure who was really older as they could outlast most of us. In fact for Bud's birthday we started an unusual party called "Bud Fest". Everyone invited is supposed to bring a couple bottles of their favorite beer so everyone can sample. It's now so big that it's a catered event.
Yvonne's birthday is in December, so it's a smaller dinner event, we call this "Yvonne-A=Thon". We always liked hanging out at Redhook Brew Pub. In fact both Bud and Yvonne have their own mugs here in the mug club. Redhook is our living room away from home. It's our comfort place.
This past year both Bud and Yvonne have slowed down considerably. It's been tough for Mike, Kathy and Trey taking care and watching their parents slow down.
June of this year, Yvonne passed. Then just about 6 weeks later (in fact it was today), Bud passed too. The time that they were never together can be measured in days.
I remember going to weddings. The DJ would always play the anniversary song. Every married couple would get on the dance floor and the DJ would announce
"OK, everyone married less than a year, sit down". A few newlyweds would sit down to polite applause. Then he would say "OK, 5 years", a few more sit.
Then he would increment in 10's. 10 years, 20 years. Then 25 years, then 30. About 40 years there would be no one else dancing except Bud and Yvonne. They would be smiling and laughing. He would go on, 45, 50, 55! No they were married 63 years!! Another lesson we all can learn from them.
Tonight, I went to their house. Mike allowed me to go into the house. I found myself there alone. I remembered the dinners and the holidays. I sat in Bud's big leather chair. I really didn't feel worthy of being there. Tears came so easy. Then I found myself just sobbing.
I will miss Bud and Yvonne. But, I'm not sure that is why I was crying. I think it was selfish. I will never be the man that Bud was, I will never have the happiness nor the sorrow that they experienced together. I felt guilty for making some life decisions a few years ago that made me miss some wonderful experiences with them.
They lived an amazing life. They experienced the cruelest of lifes challenges, loosing not one but two children. But they also experienced the best of life. They lived their last years as mother and father and best friends to Mike, Kathy and Trey. I feel honored that I got to be part of their lives, and I will never forget the lessons I learned. They also had a Love story that no one reading this blog will ever come close to experiencing.
So now, let's all raise our mugs:
"To Bud and Yvonne, great lives, great stories, great memories, and to those of us that knew them and got to experience two amazing people". CHEERS!
Until Next Time - Wise OUT
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Messages From Above
First Message:
I had known Christopher for about a year. We had run into each other at several Out and Equal socials. Out and Equal is an organization of LGBT groups from most major companies in the Seattle area. Christopher is a Vice-President of HR and represents Bank of America. We had never dated but acknowledged each other at these socials. One day he chatted me up online and asked if I wanted to meet him for brunch. I accepted and we met at the DeLux and had a good time.
After brunch as we were walking to each of our own condos he asked if I wanted to attend a seminar with him the next week. Knowing nothing about it, I accepted. Wednesday night I drove to Fremont to the seminar. I soon discovered that after one date, he invites me to a seminar on Integrity.
in-teg-ri-ty - noun
1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
2. The state of unimpaired; soundness
3. The quality or condition of being wholesome or undivided; completeness.
The seminar itself was very interesting, in fact I signed up for a 3 day seminar in October that I hope will help with my self confidence.
Fast forward to this past weekend.
Message #2
An old friend Sherrill and her husband Dean called and invited me to join them for cocktails at Purr on Friday night. I met them and we had a great evening. We hit a couple other places and then they had to go home. It was about 10, so I thought I'd just drop into Madison Pub and see if any of my friends were there hanging out. I hadn't heard anything from anybody all night. I have a problem (hopefully to be fixed in October), if I don't get a text message from someone, then I feel that no one likes me. I was feeling kind of blue.
I take a fast walk and look around and there is no one there I know. I was about to leave, when I find myself in what appears to be a line. I asked the guy in front of me, if he was in line to play darts.
"No, just hanging around. Just got off work and I thought I'd see if anything was going on here tonight." I introduce myself to Jason. He's originally from Thailand but now lives in Fife. (I know you can't make this stuff up. Why can't I meet someone actually from the Hill or at least Seattle?).
I ask if he wants a drink, No thanks. He asks me if he can buy me a drink. No thanks. We start talking and we notice the Olympics are on TV. I ask if he'd rather come up to my place to watch them. He says OK.
We cross the street to my place and turn on the TV. The Olympics just got over but Jay Leno is on, so we sit and watch that. The whole time we are talking and having a good time.
When the Tonight Show is over, we turn off the TV and put on some music. We are still talking and enjoying each others company. He asks if it would be OK if we saw each other again. Maybe a movie next week or something. I of course agree.
At 3:30 am he says,"Wow, it's late, I have to go." I tell him he could stay over, but he says maybe next week when we go out.
I ask for his number so I can call him, he gives me the number and I program it into my cell. Then I dial the number telling him, here's mine so you can simply add it. The phone starts to ring, but he says,
"Oh, I left my phone in my car." I hang up, that's OK you should still have it. We tell each other goodnight and he leaves but looks back and says
"Call me."
I will.
Despite the late hour, I was really thinking that maybe, just maybe this was the guy that all my friends assured me would someday happen. I only had a few hours sleep but I was so excited the next morning. I held off calling him until afternoon since we were up so late.
Finally not being able to wait any longer, I called the number he gave me:
"Thank you for calling Schick Shadel Hospital, how may I help you?"
"Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number."
Not only did he give me a wrong number but he gave me the number for the "#1 Rated Drug and Alcohol Treatment Program", that's directly from their website.
Why would anyone give someone, that they had spent 4 hours with a wrong number? Have you ever given anyone a fake number? Has anyone given you a fake number?
If you've been reading my blog you know that I've had a lot of weird stuff happen, but this one really hurts. I thought we had made a connection.
But more important are these two episodes just a coincidence? or are the Dating Gods trying to send me a message?
Integrity
Drugs Alcohol
If you see a burning bush, look behind it you'll probably see me crouching in fear and denial.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT
I had known Christopher for about a year. We had run into each other at several Out and Equal socials. Out and Equal is an organization of LGBT groups from most major companies in the Seattle area. Christopher is a Vice-President of HR and represents Bank of America. We had never dated but acknowledged each other at these socials. One day he chatted me up online and asked if I wanted to meet him for brunch. I accepted and we met at the DeLux and had a good time.
After brunch as we were walking to each of our own condos he asked if I wanted to attend a seminar with him the next week. Knowing nothing about it, I accepted. Wednesday night I drove to Fremont to the seminar. I soon discovered that after one date, he invites me to a seminar on Integrity.
in-teg-ri-ty - noun
1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
2. The state of unimpaired; soundness
3. The quality or condition of being wholesome or undivided; completeness.
The seminar itself was very interesting, in fact I signed up for a 3 day seminar in October that I hope will help with my self confidence.
Fast forward to this past weekend.
Message #2
An old friend Sherrill and her husband Dean called and invited me to join them for cocktails at Purr on Friday night. I met them and we had a great evening. We hit a couple other places and then they had to go home. It was about 10, so I thought I'd just drop into Madison Pub and see if any of my friends were there hanging out. I hadn't heard anything from anybody all night. I have a problem (hopefully to be fixed in October), if I don't get a text message from someone, then I feel that no one likes me. I was feeling kind of blue.
I take a fast walk and look around and there is no one there I know. I was about to leave, when I find myself in what appears to be a line. I asked the guy in front of me, if he was in line to play darts.
"No, just hanging around. Just got off work and I thought I'd see if anything was going on here tonight." I introduce myself to Jason. He's originally from Thailand but now lives in Fife. (I know you can't make this stuff up. Why can't I meet someone actually from the Hill or at least Seattle?).
I ask if he wants a drink, No thanks. He asks me if he can buy me a drink. No thanks. We start talking and we notice the Olympics are on TV. I ask if he'd rather come up to my place to watch them. He says OK.
We cross the street to my place and turn on the TV. The Olympics just got over but Jay Leno is on, so we sit and watch that. The whole time we are talking and having a good time.
When the Tonight Show is over, we turn off the TV and put on some music. We are still talking and enjoying each others company. He asks if it would be OK if we saw each other again. Maybe a movie next week or something. I of course agree.
At 3:30 am he says,"Wow, it's late, I have to go." I tell him he could stay over, but he says maybe next week when we go out.
I ask for his number so I can call him, he gives me the number and I program it into my cell. Then I dial the number telling him, here's mine so you can simply add it. The phone starts to ring, but he says,
"Oh, I left my phone in my car." I hang up, that's OK you should still have it. We tell each other goodnight and he leaves but looks back and says
"Call me."
I will.
Despite the late hour, I was really thinking that maybe, just maybe this was the guy that all my friends assured me would someday happen. I only had a few hours sleep but I was so excited the next morning. I held off calling him until afternoon since we were up so late.
Finally not being able to wait any longer, I called the number he gave me:
"Thank you for calling Schick Shadel Hospital, how may I help you?"
"Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number."
Not only did he give me a wrong number but he gave me the number for the "#1 Rated Drug and Alcohol Treatment Program", that's directly from their website.
Why would anyone give someone, that they had spent 4 hours with a wrong number? Have you ever given anyone a fake number? Has anyone given you a fake number?
If you've been reading my blog you know that I've had a lot of weird stuff happen, but this one really hurts. I thought we had made a connection.
But more important are these two episodes just a coincidence? or are the Dating Gods trying to send me a message?
Integrity
Drugs Alcohol
If you see a burning bush, look behind it you'll probably see me crouching in fear and denial.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Ships in the Night
Looking for someone or having someone find you can be a bit tricky. Everyone is looking for a certain type or they have specific criteria. The problem for me is that I don't really fit into anyones idea of a "good" match.
Search the ads:
Craigslist
gay.com
manhunter
They are all the same. If you are under 30 - you are considered young and lots of guys are looking for this. Let's call these guys, Twinks. The bad news is after 30 in the gay community, you are considered OLD.
If you are rich, I mean really rich. Rich enought to buy guys cars and houses. No matter your age, or size or looks, you are one hot guy.
It's also desirable if you are ethnic, especially Asian or Latin.
Don't think that you have to be a pretty boy to have groups want you. Body types get special attention also. If you are big and hairy (Bears), you can hook up fairly easy. Even if you aren't hairy but simply FAT, there's a group (Chubby Chasers) looking for you.
And of course extremely well endowed guys are always popular.
What's missing from the list? Oh yea, regular sized middle aged middle class guys. We don't have a group. What's so weird about this is that there are a lot more of us than there are of them. So what's the problem?
After extensive research reading the ads (for research purposes only, of course), I discovered that we are our own problem. Here's a couple examples of real ads:
55 yo professional looking for under 30, smooth and Asian go to front of line.
42 yo bottom looking for big > 9 inches hairy top.
And it goes on and on. We are not looking for ourselves, we are looking for something we aren't. We all seem to be trying to live or re-live a fantasy.
I can't do anything about my age, ethnicity, size or money. I'm lucky to even have a job. So in today's environment if I want to be in a desired "group", my only hope is to eat and drink more. I'm fat now, but not nearly fat enough to get into the group. So I think I need to start a special diet. Take note Chubby Chasers, "Here I Come".
While we keep searching for something we aren't, we will keep passing each other in the night, not knowing what a good thing we are missing.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT
Search the ads:
Craigslist
gay.com
manhunter
They are all the same. If you are under 30 - you are considered young and lots of guys are looking for this. Let's call these guys, Twinks. The bad news is after 30 in the gay community, you are considered OLD.
If you are rich, I mean really rich. Rich enought to buy guys cars and houses. No matter your age, or size or looks, you are one hot guy.
It's also desirable if you are ethnic, especially Asian or Latin.
Don't think that you have to be a pretty boy to have groups want you. Body types get special attention also. If you are big and hairy (Bears), you can hook up fairly easy. Even if you aren't hairy but simply FAT, there's a group (Chubby Chasers) looking for you.
And of course extremely well endowed guys are always popular.
What's missing from the list? Oh yea, regular sized middle aged middle class guys. We don't have a group. What's so weird about this is that there are a lot more of us than there are of them. So what's the problem?
After extensive research reading the ads (for research purposes only, of course), I discovered that we are our own problem. Here's a couple examples of real ads:
55 yo professional looking for under 30, smooth and Asian go to front of line.
42 yo bottom looking for big > 9 inches hairy top.
And it goes on and on. We are not looking for ourselves, we are looking for something we aren't. We all seem to be trying to live or re-live a fantasy.
I can't do anything about my age, ethnicity, size or money. I'm lucky to even have a job. So in today's environment if I want to be in a desired "group", my only hope is to eat and drink more. I'm fat now, but not nearly fat enough to get into the group. So I think I need to start a special diet. Take note Chubby Chasers, "Here I Come".
While we keep searching for something we aren't, we will keep passing each other in the night, not knowing what a good thing we are missing.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT
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