Lessons Learned

I felt bad that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.

As a kid this was something my mom used to tell me. I had no idea what it meant except, STOP WHINING. In those days it was OK to smack kids, so I would shut up. I never thought much about the parable until recently.

It was a Friday night, which meant I was at Martins. Next to the Piano Bar there's a smaller room which contains the actual bar and a few tables. On Friday you can find two guys, that I describe as characters, playing dominos.

Bud, who just turned 80 came out about 10 years ago after his wife died. He's harmless but he is a 'dirty old man'. He likes to cop a feel, so it's best to stay an arms length away. But he is very funny and has some great stories. What I like about Bud is that he's constantly commenting on what's going on around him, and he calls me "Young Fellow".

Larry is the second guy of the domino duo. He looks like he just stepped out of a Raegae Rave. He's a big Black guy, maybe in his 50's, with long dreads. He has an infectuous laugh and he loves Bud's jokes.

They are always looking for others to join them in the game. Watching and actually playing a few times, it seems that the rules change from 2 to 3 to 4 players. Trust me, you really don't want to play with Larry. He may be stoned, but he can add spots on dominos faster than any computer.

This Friday the Piano Bar is packed, so I wander over to the other side. Bud and Larry are sitting at their table and there is a 3rd guy playing along. Bud introduces me to Phil. He's just an inch or so shorter than me, but about 20 lbs lighter. We shake hands and continue to talk throughout the game.

After a couple hours and a few drinks, I tell them that I have to go home. Phil asked where I lived. I told him about 4 blocks away. Despite being smaller than me, he announces that he is going to walk me home to make sure I get there safely. Later I find out that he's been in many fights.

He walks me to my condo and I ask him up. He says no. Maybe next time. We hug goodnight, then start making out. I reach down to see if the kissing is having the same effect on him as it is me, but he grabs my hand and pulls it away.
"We need to talk" he tells me.

I was bracing myself for the "I'm Positive" speech.
Instead, I was stunned when he stated:
I'm a boy,
But I used to be a girl
Now I'm a boy.

Silence, I had no idea what to say. He filled the silence by further surprising me:
And I decided that it wasn't worth the $40k extra to get the surgery to get the boy part!

We then sat down on the sidewalk bench. For the next hour we talked. He was very candid and answered all my questions. He told me about how he's not accepted by gays and how he's been beat up by straight guys. I found out that it's more common for boys to become girls than it is the other way around. I learned so much from Phil, but I had to be honest with him, as a gay male, the boy part is really important.

Chaz Bono (yes Cher's daughter) has recently gone through this gender reassignment and now considers himself a male. But Chaz has publicly stated that he hasn't decided if he's going to get a penis. Chaz said that sex identification is more between your ears, than between your legs.

Just when I thought I had experienced everything, I meet Phil. I have a new respect for these brave souls. And I found a new friend.

The issues and heartaches that I've had to face are nothing compared to the life that Phil has had to live. I now know the meaning of the story:
Until I met a man who had no . . .

Until Next Time - Wise OUT