Funeral Girl

They really aren't my cousins. I got custody of Kathy, Trey her husband, and Mike her brother after the divorce. We used to be best friends and saw each other if not every day then at least a couple times a week. There was a lot of drama around the divorce, and after I moved to Capitol Hill, we saw each other a lot less. We tried but it just wasn't feasible to keep the same contact.

So I was excited to be invited to join them on their annual day after Christmas train trip to Centralia. They get on Amtrak in the morning and in a couple hours they are at the Olympic Hotel. This is a historic hotel and bar owned and operated by McMenamins out of Portland. It is a very interesting place, with a theatre and a billiards rooms. Here is the link if you want to check it out.
http://www.mcmenamins.com/index.php?loc=58&category=Location%20Homepage

We arrived in Centralia about noon. The hotel is literally just across the tracks . We went to check in and found out that check in is at 3, and our rooms aren't ready yet. This is no problem, it is after noon after all. We go into the bar and order our beer and cajun tater tots. It is worth the trip just for the tots.

We are talking and having a good time. Then a girl comes in and sits right next to me.
Hey, how you doin? I ask. (and yes I know it's not grammatically correct, but when I drink I talk like that).
Not very good, she replied.
Oh, what's the matter?
Are you here for the funeral?
Funeral? no what funeral?
My boyfriend killed himself, the service is today.

I'n not very good at this stuff , and I was stunned and speechless. (yes, believe it or not, sometimes I have no idea what to say). But Kathy, the sweetest person in the whole world, comes over and hugs the girl and offers to buy her a drink.

The funeral girl talks a bit about her boyfriend, then just stops talking. Our rooms are ready and I was glad to get out of there. We spent the rest of the day exploring the little town and playing pool. Later we go see the movie in the hotel.

The hotel has a fire pit out back with chairs and tables. After the movie we found ourselves out by the fire. There's a group of people there and we find out they are all related. 2 sisters, Ruby and Ruthie, their husbands and their brother Rudi. Yes, I know you can't make this up. 3 siblings all named RU something.

The husbands were a lot of fun and called me the Rickster. Then they yelled at Rudi and said he needed to join us that he would like me. Ruby and Ruthie thought we should date each other.
I'm NOT GAY, was Rudi's reply. He never really got mad and I milked this for all it was worth. They wanted a family picture, and invited me to join in as I would soon be their brother in law. I of course kept this joke up all night. A few of my lines were:
Come on Rudi, we would make a good couple.
Rudi, There's 3 things that cause problems with couples.
Family, they already like me.
Money, we both have jobs, no problem.
Sex, well we will just have to experiment with that one.
Rudi, I know you are afraid of me but we should at least be friends.

Just when I was getting warmed up, the funeral girl shows up with a friend. She talked to everyone for a while, then came over and sat on my lap. Then she kissed me.
Anything?
No sorry I'm gay.
Then she grabbed my crotch.
Still nothing?
Nope.
Rudi seeing this, chimed in, you can grab me, I'll show you something.
She simply glared at him.

Then the funeral girl disappeared. For another hour or so, I continued to try to talk Rudi into admitting he liked me and he should make me part of his family.

Finally Kathy and Trey told everyone they were done for the night and going to bed. I was definitely done too. But I did ask one last time if Rudi wanted to join me.
I'm NOT GAY.

I got up to my room and smelled my clothes. They smelled like camp fire. I was so tired and probably drunk, that I simply shed all my clothes and threw them in the corner and fell into bed. I was almost asleep with someone knocked on my door.
What? Who's there? no answer, simply a continued knock.

I get up, stand behind the door to use it as cover and open the door a crack. It's the funeral girl. She tells me she has to talk. Her friend is with someone in her room and she just needs to talk. I look around and my clothes are in the far corner. OK, just a minute, I jump into bed and cover up and say come on in.

She comes in and tells me that besides the funeral today, it was also the anniversary of her son's murder! He was stabbed last year in Spokane.
OMG, what did I get into? Where do these people come from? She is crying and just keeps talking. Somewhere in between the sobs, I fell asleep.

The next thing I know, there's a banging on my door. My eyes can barely open, it is morning and the light is hurting my head. I again walk to the door and crack it a little. There's another girl and she says:
I didn't sleep with him, honest.
Who are you?
I'm funeral girl's friend, and she points into my room. There on my bed is funeral girl, naked and just waking up! She tells her friend to come on in. The girl pushes the door open. Now I'm standing there naked with 2 girls in my room. I run over to my smoke infused jeans, put them on and tell them that they have to leave now. Go to your own room.

I honestly don't think my head has ever hurt so much. Everything was a cloud. On their way out funeral girl did tell me that nothing happened, and I was a gentleman. She just needed to be with someone last night.

On the way home, through the fog, I realized that despite one of the weirdest weekends I have ever experienced, it was great to be able to spend this time with my good friends. And a lesson learned. Don't ask: Hey, How you doin? unless you are ready to hear the truth and maybe become part of the drama that we call life.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT