gay and out in the city

Botox Now?

2011-04-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

I went out with a guy who was cute and very vain. One day he told me he was going to get his botox treatments later in the week.

I looked at him closely and didn't understand the need at all. But he is in the public, so looks are very important to him.

We met after the treatments and OMG, it really did make a difference. It was amazing. This hot guy looked at least 10 years younger. The relationship didn't last as long as the botox did, but I will never forget the difference it made.

My boyfriend, Gyu (Q), is 40 years old. He looks a lot younger. In fact a friend (who was joking, I think), told me, "I'm a little disappointed in you. With all the kids in America that need a good home, I'm not sure why you adopted a foreign kid". Q says that 40 is old in Korea. If 40 is old, then I've been dead for several years. We do live in a youth oriented society, and being gay makes it more so.

Last week a group of us from work went to lunch at Zoopa's. It's a salad/soup bar buffet restaurant in South Center. I loaded up my salad plate and skipped the soup. Q has me eating much better.

Every night he makes us a salad which consists of green leaf lettuce and spinach. He adds cucumbers, mushrooms, tomatos, apples and walnuts. He serves the salad on the dinner plates and it fills the entire plate. Those little plates are what we eat our main course on. So the meat and potatoes (usually sweet potatoes) are on the little plates. I think Americans have been eating the wrong proportions forever.

But I digress. So we are at Zoopas, I go to the register and pay. The kid at the register has tatoos and looks to be about 18. He's very nice and attempts to make conversation. I get my receipt and go sit down. We are eating and I glance down at my receipt. WTF? He gave me a senior discount. I'm not sure how old you have to be to get the discount, but really? One of my co workers said the kid was interested in you and was watching you, so he wanted to give you a discount. Really? Come on. If that's true why don't they have a button called Cute or HOT Discount? Now don't get me wrong, I like the idea of saving money and their senior discount is 15%. But was it worth less than $2 to have the hit to my ego?

While writing this, I'm running back and forth to the bathroom mirror remembering the botox. Is it time to do this? Am I really ready for the Senior Discounts?

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Wild and Crazy Guy

2010-07-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

I was excited when Jeff and David invited me to join them in Paris. I had been to Paris before but never for Gay Pride. Since the last time I was in Paris, they no longer smoke indoors, but they are allowed to smoke at the sidewalk cafes. People also seem friendlier. But that could be because we were staying in the Marias district. This is the gay neighborhood, and it's my experience that the gay hood is more friendly everywhere.

My French sucks, besides yes, no, please and thank you. I discovered that if you say Lemon Shoes, you will get another round of drinks.

Besides Pride, it was also World Cup. The French had already been eliminated but it did not lesson the importance of the event. In America, we really don't understand. It's like playing 2 or 3 Super Bowls everyday for a month. The French President had just called for a special commission to investigate why the French team did so poorly. Everyone was watching, talking or arguing about the games. Outside the Eiffel Tower they had erected a huge TV screen to watch the games. I can't believe how many flags we saw the day we went to the Tower.

On Pride day, Jeff, David and I walked towards the Bastille. The parade was going thru the streets and ending up in this huge square called the Bastille. This is where Marie Anntoinette lost her head. We got there early enough to actually get a seat at a sidewalk cafe. So we sat there watching the parade while drinking wine.

The parade was huge, but there were no floats and no beads. Just these big trucks, bigger than pickups, but not as big as semi's. The trucks were loaded with hot boys. But they were fully clothed. Very few had there shirts off even though it was in the high 80's. The parade was similar to parades you hear about in New Orleans. When you are along the parade route watching, at any time you can simply join the parade. So eventually everyone is in the parade and end up in the Bastille. They estimated that there were 700,000 people at the parade.

After the parade we were talking about what we wanted to do. Jeff mentioned that there was a bar where go go boys took showers above the bar. That sounded interesting but I was more in the mood to participate rather than watch.

David and I decided to go to a bar we found in the gay guide. Here I was in Paris - going out and being nasty and wild. The adreneline was running.

We paid out 20 Euros (including a drink), to get into Le Depot. Le Depot is right next door to the Police Station. We walked in and couldn't see anything. It was pitch black. We both had to pee so we found the bathroom and there's one guy ahead of us in line. The whole bar smells like baking crystal (I'm taking David's word on this), pot (which I do know), urine and sweat.

When the guy comes out it's our turn. David tells me we are going together and not splitting up. We pee and then stand at the sink. Someone did something nasty in the sink. I tell David "Don't touch anything, our dicks are the cleanest thing in the entire bar".

We walk out and try to find the bar. We run into two hot guys with no shirts, but with snakes wrapped around their bodies. The snakes are alive. We immediately turn down a hall to stay away from the snakes, where we run into a naked guy handcuffed on his knees. We move past him and finally enter the bar. We order our drinks, but decide we really want to leave. We had enough.

Paris is way more wild than anything I've ever seen. The Guide actually mentions 3 Fisting Bars, and 5 Golden Shower Bars. Don't feel bad if you don't know what this means, just feel lucky you have the job you have rather than being on the clean up crew at one of these bars.

Somehow we found the exit and started home. Halfway back to our hotels, we saw the rainbow flag flying over an innocent looking place. We agree to have one more drink. After we got in, we discovered it was a karoke bar. The boys were cute (not tweeked out) and fully clothed. You haven't lived until you are having a Bad Romance with Lady Gaga at the top of your lungs with a French accent.

I thought I was kind of leading edge and very cool, but in reality, I'm just Karoke.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Paris Part One

2010-06-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

It's been about 5 years since I was last in Paris. I noticed some changes about attitudes towards Americans. Maybe it's because George W. was President the last time I was here. Everyone was friendly, except some weird guy I met at a sidewalk cafe. He was friendly at first, but then it got kind of bizarre. But I did get a white hat from this short but intense relationship. See Facebook for a pic of the hat.

If you believe that the French set the fashion trends for the rest of us, then pay attention.
If you are under 30, long hair is back in style. You should also be wearing capri pants with brightly colored canvas tennis shoes.

If you are over 30, there is only ONE hairstyle, buzzed, with a 2 or 3 day growth on your face. Capri pants are OK too. I did notice that wearing shorts is now way more acceptable than it was on my last visit.

The good news, don't throw away those old plaid shirts you have stowed away, Plaid is the new white. And anything purple is very popular.

Everyone complains how expensive Paris is. I don't know, we ate very good meals at sidewalk cafes and nice restaurants and paid about 20 Euros for the entree. At the current exchange rate that's about $24. That's about what you would pay for a nice entree at a fairly good restaurant in Seattle. But for 20 Euros you get French food and a very romantic setting.

Speaking of food. The French eat like they want to have a heart attack. Very rich, full of creams, cheeses and carbs. But they are all so thin. We never saw one overweight French person. The fat ones were speaking English. I'm not sure how they stay so thin. They eat all day and drink all night.

Another observation is that they all seem to be about the same height. Not overly tall or extremely short. My friend Jeff who is over 6 feet was by far the tallest person we encountered. David, his partner is about my height 5'7". The two of us were definitely in that comfort zone.

The French seem so cool and progressive that it's hard to believe that they are the most Catholic country in the world. But that might explain why we kept running into hordes of children.

The first day we took a train to Versailles. This was the summer palace for King Louise (the some number) and his wife Marie Antoinnette. This also was the palace that the Parisians stormed, captured them and took them to the Bastille to have their heads chopped off.

We get off the train and right between the station and the palace is a McDonalds. David announces that he needs some fries. We go in and find the place is packed with hundreds of kids about 7 years old. All exactly the same size. They are all queued up at the counter to order their little happy meals. But McD's has a kiosk where you can order and pay. We order the 2 fries and 3 Cokes, I take out my Credit Card, swipe and the machine accepts our order. Then immediately at the front of the line, they are yelling that our order is ready. Now that's efficiency. I put the card in my wallet and my wallet in my satchel. I've been warned that you don't want to carry your wallet in your back pocket. We push our way through the 4 ft high 7 year olds to get our fries.

We go sit down and Jeff tells me that I should transfer my wallet to my front pocket. I open my bag and my wallet is gone! In about 2 minutes someone stole my wallet. 500 Euros, 100 USD, American Express, Visa, my ATM card, my company ID, and my ORCA card. This is where I was so stupid. Lessons Learned, NEVER carry more than one card and only the amount of money you will spend that day. I started to panic, but Jeff calmed me down.

I called American Express to cancel my cards. I'm in the middle of the restaurant explaining the situation to a very nice lady at Amex, when in walks Ronald McDonald! Yes, THE Ronald McDonald. He yells "Hello Boys and Girls". Of course he's speaking French. Ronald is like Jesus, he understands and speaks all languages.

Now all of a sudden those hundreds of 7 year olds, leave their line, start screaming and come running towards us. Well not actually towards us, but to the clown who has stategically placed us between him and them. The only thing worse than loosing your identity, your money, and your credit cards, is to be stampeded by hundreds of children. This was God's way of punishing me for going to a McDonald's in Paris. What was I thinking? The best food in the world and I'm at an F'in McDonalds.

The next day we at the Orsy Museum. David and I have to go to the bathroom. As we are leaving, 30 to 40 little 4 year olds come running into the bathroom. They all have to go bad. We are stuck trying to get out. We can't move. The 4 year olds are about 3 feet tall, all the same height. They are all screaming. I'm not sure how they were going to handle this. The urinals were not those type on the floor, they were mounted on the wall. Not extremely tall ones, you know the type where you have to stand on your toes and aim high. But tall enough that these little people would not be able to use. We had to start pushing and stepping over these kids to get out. Luckily for us, we were done and not just going in. If we were just entering we'd probably have to take turns holding these kids up so they could pee.

Loosing my wallet, and all these encounters with children are not exactly what I envisioned when I planned the trip to Paris for Pride. But it is what it is. My next blog will deal with more adventures in Paris.

Au Revoir
Wise - OUT

Smell The Roses

2010-05-13T21:59:00.000-07:00

I sat near the rear of the mega church. There must have been 300 - 400 people at the memorial service for my friend's son. Richie was about 27 years old. He was diagnosed as a child with the Jerry Lewis disease (muscular dystrophy). He lived longer than anyone expected.

I felt out of place here as I really didn't know him at all. I had met him once when he was about 10 years old. I had always meant to get down to Portland to spend more time with my friend and Richie. But I justified the 'non-visits' by claiming I was too busy.

As I listened to the stories , I realized that there was a common theme. The presenters ranged in age from early 20's to the late 70's, and they all portrayed Richie as a fun loving guy with a thirst for knowledge and understanding. He loved practical jokes. Someone mentioned that Richie really didn't have any time for lying or saying anything he really didn't mean. He knew his days were numbered and wanted to make the most of them. Despite his challenges, he graduated from Oregon State University, went to New York City by himself and enrolled at NYU and took courses at Harvard.

Richie's mother read a few letters from his friends back east. His minister read a long email that Richie had written. Both the email and the letters brought a vivid picture of a guy that wasn't afraid to express his thoughts,emotions and feelings.

When I left the service I no longer felt that I shouldn't have been there. Richie had allowed me into his life. I got a glimpse of his personallity, his friends and sense of humor and frustrations. Even in death this extraordinary young man still had the ability to sway and affect those around him.

We are all different. We have different beliefs, different experiences and different priorities. But all of our stories are going to end exactly the same way. But will we still have influence over those remaining after we leave?

Driving back to the airport, I had to ask. What am I doing? In our (or at least my) busy world, we are looking for shortcuts. We text instead of call or email or even talk to each other. When texting we don't even spell the whole word out anymore. Shortcuts for everything. It's like a race. First one to the end . . . What? Wins? I'm not sure.
Richie taught me to s l o w d o w n. Maybe call a few friends. Maybe write a letter or two. Can you imagine how impressed and precious it would be to get a real letter in the mail? and even more so if it wasn't asking for money. Maybe even try to express my feelings to those close to me. This is one race, I don't mind loosing.

I'm proud to say that Richard Zibell is a friend of mine. He has taught me avaluable lesson.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Speed Dating

2010-03-04T21:47:00.000-08:00

I was curious when Michael, my friend and ex boyfriend, mentioned that he saw a link for gay speed dating. He immediately thought of me and even offered to pay the $10 fee. I'm thinking that both he and Rich, his current boyfriend, must be tired of me hanging around as a 3rd wheel.

It cost $10 and you get to meet or date 9 other guys. Each of the dates last 10 minutes. I had read about speed dating and was interested in how it works. And to be honest, I had run out of blog material. So if nothing else it would make an interesting story.

I went online, registered, and paid my $10 thru my Pay Pal account. To quote their advertising, $10, 10 Guys, 10 Minutes. The price seemed about right. I've spent way over $10 on one guy that ended up in a disaster.

The night before speed dating I had a reoccurring dream. I'm not sure it can be called a dream when it's a rememberence from the past while you sleep.
I'm 12 years old again. Everyone is standing on the baseball diamond and they start choosing sides. Everyone gets picked but me. I'm not only the last but I'm not chosen at all. Both sides walk off to start the game. What do I do? Do I go to my usual position - DEEP DEEP right field along the foul line or do I go behind the batters box? Today I simply walk to the sidelines while everyone, it seems is pointing and laughing.

As usual I wake in a cold sweat.

Michael met me at the South Lake Grille about 45 minutes before speed dating begins. He wasn't going to participate but he was there to give me moral support. But I think secretly he wanted to watch.

I was nervous and started looking around for other potential speed daters. Everyone seemed to be coupled off except two guys. They looked like they were stuck in the 60's. Not necessarily old but the type who hasn't had a haircut in the past few years and had a faint aromoa of weed.

I told Michael, this is going to be weird. But part of me was relieved. I wasn't here to hook up or even date. I just needed to have the speed dating experience. And the more bizarre. the better for my blog.

Another drink and it was time to go upstairs for speed dating. I checked in and was surprised to see that every guy there was cute. I started to panic - Where were my dope smoking friends from downstairs?

The guys were mostly professional and all were interesting, an attorney, a couple Microsoft developers, a hair stylist, a guy who just returned from the Peace Corps, a yoga instructor and and and well me. Panic, panic, I totally did not belong here with all these hot guys. What if I'm the only one not picked? OH grow up, I tell myself.

If you've never participated in speed dating you are missing quite an experience. I would recommend it to everyone. That is if you are single.

Since this was gay dating they had 10 girls on one side of the room and 10 boys on the other. I have to say the girls were way louder than the boys.

They had 5 guys sitting on one side of a long table and 5 guys on the other side. The guy directly in front of you is your 1st date. They yell GO!
I now have 10 minutes to get to know the the guy and also to sell myself. After 10 minutes we mark on a paper their name and either "I'm interested in dating" or "Would like to be friends" or leave it blank. Then everyone shifts one seat left, they yell GO and your 2nd date begins.

After everyone dates everyone, speed dating is over. They collect our forms and told us that we would be informed via email of any perfect matches. I had selected 4 guys as datable and 4 as friends.

For not caring I was really nervous. About 3:00am my cell phone buzzed and woke me up. It was informing me that I had an email. I immediately opened it up and was hurt. Only 3 guys wanted to be friends and absolutely no one wanted to date. Once again the game had started and I was pushed to the sidelines.

I'm still confused why this bothered me. I had never even met these guys before, why should I care? And to the 3 guys that want to be my friend, thank you, but I have 219 friends on facebook, I hardly need 3 more.

This blog took a weird twist. Instead of writing about speed dating, it turned into an expose of an inferiority complex that I thought I had left behind many years ago.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

The Long Wait

2010-02-01T20:35:00.001-08:00

Is 20 minutes too late to wait for a date to show up? I'm just asking because it's 6:20pm. I'm sitting at Piecora's waiting for 'G' my 6:00 date. We met a couple weeks ago at Madison Pub. We played pool and had a great time. I liked him and I guess he like me too, because he asked if we could go out on a "real" date sometime. After pool we exchanged phone numbers and he left.

Later that night he called me and told me he was serious about going out and asked what I was doing the next night. I invited him to go bowling. The problem was that it was our 1st date and bowling was going to be with my entire family. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone. He said he was cool with that and we could go as friends.

The next morning he called me and told me he couldn't make it as he was called into work. I totally understood and told him we could make it another day.
When? he asked.
What about Sunday afternoon. We could go bowling at the Garage.
He said that was fine. The agreement was that I would find out the hours and call him Sunday with the details.

On Sunday I got the info and tried to call him. His phone immediately went to voice mail the lady says "the mailbox is full". I couldn't even leave a message. I tried calling all day, evening and the next day. Nothing.

Finally on Tuesday he called me from a pay phone (I didn't even know they still existed) and told me that he hadn't paid his cell bill and he couldn't call out. I told him I couldn't leave a message either. He was sorry and asked if we could try again.

We agree to meet at Piecora's for a slice of pizza then walk over to the Garage and bowl. We were to meet at 6. It is now 6:30.

If this was the first guy that stood me up, it wouldn't be so bad BUT...

In November I went to the dating site on Craig's List and found an interesting ad. I answered the ad and within a couple hours I got a response. We found that we had a lot in common. I sent him a picture of me and he still seemed interested. He said he didn't have any digital pictures of himself.

We agreed to meet at Pacific Place after work one night. That afternoon he called and told me that work was exhausting and asked if we could reschedule. Of course this was no problem. He asked what I was doing on Saturday. I told him I was going to Madison Pub to watch the Apple Cup. For those non-football types this was the annual game between the University of Washington and WSU. He told me he'd meet me there.

On Saturday I went to the Pub and I met my friend Josh and his boyfriend Christian. I told them I was meeting a blind date. Each new guy that walked in they would ask,
Is that him?
I don't know!
Bottom Line: He never showed up. No call or no text.

Days later he text me and told me he was tired on Saturday and didn't make it out. But work was going to ease up next week so we should try next week. We then set up another date for downtown after work.

Date night afternoon he texts me and tells me work was rough. I text him back asking
Does that mean we are cancelling?
He texts back
Not sure will let u know l8tr
(is l8tr that much of a shortcut from later?)

He never replied back nor showed up. I never got an explanation or an apology.

So here I sit at Piecora's drinking my Elysian Immortal IPA. - yes they have Elysian on tap!

Now I'm wondering is an hour too long to wait?

Until next time - Wise OUT

Funeral Girl

2010-01-05T20:37:00.000-08:00

They really aren't my cousins. I got custody of Kathy, Trey her husband, and Mike her brother after the divorce. We used to be best friends and saw each other if not every day then at least a couple times a week. There was a lot of drama around the divorce, and after I moved to Capitol Hill, we saw each other a lot less. We tried but it just wasn't feasible to keep the same contact.

So I was excited to be invited to join them on their annual day after Christmas train trip to Centralia. They get on Amtrak in the morning and in a couple hours they are at the Olympic Hotel. This is a historic hotel and bar owned and operated by McMenamins out of Portland. It is a very interesting place, with a theatre and a billiards rooms. Here is the link if you want to check it out.
http://www.mcmenamins.com/index.php?loc=58&category=Location%20Homepage

We arrived in Centralia about noon. The hotel is literally just across the tracks . We went to check in and found out that check in is at 3, and our rooms aren't ready yet. This is no problem, it is after noon after all. We go into the bar and order our beer and cajun tater tots. It is worth the trip just for the tots.

We are talking and having a good time. Then a girl comes in and sits right next to me.
Hey, how you doin? I ask. (and yes I know it's not grammatically correct, but when I drink I talk like that).
Not very good, she replied.
Oh, what's the matter?
Are you here for the funeral?
Funeral? no what funeral?
My boyfriend killed himself, the service is today.

I'n not very good at this stuff , and I was stunned and speechless. (yes, believe it or not, sometimes I have no idea what to say). But Kathy, the sweetest person in the whole world, comes over and hugs the girl and offers to buy her a drink.

The funeral girl talks a bit about her boyfriend, then just stops talking. Our rooms are ready and I was glad to get out of there. We spent the rest of the day exploring the little town and playing pool. Later we go see the movie in the hotel.

The hotel has a fire pit out back with chairs and tables. After the movie we found ourselves out by the fire. There's a group of people there and we find out they are all related. 2 sisters, Ruby and Ruthie, their husbands and their brother Rudi. Yes, I know you can't make this up. 3 siblings all named RU something.

The husbands were a lot of fun and called me the Rickster. Then they yelled at Rudi and said he needed to join us that he would like me. Ruby and Ruthie thought we should date each other.
I'm NOT GAY, was Rudi's reply. He never really got mad and I milked this for all it was worth. They wanted a family picture, and invited me to join in as I would soon be their brother in law. I of course kept this joke up all night. A few of my lines were:
Come on Rudi, we would make a good couple.
Rudi, There's 3 things that cause problems with couples.
Family, they already like me.
Money, we both have jobs, no problem.
Sex, well we will just have to experiment with that one.
Rudi, I know you are afraid of me but we should at least be friends.

Just when I was getting warmed up, the funeral girl shows up with a friend. She talked to everyone for a while, then came over and sat on my lap. Then she kissed me.
Anything?
No sorry I'm gay.
Then she grabbed my crotch.
Still nothing?
Nope.
Rudi seeing this, chimed in, you can grab me, I'll show you something.
She simply glared at him.

Then the funeral girl disappeared. For another hour or so, I continued to try to talk Rudi into admitting he liked me and he should make me part of his family.

Finally Kathy and Trey told everyone they were done for the night and going to bed. I was definitely done too. But I did ask one last time if Rudi wanted to join me.
I'm NOT GAY.

I got up to my room and smelled my clothes. They smelled like camp fire. I was so tired and probably drunk, that I simply shed all my clothes and threw them in the corner and fell into bed. I was almost asleep with someone knocked on my door.
What? Who's there? no answer, simply a continued knock.

I get up, stand behind the door to use it as cover and open the door a crack. It's the funeral girl. She tells me she has to talk. Her friend is with someone in her room and she just needs to talk. I look around and my clothes are in the far corner. OK, just a minute, I jump into bed and cover up and say come on in.

She comes in and tells me that besides the funeral today, it was also the anniversary of her son's murder! He was stabbed last year in Spokane.
OMG, what did I get into? Where do these people come from? She is crying and just keeps talking. Somewhere in between the sobs, I fell asleep.

The next thing I know, there's a banging on my door. My eyes can barely open, it is morning and the light is hurting my head. I again walk to the door and crack it a little. There's another girl and she says:
I didn't sleep with him, honest.
Who are you?
I'm funeral girl's friend, and she points into my room. There on my bed is funeral girl, naked and just waking up! She tells her friend to come on in. The girl pushes the door open. Now I'm standing there naked with 2 girls in my room. I run over to my smoke infused jeans, put them on and tell them that they have to leave now. Go to your own room.

I honestly don't think my head has ever hurt so much. Everything was a cloud. On their way out funeral girl did tell me that nothing happened, and I was a gentleman. She just needed to be with someone last night.

On the way home, through the fog, I realized that despite one of the weirdest weekends I have ever experienced, it was great to be able to spend this time with my good friends. And a lesson learned. Don't ask: Hey, How you doin? unless you are ready to hear the truth and maybe become part of the drama that we call life.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2009-12-02T21:19:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. I don't mean the turkey and dressing, or the shopping or the feeling of love for everyone, except the jerk in front of you who steals the last parking spot at the mall.

No, it's that confusing time that you have to decide what health insurance you want to select for next year. At Alaska we call it Open Enrollment.

Last year I selected the regular PPO (not sure what PPO stands for). This meant that I paid $25 copay every time I went to the doctor, the dentist or the eye guy. I forgot what eye guys are called. I also had a $300 deductible, which means I had to pay the first $300. Then the insurance kicks in and pays 80% of everything else. It gets kind of confusing, not sure if the $25 copay goes towards the deductible.

They also have this thing called a Flexible Spending Account. This is an account that I can put pre-tax money into every pay day. I can use this money for copays, and other approved medical services. Doing no research I sign up to put in $50 per pay day. This is a total of $1300. You have to spend the money in the calendar year or you loose it. At the beginning of November, I check to see how much I have left. Imagine my surprise when I discover that I have only 2 months to spend $800.

As most of you know, of all my senses, my hearing is the worst. I can barely hear anything out of my left ear. I'm thinking that $800 just might buy me a hearing aid. This was a huge decision for me as I'm kind of vain. I know that's hard to believe for a lot of you.

Being a little naive, I figure I'll just go to the store or online and order a hearing aid. Did you know that you actually need a prescription? I google hearing aid prescription and I find out that an audiologist writes the prescription. I look up audiologists and find one near my place on Capitol Hill. I make an appointment and take the day off.

After signing all the forms you have to do when you are a new patient, they want my $25 copay. I'm now down to $775. The first thing the audiologist asks me is if I have seen the ear, nose and throat specialist?
No
Well you have to see them first. Luckily for me she has some sort of relationship with the ear, nose and throat doctor across the hall, and sends me over there.

Of course I have no appointment, but after I pay another $25 copay ($750) they squeeze me in. He looks at my throat, my nose and my ears. This is why he must make the big bucks. He
doesn't say much except to tell me to go back across the hall and get a hearing test.

I'm a little perturbed and I'm daring for someone to ask for another copay. But I guess your second visit in one day is free. I spend about a half hour taking the test. Then she tells me that I have to go back across the hall as the ear, nose and throat doctor will go over the results.

Again, no appointment so again I'm squeezed in. He looks at the results and tells me that I have hearing loss in my left ear!
4 years of medical school and 4 more years of residency to tell me that I can't hear out of my left ear.
OK, write me the prescription and I will be on my way.

Not so fast, he says. This type of hearing loss can be genetic or caused by a brain tumor.
What?
Yes, about 2% of this type of hearing loss is caused by a brain tumor.
OH, well 2% isn't bad.
You don't understand, we used to think it was 1 in 10,000. But we discovered it's actually 2 in every 100.

Why does 2 in a 100 sound so much worse than 2%? I started imagining all sorts of scenarios, none of them very pretty. A brain tumor would explain a lot of things besides the hearing loss.

He tells me that I need to get an MRI to rule out the tumor. They call the Radiologist place and make an appointment for me in about 10 days! What if I die in those 10 days?

Those days were very scary and I was a nervous wreck. I didn't tell a lot of people - I mean there was a 98% chance I was fine.

I took another day off work and went to the MRI place. I was in the waiting room and I counted everyone waiting. There were 49 of us waiting. This meant that one of us had a brain tumor. I just knew it was me.

There was no copay for the MRI but they told me they would send a bill to cover whatever the insurance wouldn't pay. After the MRI, they gave me a CD and I was to take it back to the ear, nose and throat doctor. It was about 2 blocks away and it was a very long walk.

Once I got to the doctor they wanted yet another copay. $725 left if you are keeping track. With no fan fare the doctor simply says you don't have a brain tumor.
Whew that was a relief. I expected a little more excitement on his part. No, brain tumor you simply have a loss of hearing in your left ear. After all the stress I wanted to scream at him
JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING PRESCRIPTION.
Of course what I said was,
Can I have the prescription?

No, I don't write those prescriptions, you need to go across the hall and have the audiologist write it up!
I get up and say I'll go now.
OH, she doesn't work on Mondays. You will have to make an appointment for another day.

This will take another day off and another copay ($700).

Also I learn about the math of insurance companies. They pay 80%. Not of the actual cost, but what they think it should cost. I just got the bill for the MRI and my portion is $399. Now I only have $301 left. And another bill from a Laboratory for something called an Inner Ear Ag and and FTGA/Abs and a Draw fee. This bill was for over $400. My share is $44.68.
I'm down to about $250 not enough to buy a hearing aid.
But it's still a lot of money to spend on medical supplies in the next couple weeks.
I guess I will have to go to Costco and buy a life time supply of Q Tips.

No wonder health insurance is so expensive, and I just bet that the jerk that stole your parking spot at the mall is somehow related to the health insurance industry.

Bottom Line: I'm lucky I have no brain tumor.
Have a Great December,
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas
Happy Islamic New Year
Kind Kwanza
Beautiful Boxing Day
Happy New Year
and a Festive Festivus (the holiday for the rest of us)
Peace

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Lessons Learned

2009-11-09T10:57:00.000-08:00

I felt bad that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.

As a kid this was something my mom used to tell me. I had no idea what it meant except, STOP WHINING. In those days it was OK to smack kids, so I would shut up. I never thought much about the parable until recently.

It was a Friday night, which meant I was at Martins. Next to the Piano Bar there's a smaller room which contains the actual bar and a few tables. On Friday you can find two guys, that I describe as characters, playing dominos.

Bud, who just turned 80 came out about 10 years ago after his wife died. He's harmless but he is a 'dirty old man'. He likes to cop a feel, so it's best to stay an arms length away. But he is very funny and has some great stories. What I like about Bud is that he's constantly commenting on what's going on around him, and he calls me "Young Fellow".

Larry is the second guy of the domino duo. He looks like he just stepped out of a Raegae Rave. He's a big Black guy, maybe in his 50's, with long dreads. He has an infectuous laugh and he loves Bud's jokes.

They are always looking for others to join them in the game. Watching and actually playing a few times, it seems that the rules change from 2 to 3 to 4 players. Trust me, you really don't want to play with Larry. He may be stoned, but he can add spots on dominos faster than any computer.

This Friday the Piano Bar is packed, so I wander over to the other side. Bud and Larry are sitting at their table and there is a 3rd guy playing along. Bud introduces me to Phil. He's just an inch or so shorter than me, but about 20 lbs lighter. We shake hands and continue to talk throughout the game.

After a couple hours and a few drinks, I tell them that I have to go home. Phil asked where I lived. I told him about 4 blocks away. Despite being smaller than me, he announces that he is going to walk me home to make sure I get there safely. Later I find out that he's been in many fights.

He walks me to my condo and I ask him up. He says no. Maybe next time. We hug goodnight, then start making out. I reach down to see if the kissing is having the same effect on him as it is me, but he grabs my hand and pulls it away.
"We need to talk" he tells me.

I was bracing myself for the "I'm Positive" speech.
Instead, I was stunned when he stated:
I'm a boy,
But I used to be a girl
Now I'm a boy.

Silence, I had no idea what to say. He filled the silence by further surprising me:
And I decided that it wasn't worth the $40k extra to get the surgery to get the boy part!

We then sat down on the sidewalk bench. For the next hour we talked. He was very candid and answered all my questions. He told me about how he's not accepted by gays and how he's been beat up by straight guys. I found out that it's more common for boys to become girls than it is the other way around. I learned so much from Phil, but I had to be honest with him, as a gay male, the boy part is really important.

Chaz Bono (yes Cher's daughter) has recently gone through this gender reassignment and now considers himself a male. But Chaz has publicly stated that he hasn't decided if he's going to get a penis. Chaz said that sex identification is more between your ears, than between your legs.

Just when I thought I had experienced everything, I meet Phil. I have a new respect for these brave souls. And I found a new friend.

The issues and heartaches that I've had to face are nothing compared to the life that Phil has had to live. I now know the meaning of the story:
Until I met a man who had no . . .

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

match dot com

2009-10-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

It had been a couple months since "S" and I broke up. I was tired of going out and hooking up. I was ready for a real relationship. I was surfing the internet and a pop up ad "popped up", hence the name. It was for match.com. Online dating has been successful for many people. A couple years ago I had tried putting an ad on Craig's List. Read my blogs Aug. 2007 titled "Craig's List", "Halfway House Boy", and "40 Year Old Grandpa" to see how successful I was with my last venture into online dating. But now, I was a couple years older and wiser (I hope).

I click on the ad, showing 2 very hot and seemingly happy guys. It took me directly to the registration page. I gave them some personal data and my credit card number. This will cost me $200, just about $200 more than Craigs List cost. In my feeble mind, I'm assuming that "you get what you pay for". I'm dreaming of great guys just waiting to date me, all for $200 for a 6 month trial period.

I spent the next two nights answering all their questions (it's called building my profile), and telling what I'm looking for in a guy. Answering these questions I realized that my standards are pretty low. Non-Smoker, Aged between 30 and 50, and live about 25 miles from my zip code. You would think that would be a lot of guys. In fact they promised that they would send me 5 suggested guys every day! Wow, they made this easy. I actually went into my calendar and blocked out the next several weekends for these match dot com dates.

The first night, I get my 5 suggested dates. I emailed each of them and told them I was interested. This happened for a week, and email to each guy every night. 7 days, 5 guys, 35 emails. Nothing.

Finally in week 2, I get an email from a non-recommended guy. He had read my profile and was interested. OK, that's cool. We sent a couple emails back and forth and then he gave me his phone number. I called him and the first words out of his mouth were:
"You will have to come up to Edmonds, because my car was re-possessed. You will have to pay, because I lost my job last month. It was my 4th job in 3 months!"
He is 47 years old and has moved back home with his parents. I politely told him that I didn't think it was a good match.

Just days later, the second guy was actually a recommended guy. He emailed me and we started a 2 or 3 a day email exchange. He had just moved to Seattle but he was out of town currently for work. Later he told me he was an antique dealer and was in Nigeria. (Why do they always have to be in Nigeria?). He was really nice and he sent me a picture. He was gorgeous. I later found this same picture online on a porn site. But he was smooth. He even called me on the phone every night. He was originally from London and had a hot accent. The emails got more intimate. After about a week he told me that I was the only one who understood him and he was falling in love. Unfortunately so was I.

Then the email arrived, that I knew deep down would someday arrive. It seemed he was stuck in Nigeria and needed money to get out. He actually asked me to wire him some money. How could I be so naive?

Being naive is one thing, but then the 3rd guy showed how stupid I am and I never learn lessons. Take time out now and read my blog from June 2009 - "Cyber Turns Real".

The 3rd guy sends me an email with his phone number. He had just recently came out and wanted to talk. OK, I remember coming out and how I really needed to talk to someone. So I called the guy up. He's an attorney in Boise. I asked when he had come out, and he said yesterday.

He tells me he is 62, that is out of my range, but I'm not an ageist. Some guys in their 60's work out and act young. There were several red flags, and I should have told him to find someone closer to him. He tells me he'd like to come to Seattle and take me to dinner.

OK that would probably be OK. One night listening to his stories and a free dinner. Then he asks can I stay at your place? If you read the above blog, you know that by now I should have learned and said, NO. But, I said Sure. But you can't fly Southwest, You have to fly Horizon if you are coming up here. My friends at work say I would do anything to sell a ticket. In fact I should be nominated for the North of Expected Award. How many people will hook up just to sell a ticket?

He gets here and he is old. I mean really old, not only physically but he is boring. The first day I have to go work and he goes out on his own. The final night he asks if I could teach him how to do a specific act. I tell him NO, it will come natural don't worry about it. You don't need lessons.

After I let one perfect stranger stay at my place, you would think I would have learned. But no. This is the definition of stupidity.

For some reason I thought for $200 I would get quality guys and a lot of dates. Instead I just got more disappointment. The "paid for guys" are the exactly the same as the "free guys". And that's not saying a lot. Back to the drawing board for me. Any suggestions? Has anyone else had these kind of experiences with paid online dating services?

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Bears and Dogs

2009-09-02T21:14:00.000-07:00

As a kid we would often go camping. There were 6 of us and I'm surprised someone didn't kill someone in the family activity called camping. It seems we would always end up trying to pitch the tent in the dark. You would think that 6 people of at least average intelligence would have figured out that maybe we should wait and leave early the next morning so we wouldn't have to endure the 2 plus hours it took to get the tent up in the middle of the night.

The old tents were made of heavy canvas and the poles were huge aluminum rods. Then there were the 10 or 12 stakes that you had to nail into the ground to keep the tent from flying away. The tent was so heavy I doubt it would ever go anywhere. We always seemed to be missing a part. Then we'd fight and yell at each other about how the poles were supposed to be attached to the tent. It was an exhausting chore just getting the tent up. Camping was always traumatic, and I hated it.

This past week, my good friend Rick and his partner Dean invited me to attend one of their Boyz Weekend campouts. They invited about 45 guys to come to their beautiful lakeside retreat. I immediately got flashbacks to those awful camping experiences I had to endure as a kid. But I bit the bullet. I went to Target and bought a $39 tent and a $25 sleeping bag.

Tents now weigh about 12 ounces. The whole thing fits in a bag smaller than most womens purses. At first I thought I might have to buy the poles separately because I couldn't imagine how they could fit in such a small bag. But when I opened the bag, the poles were these little tiny rods about 9 inches long all folded up with a string inside attaching them all together.

When I got to the camp site, I opened everything up and acted hopeless and helpless. It's amazing how many guys will run to your rescue if you don't have a clue. Within minutes, yes minutes, my tent was up and ready for me to use.

We were camped on Rick's lawn on the shore of the lake. There were about 7 tents and a camper. The rest of the guys stayed inside Rick's house and also the neighbor's house. I'm thinking there were about 30 or so guys that actually showed up. Most of the guys I'd decribe as 'bears'.

In fact when I first got there one of these bears came up to me and asked if I was a pocket bear. I told him that I didn't know what that was. His friend said, no, he's too tall.
What?
It seems a pocket bear is a bear who is 5'6" or shorter. The guys talking to me were about 5'2". They asked how tall I was, I told them I thought I was about 5'7".
See that's too tall.
Let's measure him.
Measure what?
Your height.
So they measured and I am 5'7". So I don't get to be a pocketbear. Damn!

In addition to about 30 bears, there were at least a dozen dogs. About 4 big dogs that I call Labs, because I don't know any other brand of big dogs. About 5 little tiny dogs, from dauchunds, to poodles, and the rest were the plain label dogs. I'm not that fond of dogs, and they know it. Dogs are mans best friend, and if they know you don't like them they try extra hard to make you their friend. Which meant they were all over me. More than once I had to stop one of the little brand of dogs from peeing on my new tent.

Later that night sitting around the campfire, someone next to me says, I think our friend Raymond would be perfect for you. He works at a cruise line. OK, that would be perfect. It would be nice to have a boy friend who worked at a cruise line, or a hotel chain or a car rental place. With my flight benefits, we could have a lot of adventures.
"Don't you think Raymond would be a good match?" he asks.
No, it seems I'm about 30 to 50 lbs too skinny for Raymond. He likes the big boys.

It was a fun weekend, and I guess I'll try the camping thing again. And what a boost to my ego. I've never been told I was too tall or too thin. You gotta love the bears.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Comedy or Tragedy

2009-08-17T21:07:00.000-07:00

'W' travels a lot for all his Board meetings. He also has family in San Francisco and on the east coast. When he was gone he text me every night and emailed me every day. But when he was in Seattle, we always went out to nice restaurants. Most of the time he paid, but sometimes I insisted. One Wednesday night I invited him to meet me at the Icon Grille.

Wednesday night is 1/2 price Washington wine night. Also the Icon honors the Passport card. I'm a Passport member. This means I buy one dinner, I get one free. So, while 'W' pays between $500 and $1000 for dinner, I paid about $60 including tip!

After a couple months of dating we met at Martins for late drinks. I thought everything was going really good. But he starts the evening out by saying, "We need to talk".
There has never been anything good happen after these words were spoken. He tells me that by now we should have deeper feelings for each other.

HUH?

After two months of dating we should be ready to make a committment, and I'm just not feeling that.
Wow!, I never saw this coming.
So now what? I ask.
What I'd really like to do, is to continue going to dinner and have sex. What do you think?

He then gets up to go to the bathroom, "think about it".
It was so weird - it seemed like the whole world stopped. It was like a bad movie. People stopped talking, everything was frozen in time. I looked around the room and no one was even breathing.

My mind was racing, what is going on? why is this happening? I thought everything was going perfect. I would never meet another guy like 'W' again. I probably would never find anyone to even date me again. I felt so alone. This was my station in life.

The world started revolving again when a waiter brought a birthday cake and lit candles to the table behind us. I turned around and saw the cutest Asian couple celebrating a birthday.
"Who's birthday is it?"
The guy said, it's her birthday.
Happy Birthday.
You two make such a cute couple.

Oh we aren't a couple - I'm gay and she's my friend.

Really!!! my name is Rick.
Hi, I'm 'S'
Here's my card, call me sometime.

'W' then came back. I had my answer.
Sure, your plan sounds great.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Finally Mr. Right?

2009-08-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

'W' has always been a special guy. Everyone he meets just loves him. I first noticed him at Martin's. He is older but very good looking and keeps himself in shape. He's one of the "popular boys" at Martin's.

Martin's is one of those classic piano bars. At one end of the bar is a grand piano and a microphone where some brave souls get up and sing. It's not karoke, you have to provide the piano player with music and you have to know the words. In the middle of the room are 3 conversation pit areas with low back red leather chairs and a cocktail table in the middle. Around the edges of the bar are real tables for those wishing to eat.

Martin's is frequented by many regulars. I'm not sure I'd be called a regular. I usually go every Friday night for one drink before I call it an evening. The regulars all know each other and each other's business. They talk about the other regulars that aren't there. Another reason to show up. They share their life and their stories with anyone that is willing to listen.

'W' is one of the regulars, but he travels a lot, so there is a lot of conversation about 'W'. I've heard many conversations about 'W'.

A few months ago on a Friday night, my friend Josh joined me at Martin's. Josh is in his mid twenties and very cute. When we go out, I'm usually his wing man. This night we are sitting in the middle of the room and 'W' approaches us. He asks if he can join us. We both shake our heads yes. I figure, I'll finish my drink, then get up and move or leave so I can leave 'W' and Josh alone.

But 'W' is smooth and engages us both in conversation. Then I notice that he starts talking exclusively to me. Before you notice it's closing time. The three of us ask for our checks. 'W' gets his first, gives them his card, signs the bill and walks out. Josh then got his. After a few minutes I ask again, could I please get my bill. The waiter says, 'W' paid for you. You are very lucky, he likes you.

I run out after him to thank him. He answered, you can thank me by having dinner with me next week. We exchange numbers. About an hour later as I'm laying in bed almost asleep, he calls me to make sure I got home OK. Now this is hot!

That week, I googled his name, and it seems that most of the rumors were true. He's very well known in the telecommunications field. He serves on the Board of Directors of several companies that most of us would recognize. I felt kind of weird finding all this stuff about him. Like envasion of privacy.

We had agreed to meet at the Capital Grille downtown, his favorite restaurant. Walking in, I knew I was way out of my league. Nevertheless, I had vowed to offer to pay for dinner. I didn't want him thinking that I was like everyone else and only going out with him, for the money.

We get seated immediately even though there is a lot of folks waiting in the lobby. They call him by his first name. He orders us a bottle of wine. He excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. I look at the wine menu and notice that already our bill is $200! OK, there goes my planned trip to Mexico.

He comes back and the waiter asks him if he wants his regular. 'W' asks me if I like steak. I of course say yes. Medium Rare? Yes, of course.
OK, we will have 2 of my regulars.

We have a great dinner and conversation. I really like this guy. We are there about 3 hours, when he asks for the check. I glance at it and it's over $500. OK, there goes my mortgage payment. I pulled out my card and I offer it to 'W'. My hand is shaking and my knuckles are white from the tight grip on the card.

No! I asked you out, I pay. I loosen the grip a little. Let's split it. NO! That was a huge relief.

We then walked to his downtown condo. He lived on the 22nd floor. He had purchased 2 condos and had the place gutted and then rebuilt it to his taste. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. He had a 360 degree view of the whole city, sound, and mountains. AMAZING.

He opened another bottle of wine and we talked some more. I told him I had googled him. I also told him I felt guilty about it. Why do you feel guilty?
Well, it's kind of like going through someone's underwear drawer.
He laughed and said it was fine. He had nothing to hide. He asked if he googled me, what would he find.

If you google me, you have to click Next about 350 times to find me. There was a famous baseball pitcher with my name and for some reason, Mr. Google thinks his stats and stories are more important than my 'linkedin' or my book review I wrote for my friend's book, 'Nightmare on Gay Street'.

The whole night was like a fairy tale. I actually thought I may have finally found Mr. Right.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

How the Count Ends

2009-07-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

The Count called me up and he was very upset. He said we needed to talk. We set up a date and agreed to meet at the Broadway Grille. This meant that he was paying. He had an account at the Grille. His grandmother paid the bill every month. She didn't want him to go hungry. She also paid his rent every month.

The Count worked as an Event Planner and a tour guide. He was not dependent on this money. These were more of a hobby. His grandmother made sure that all his "real" bills were covered. She gave him a debit card to cover his regular charges.

I walk into Broadway Grille and he is already there. I find him crying at his regular table. I figure this must be really serious, like death or something. He is a drama queen, but I've never seen him cry before. He immediately starts talking. When he talks I always feel like I just entered the theatre in the middle of the second act. I have to ask questions to get "caught up".

Thru the blubber and tears, I conclude that his father and Grandmother are threatening to take away his debit card. They want to put him on an allowance. His voice raises and he asks me,
"Can you believe that they want to put a 42 year old man on an allowance?"
I ask why they want to take his card away.
"I put over $10,000 on the card last month".

What in the world could you have spent 10k in one month?

I went on the cruise.

Does that include the price of the cruise?

No, my grandmother actually paid for the cruise. The 10 thousand was extra stuff.

Then he asked me a question: "Don't you think I have a right to be upset?"

Do you want me to be honest? OR do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?
He said, Always be honest.

You are a selfish brat. By the time someone is in their 40's they usually have to have a real job to pay their rent and their food. Most of us do not have a grandmother that will pay for all our expenses. You should be appreciative for everything you are getting.

He then tells me that I need to leave now. I agree and walk out.
And that ends the saga of the Count. Honestly I will probably never ever meet another Count in my life. It was an interesting experience. And I am glad that I have that experience.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

Cyber Turns Real

2009-06-08T20:18:00.000-07:00

I was riding home in the carpool, when the phone rang. "Hi Rick, this is 'D'. Oh yea how's it goin? I had just met 'D' last night online in the Phone Chat Room. We talked for quite a while but never had what I imagined was phone sex. I was hoping he didn't want to have phone sex right then while I was in the carpool. They know how weird I am, but that might have been too much even for them.

Guess what? asks 'D'. After we talked last night, I went online and bought tickets to Seattle. I'll be there next Wednesday night. I get to stay with you until the next Monday!
Wow! Really? I'm kind of stunned. He seemed like a regular guy when we talked but remember my stalker? What if that wasn't him in the picture he had on his profile? What am I going to do with this guy for 5 days? There are many things I should have said, but what I actually said was "Cool, what time do you arrive? I will pick you up at the airport."

Wednesday night I drive to the airport and pick him up. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the picture online was of him and it was recent. We stopped and had something to eat. He still seemed very nice. I had to work the next day, so I left him sleeping. All day I was suspicious. What if he steals my stuff? What if he's a meth head? what if he has guys over while I'm gone. When I get home, everything is fine, he even has dinner waiting for me. This is a nice touch. The way to my heart is to make the bed and cook me dinner. That night we stayed in and watched a movie. He had to use my laptop to check his email. I caught him looking at my private pictures. I really don't have anything to hide, but it seemed weird that he was poking around my files.

I had taken the next day off so we took the ferry to Tillicum Village. The next couple days we did the touristy things that you never do unless someone from out of town is in to visit. Have you ever done the duck? After a couple days of site seeing, I was exhausted and tired of being the "perfect" host.

On Sunday 'D' wanted to go to Nordstrom (they don't have them in Omaha). We walked through the shoe department and a pair of New Balance's start calling my name, "rick, rick buy me". I ran over to them and I just knew that it was a relationship made in heaven.
'D' asked me if I liked them. I LOVE THEM. He calls over a sales clerk and asks if they have that shoe in size 10. Size 10? I don't wear size 10! 'D' tells me that he wears size 10, and he's going to buy them too. No you are not. Either you buy them or I buy them, we are not buying the same shoe! That's just weird. He shrugged, bought his shoes and we left the store in silence.

Looking back, I'm not so sure why I got so upset. Maybe everything just piled up for me. His looking at my PC, the constant hosting, and then him buying my shoes.

The next morning I drop him off at the airport. We hugged our goodbyes and he was gone! I felt a huge relief as I drove away. Maybe I wasn't really ready for a full time boy friend or companion yet. The lesson I learned is that if I don't know someone, I'm not letting them stay over at my place for over one night.

After work I went to Nordstrom and bought a really cool pair of New Balance shoes, that had been calling my name.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Phone Sex

2009-05-31T15:16:00.000-07:00

Sitting home on a cold rainy night can be lonely. Especially if you had just broke up with the guy that you thought was Mr. Perfect. And also especially if you are the one that got dumped. This particular night I stare at the laptop and I promise myself that I'm not going online. Well, OK - maybe just for a few minutes. (Famous Last Words).

Online there's a list of chat rooms with the count of people in that particular room. I scroll down to see if there's anything interesting. I stop at:
PHONE - 547
That's a lot of lonely online surfers.
Phone Sex huh? I wonder exactly how that works?

OK I'm not that innocent. I know you talk dirty to each other. I do know some good words and I have an over active imagination. I've watched some gay porn, so I do have an idea of what's supposed to happen.

I enter the room and almost immediately I get a request for a private chat. He says he likes my picture and profile.
Huh? I go back and look at my profile to see what's so captivating. It was pretty basic stuff:
Age minus 10
Height plus 2
Weight minus 10
And a very simple pic of me drinking beer in Puerto Vallarta, and yes I was fully clothed.

I went back to the chat room and he was still there waiting for a response from me.
How's it Going?
Fine and you? My name is (let's call him 'D')
I'm Rick.
Can I call you?

Hmm, I'm thinking that was fast. I took a deep breath and and responded
Wait a minute, then you can call.

I remembered the porn movies. They always had that hard beat disco-ish music playing in the background. I turned on my TV and searched the cable music channels. I was a little disappointed that they didn't have a channel called Porn Music. This meant that I had to sample a few channels to find a suitable replacement. I ended up on channel 916 called Electronica. I pay about $100 a month for cable and this was the first time I ventured past channel 13.

With the music blaring the mood was set. For a minute I thought about lighting candles, then thought that was just weird.

OK, I'm back, you can call now.
I give him my number and the phone rings immediately.

Hi, Rick
Hi, 'D'
Where do you live?
Seattle, and you?
Omaha.

I used to live in Omaha, so for the next 30 minutes we talk about how much the city has changed since I lived there. He asked about Seattle and I told him how nice it was with the mountains and the water and it was so gay friendly. He told me he had always wanted to visit Seattle. I told him he really does need to come out. After about a half hour he tells me his phone is dying and asks if he can call me again tomorrow.

My first experience with phone wasn't that bad, no sex involved whatsoever. And 'D' did seem to be a nice guy. I guess we should be brave sometimes and try things we wouldn't normally do. I also learned that I probably won't be going past channel 13 again in the near future.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Buy a Boy Friend

2009-03-17T19:01:00.000-07:00

There seem to be 4 different phases of gay relationships. I'm not counting friendship as a phase. Friends can create their own drama and problems. The phases are:

1. Hooking up - these are usually a one time just for sex relationship. (Can you call it a relationship if it only lasts a night?). Even though I know a few guys who have met via a hookup and then become boy friends, most of the time hookups are simply just sex. If I ever know the name of a hookup, I soon forget, or I write a blog about them.

2. Dating - Hopefully you remember the names of guys you are dating. So far I've been able to do that. Dating is very interesting - you are not exclusive but sometimes one of you assume that you will spend at least one of the weekend nights together. This is why it's hard to date more than one guy at a time. But it does seem perfectly acceptable to date more than one guy at a time. It depends on the couple to determine when you cross the line from dating to be being boy friends. One of my dates actually had a rule. You have a conversation after 3 months of dating. I'm not sure if you don't have a talk, if you simply wake up one day and you are boy friends? So far in my limited experiences, this is the most fun phase. Getting to go out with a cute boy or boys, and very little drama. We still tend to be on our best behavior.

3. Boy Friend - This phase usually begins with high hopes. Usually most boy friends are exclusive. You also assume that you will spend most weekends together. After dating you know enough of the baggage to either have accepted it or moved on. You still don't live together but you spend most nights together. Again personally I'm not sure how you exactly get to the point of moving from dating to boy friend. Also I'm not sure what the formality is of moving from boy friend to partner. Michael my ex, said we would have a talk after being together for a year about moving in together. Deep down I was always afraid of that discussion. Where does the relationship go after the talk and the answer is NO? You can't go back to dating? This usually is the end of the entire relationship. If the answer is No, boy friends usually go their own ways, either hating each other or becoming good friends. Michael and I never made it to the "moving in" conversation - we broke up a few months before the year. But I'm happy to say that we are good friends.

4. Partners - everyone says this is what they are looking for. Generally this means that you live together. Maybe you have registered as a domestic partner and/or have a committment ceremony. I know several couples in this category. For about half of them it means "opening up" the relationship. I don't know if I could handle that myself. But I'm certainly not going to judge them.

There are some people stuck in one phase and they have no desire to move on. They are perfect happy just hooking up. There are others that are serial daters, not wanting a boy friend. I'm still so new to everything I'm not sure what I want. Sitting here typing my blog, I really think that I would like at least a boy friend. I do know that I'm tired of hooking up.

No moral to the blog, just some observations. So what do you think? Did I miss something? Did I incorrectly describe these?

In the meantime there's one category that I didn't even describe.

Synergy Events presents - BACHELOR AUCTION09

No cover!
Wednesday, April 8
Doors open at 8 PM

Julia’s Restaurant
300 Broadway East
Seattle, WA
(206) 334-0513

Join our host, performer Mark “Mom” Finley, at Julia’s Restaurant as we raisefunds to benefit Lifelong AIDS Alliance.

Kick off your night when doors open at 8 PM with our welcome mixer featuring specialty cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. Mix and mingle while celebrated guest DJ Kyler from C89..5 FM spins your favorite tracks.

We’re auctioning off 10 of Seattle’s hottest bachelors combined with complimentary date packages from your favorite local haunts. Take in the show and bid as our bachelors take the stage and give us their best. Underwear provided by Red Drawers. (HOT)

Enjoy our intermission show with a surprise performance by Julia’s own Sean Paul and premium door prizes from our supporting sponsors.

For every $25 in food or beverage purchased, receive a complimentary ticket to Julia’s Le Faux female impersonation show!

Visit the Red Drawers underwear sales display with their best selling inventory available. 10% of sales at the benefit will be donated to Lifelong!

General donation suggested at door. All proceeds go to Lifelong AIDS Alliance.. Event 21+

Come join the party and enjoy the show to support Lifelong!

For questions or to volunteer at the benefit, please contact Synergy Events at gqjustin@yahoo.com .

Not sure where in my phases does "buy a boy" fit in. But come on out and have fun.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Long Gone Friends

2009-02-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

It was New Years Eve and I had about 20 people over to my place for a party and watch the fireworks from my roof top. As with all my parties, there was a curfew. Everyone was expected to leave around 12:30am. The fireworks are over by 12:15 so that gave everyone 15 minutes to say their goodbyes and move on to the next party.

At midnight when the fireworks were going off, I felt totally alone. Even though I was surrounded by loved ones, it was a very lonely feeling. Another year older and still alone. Most everyone was coupled off. I had a lot of emotions and some did see me cry. I felt embarrassed and did not want to ruin anyone's fun.

Just when I recovered from this lonely feeling and I was actually starting to feel pretty good about myself, Valentine's Day rears it's ugly head, and POW knocks me down again. Who's in charge of this ego busting schedule?

Besides these internal feelings, I also recently lost four friends. After faithfully being very dependable for years, my truck stopped working right on I5. I was coming home from a bike ride and my bicycle was in the back. I tried to merge onto I5, but the transmission failed to "jump" into 3rd gear.(See my blog "It Sucks To Be Me") Then it wouldn't go at all. Luckily I was going fast enough so I could pull over to the right shoulder. I called AAA and they sent a tow truck. The guy hooked up my car and actually dropped my truck off at the fix it shop right next to my place. And I got to ride up front with him. It's kind of hot sitting next to a hunky tow truck guy wearing my biking spandex!

The fix it guy looked it over and declared that the truck was on life support. He has been trying to find a transmission for almost a year. He found one but it would cost more than the truck was worth. So I made the painful decision to remove it from life support.

Then yesterday I was down in my garage (secure parking) and I noticed that my bicycle that had been chained to a railing was missing. I searched the garage and it was gone. Someone had stolen my bicycle. It's a Black 2006 Cannondale Bad Boy. It was the best bicycle ever!! Friends have moved up and bought some sort of a carbon bike that is cool, but it's not my Bad Boy. It's not enough that I'm feeling depressed about V Day, but then someone has to steal a bike from someone who doesn't even own a car!

The other two friends that I lost are not dead or missing and I don't want anything bad to happen to them. One has been a "friend" for about 5 years.We've had our ups and downs through the years. But this time it was different. The more I think about it the more I think he was my friend, but I don't think I was his friend. The other is a more recent relationship. I don't have a lot invested in him, but it still hurts whenever you loose someone who you really like. Was this loss my fault? Probably.

Will I miss my 4 friends? Maybe. I already miss my truck and bicycle!

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Keep the Toaster?

2009-01-10T16:45:00.000-08:00

The Count and I were at the new Elite just before Christmas having a hot chocolate. It's called the new Elite because there used to be an old Elite. Of course it wasn't called the old Elite because no one knew that there would be something new to take it's place. It was simply known as the Elite. The old one was dark, narrow and quite scairy. The new one is actually pretty nice. It has 4 separate sections. The first is the main bar, then you walk into a big pool table room. Off the pool playing room (I wonder if pool playing rooms have a unique name?) is a little lounge with a sofa and a couple chairs. Upstairs is the dart playing room.

The Count and I were in the lounge enjoying our hot drink, when a guy comes in and joins us. He tells us his name is Bill. He is really excited. He's a deacon or something at a Lutheran church downtown. They just sold the parking lot next to them and they have a lot of money. He just won approval by the board of deacons to spend the money and build a new church with low income housing on top. He was so excited.

I was impressed with him. It's kind of sexy to meet someone who has an enthusiasm for anything anymore. He asked us if we knew any architects because it was going out to bid the next month. I actually do know 2 architects so he gave me his card. I sent Bill an email later that week telling him that they would be in contact .

Bill then responded back and asked if I wanted to meet for a drink that night. I said sure. So we met. The more he drank the more obnoxious he got. OK, not obnoxious but I don't know an appropriate word. I lived with an alcoholic for many years and there has to be a word for the way they get. He kept telling me that he was a nice guy.

Later that week he asked if I wanted to go to dinner, so we went to dinner by my place. It was a nice meal, and of course he drank a lot. He told me that he had a drinking problem and he hoped that it wouldn't get in the way of our relationship. I told him we really didn't have a relationship yet, and if we did I couldn't promise that it wouldn't get in the way. I described some of the behaviors that really bothered me. I told him if he really was a nice guy, he wouldn't have to tell everyone. He politely listened.

He stayed over that night. The next morning he wanted breakfast. Sorry I don't have anything in the house to cook for breakfast.
That's OK, just toast and coffee.
Sorry I don't have a toaster. So we went out.

A week later he called me at work and asked if I wanted to go see the new movie Frost/Nixon that night.
Sure OK.
Let's meet at Ruth Cris first for Happy Hour then go to the movie.

The movie started at 7. Happy Hour begins at 4. Because of the bad weather and having to take a bus home, I left work at 4. At 6 I get to Ruth Cris where he has been getting happy since 4. He ordered himself another one and I ordered a water. I didn't want to fall asleep in the movie. I hear it's boring enough without the influence of alcohol.

He then told me the PLAN. I would move into his penthouse, and he would hire a decorator to "fix" up my condo so I could rent it.
"Whoa Dude!" the second time in a month that I've used that expression. "What's wrong with my place?" Walking home later I realized I should have been more shocked that he had moved me into his penthouse. But the condo is a personal attack against my decorating taste.
"Nothings wrong", he says, it just could use some help.

He then fell off his barstool and the waiter came over and told me he couldn't drink anymore. OK, no movie. The check came and Bill was in no condition to even get his wallet out. So I paid the $100 Happy Hour check. I had to walk him back to his place. Once there he gave me a Christmas present. I had no idea we were exchanging presents. I opened it and simply stared at it. A stainless steel toaster! A very fancy and nice one. I knew I had to have the "talk" with him. I also knew I couldn't talk to him then because he was drunk and maybe, just maybe it was the alcohol talking and he really didn't want me to move in.

But then he got out a list of decorators he had put together and told me to investigate each and pick one out! So he had planned this while sober. And he had a listing of jobs available downtown because he didn't want me working way out by the airport. I said I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow.
Don't forget your toaster.

I met him the next day for lunch and told him that his drinking is causing a problem. I wanted to date for a while and see if I could get over this. But he accelerated everything too fast. After a couple dates he had me moving in with him, renting my condo out, and getting a new job.

There's a joke on the streets, (and excuse me if I offend anyone), Lesbians go out on their first dates in a UHAUL. That's how I felt. I told him he was forcing me to make a decision and the decision was I didn't want to go out anymore. He cried, and said he understood. He then got up and walked out.

I felt bad that he cried, but I felt empowered that I am finally taking control of my own life. I got back home and starred at the toaster. Should I give it back? A moral dilema: I still haven't made any toast, just in case.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Crotch Less In Seattle

2009-01-02T18:05:00.000-08:00

A lot of folks make New Years Resolutions. Eat better, Loose weight, stick to
a budget, Blah, Blah, Blah !!
Send me an email in about a month and let me know how these are going for you.

This year I made no resolutions, but I did promise myself that I was going to teach myself how to sew.
I always buy my jeans at the Gap. I like how they look and they always have my size. Wouldn't you think that 29 or 30 waist and a 30 inseam would be a pretty standard size?
No. I can find 30 waist and 36 inch inseam. What are these guys like 6 ft 8 and weigh 90 lbs? or 42 inch waist and 30 inch inseam. These guys are just opposite. They must look like balloons.

My only complaint with Gap jeans is that they wear out in the crotch. OK make jokes, let's go with the one that my endowment is causing them to rip! I have 4 pair of Gap jeans that are so worn "down there" that I am now crotch less. So on Thursday afternoon, I decided it was now time to learn how to sew. I went to Walgreens and bought a little sewing kit. I opened the kit and it took almost a half hour before I could even figure out how to get the thread off the little spindle thingy. I finally got some thread and then I tried to stick the thread thru the needle holey thing. I remember watching my grandmother licking the end of the thread and simply pushing it through. I swear the holes must have been bigger then. I never did get the thread in the hole. Later in my carpool, they asked me if I tried using the little aluminum thing that is made to thread the needle? I thought that was just advertising thing so I threw that away!

I got frustrated and went back to the store and bought a bunch of iron on patches. I ironed the patch on my first pair of jeans and it stuck!! However, I patched it on the outside so my light blue jeans now have a dark blue patch right on the crotch, from the front all the way back to the ass. Not sure what I'm advertising here.

I got smart after the first one and turned the jeans inside out and patched from the inside. It's amazing they worked. So I'm not crotchless anymore. What a relief. I never did learn how to sew, but I did repair my pants, which really was my goal. So be careful what you ask for, remember it's the end product you are seeking.

Sewing probably will never happen, but I am an ironing GOD.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

2008-12-29T19:39:00.000-08:00

I pride myself on being a social liberal. However, these "feel good" feelings all go away the minute I step aboard public transit. I become the most intollerant Republican in the world. When I step off all is right with the world again and I gain my senses back.

Recently Seattle was hit hard with snow, ice, cold, and wind. You name it we got it. I believe it was the Monday before Christmas. There was so much snow that no one in our carpool dared to drive. So I bundled up and walked the mile to the bus tunnel. There are two busses that go from downtown all the way to Federal Way with a stop at the airport.

The 174 is a milk run. It stops every other block for the entire 40 mile ride. It takes forever. The 194 is an express. It goes through downtown then hops on I5, stops at the airport and then continues on to Federal Way. A much better option. However, the airport is still 2 miles from my office. So if I take a 194, I either have to walk or transfer to a 174 anyway.

This particular snowy morning, it was reported that half the busses aren't running at all. After a 30 minute wait, a 174 shows up. Oh, well it will be warm. I'll just get on this and listen to my ipod and sleep. The bus gets to Boeing Field still about 5 miles from the airport when the driver stops and yells, "Last Stop!! this bus only goes to Boeing Field."

Mathematicians tell us that there is an infinite number of numbers. They forgot to tell Metro about this "law of the universe". I now know that there is a 174 bus that only goes to Boeing Field, another 174 that only goes to the airport and finally a 174 that goes the entire route. They must have got a deal on the 174 signage! People on the bus start yelling at the driver because everyone left on the bus wants to go to the airport.

"Someone Call 911" someone screams.
I look back and a guy behind me is having convulsions. A small woman (4'11" 90lbs) is trying to pull him out into the aisle. This whole time people are yelling at the driver.
"His feet are caught" the woman screams. Without thinking, I get on my hands and knees and crawl to his seat and move his feet sideways so she can pull him out. He has bitten his tongue and there's blood all over his face. He's laying on his side in the aisle and the convulsions stop and he is breathing.
"Stand Back" I yell. I learned this from my Flight Attendant training.
"He's breathing, so leave him alone".
I'm not sure if I would have given him mouth to mouth. I had already been exposed to every known disease in the world by crawling on the floor of a bus. Have you ever seen what goes on in a bus?

It seems that the people that generally need help are the stinky dirty and ugly ones. Why couldn't Ryan Phillipe been sitting behind me? Then of course I started feeling guilty for these thoughts.

The Aid Car showed up pretty fast, and there were still people arguing with the driver about the routing. When help arrived, I got off the bus and trudged down the street to the next bus stop, waiting for hopefully what would be the correct 174 bus.

The next day, the roads were still bad, so my carpool bowed out again. So Jen, my carpool pal caught the bus with me. The ride to work was surprisingly uneventful. But the ride home was bad. Since half the busses weren't running, when the 174 bus picked us up, it was already full. Jen and I were standing in the aisle. Then Jen asked me if I could move back. We were pretty crowded so I was wondering why she would ask that question. She nodded at a drunk sitting directly beside us. He was bent over and it looked like he was about to throw up on us.

Normally I would bet that he was just sleeping and leaning forward. But, I'm with Jen. If you think I have bizarre stories and incidents in my life, then you haven't met Jen. I did the math and I figured with both of us together the odds were pretty good, we were going to be hurled on. I started wondering which one of us would tell the better story. But then she nudged me back to reality. I looked at the drunk one more time and decided it was time to move. I started pushing people aside and we both made a few feet towards the back. No story from either of us, but we made it home with no puke on our shoes or pants. Sometimes it isn't worth a story. This in itself was a victory. What am I thankful for in this new year? My carpool runs at least 51 weeks a year with no incidents.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

So This Is Christmas

2008-12-24T16:06:00.000-08:00

Well another year is over. I'm humming John Lennon's song while I write this:
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

On to the blog. I look back this past year and a lot has happened to me. And to all of us.
1. We elected a New President, which gives us all hope that:
War is over
If you want it
War is Over Now.
2. Rediscovered myself
3. I have a new appreciation for family and friends.
4. Reestablished old friendships and gained new ones.
5. Moved into a new condo.
6. Grew a goatee.
6. Lost 2 very important people in my life.

This year I've hooked up some and dated even less. I'm learning the true meaning of a good relationship.
The past week has been downright miserable in Seattle. It started with about 6 inches of snow. Then a few days of cold below 20 degrees. Then more snow. Of course living in "liberal" Seattle we have a belief that salt to melt the snow is environmentally bad. So we simply plow the roads leaving a couple inches of ice and then pour tons of sand on top. There are some experts now arguing that sand is actually worse for the environment than the salt. I'm not sure, but I do know that the city looks like a war zone.

I've had little or no trouble getting around. I walk everywhere and take a bus to work. I've made it to work everyday. It generally takes 2 hours to get there and 2 hours to get home. My next blog will deal with public transit. I feel so guilty when I take it because the minute I step aboard, I start thinking like a Republican. I will explain that more in depth next time too.

It's Christmas eve and I'm googling places (bars) that might be open tonight on Capitol Hill. There are a few of us with no plans, so we are going to hang out together. Someone told me that Christmas eve is an almost guaranteed night to get lucky. You run into other singles as lonely and desperate as yourself. That's what makes Christmas so special. Being with loved ones, even if you just met them.

So we start anew. New adventures, new romances, new stories. I truly love all of you and I thank you for sharing my life with me through my blog.

Have a Happy Hannakuh,
Joyful Solstice
Merry Christmas
Profitable Boxing Day
Happy Yule Mas
Happy New Year
Exciting Kwanza

Until Next Year - Wise OUT

Water Sports

2008-12-06T22:18:00.000-08:00

One night after work, the carpool folks, Jen, Carley and I decided that we needed to have a happy hour. So we went to poco for wine and a cheese plate. After a couple hours we decided it was time to go. I volunteered to drive Carley home. So we started walking towards my place to get my truck.

Carley mentioned that maybe we should have one more drink before we went home. So we go into the Cuff. On Monday nights there aren't too many people there. Carley orders a beer and I order a coffee and water. I am going to drive in a few minutes.

Before we left, I had to pee. So I go into the bathroom. I'm standing at the urinal and I hear someone come in. There is bathroom etiquette, even in a gay bar. The unwritten rule is you stare straight ahead and don't say anything. So I'm following the rules.

Then I felt splatter, I look down and there is a hand in the urinal and I'm peeing on it, and the hand starts feeling me. OMG. I shout, "Whoa Dude!" Now I'm not the kind of guy that ever uses the word dude. It just doesn't fit my personality.

I look over and the guy I'm peeing on is my stalker!

"Dude, you have to just stop this. I'm not into any of this."

OK, he says. And that was that. The stalker has never text or called me since.

I've never experienced anything like this before, and I guess I should be happy that my stalker is gone. But part of me thinks, I can't even get a good stalker. I use the word "dude" on him and he gives up. My inferiority complex comes out and tells me, "you aren't even worthy of a decent stalker".

I guess the moral of this story is that there are weird people doing weird stuff. Some think that I should have hit the guy. But I've learned that maybe all you need to do is say Whoa Dude, Stop It.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Royalty?

2008-11-13T16:27:00.001-08:00

His name is Kody. He goes by Count Kody. I asked if he was a real Count and he just starred at me. I have never figured out if that meant, "why would you ask such a stupid question? of course I am" OR "why would you ask such a stupid question? there are no real Counts"
Regardless, it was a stupid question. I've never actually asked that question to any human being before. To my friends, he is known as the Count. "Is the Count coming with you?" What are you and the Count doing next weekend?

We met at Madison Pub and I gave him my number. He called me the next day and we made plans to meet the next Friday night at Boom Noodle for dinner. He arrived wearing a cowboy hat, a white tuxedo shirt with ruffles, a bright purple scarf, holey acid washed tight jeans and alligator cowboy boots.

Kody is a little bit shorter than me a whole lot skinnier. I'd kill for his body. He has rock star long hair. Most of what I know about him, I learned from his website, or from a few of the friends that I've met through him. He is an event planner and a tour guide. He has a grandmother in Washington DC. I believe he lives off a trust fund of some sort.

After dinner we walk to his apartment. It has 3 huge crystal chandeliers and nice museum quality oil paintings with gawdy frames hanging on the walls. He has a red velvet drape above his bed, and another one hanging at the head . He has an oil painting of what looks like the Virgin Mary hanging on the drape at the head of the bed. He has two spotlights aimed at the picture.

I told him nothing was going to happen with Mary watching. He said, that's not Mary, it's St. Christopher, the patron saint of travelers. Well I guess that's OK then. But Christopher looks a lot like Mary. I bet no one has ever seen the two of them in the same room. It was kind of weird with him/her watching, under spotlights!

Kody has never asked anything about me. He doesn't know or care where I work, how old I am, anything about my family, nothing nada. If he asked me, then I guess I could ask him and he would have to answer me with those weird stares. He enjoys showing me off to his friends, and insists on walking hand in hand on the streets and he sits right next to me at restaurants. But he won't kiss. Even when we are alone. I think I'm his trophy straight acting gay boyfriend. I've never been a trophy before, and I will have to think long and hard about how I feel about this. I really don't think we are boy friends either.

So why am I still seeing this guy? Part of me is fascinated in meeting someone so unlike me. I've never met anyone like him. I will go along for the ride and see where the trip takes me.

You have to admit I really do meet some interesting guys. Remember the professional wrestler and the stalker? Now the Count.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Yes We Can!

2008-10-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I was a BIG Hillary supporter. After the convention I gave my lukewarm support to Obama. But, now with the election getting closer and for some reason the polls are getting closer too, I need to make a bigger endorsement for Obama.

There's too much at stake to let the old guard continue running the show. How's that been working for us anyway? There is the entire future of our country at stake here. Supreme Court justices, environmental issues and human rights for everyone. Not just for those that the religious right have deemed worthy.

Please, PLEASE, get out and vote. Send the entire country a message. Not in a whisper but in a gigantic ROAR. GIVE US BACK OUR COUNTRY!
Give us President Barack Obama and Vice-President Joe Biden.

And it's also the local races that are important. If you live in California (yes I have readers in California), it's most important to Vote NO on 8. If you don't live in California but know someone who does, give them a call, voice your opinion and ask them to vote NO on 8.

In Washington it's very important that we return Christine Gregoire to Olympia. We can't afford to have Dino Rossi and his cohorts run our state.

Don't think that we live in a state where your vote doesn't count because we will probably go for Obama anyway. This is the logic that put George W in the White House for 8 years.
TAKE BACK OUR COUNTRY on Tuesday Nov. 4.

And if you are in the neighborhood, join a few of us at Neumo's on Capitol Hill starting at 5pm to watch the returns and celebrate. Neumo's is at 925 Pike Seattle, 98122
http://www.neumos.com/

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Brothers and Sisters

2008-10-25T18:43:00.000-07:00

Josh and I were at poco one night and there were 2 guys sharing the bar with us. We started talking and discovered that they were half brothers and best friends. One guy, we will call him Brother #1 definitely had a thing for Josh. But that's not unusual, whenever we go out together, the guys all have a crush on Josh. He's cute and young. The brothers were entertaining and fun. They were kind of catty but in small doses that can be funny. Both Josh and I thought they were cool and we had a good time with them.

A couple weeks later we are at poco's again and the brothers show up. You know, it's really too bad that sometimes events happen that can ruin a good memory. They were slightly drunk already and especially bitchy. Brother #1 was all over Josh, to the point it was getting embarrassing. But what happened to me was more so.

Brother #2 grabs my hand and pulls me into the bathroom. We start making out and such. After a while we go back to the bar. It's a very small place and everyone was looking at us. I turned several shades of red.

After another glass of wine, Josh and I decide we are done for the night. We leave and the brothers follow. Brother #1 wants Josh to join him at another bar. Josh is stronger than I am, he simply says NO. Brother #2 walks me to my place and asks if he can come up. Sure, why not? We go up to my place...

What's with guys now? What happened when you would do it and the hookup would simply go home? No, Brother #2 wanted to spend the night. He had to work the next day, so he had to get up at 5am to walk home to get ready for work. I never heard back from Brother #2 until the next week when I ran into him on the hill.

He made it a point to tell me that the only reason we hooked up was because he wasn't wearing his glasses. And on his way home he got sick and threw up in the bushes! OK, that's a double whammy for the ego. Let's see, I'm ugly and sex is so bad, guys actually get sick afterwards. Nice!

As some of you know, I recently completed the Landmark Forum. It was a great experience for me. I learned a lot about myself. I have (actually everyone has, but I want to keep this personal), a little voice that always has conversations with me. It's constantly chattering, telling me what I ought to do. It's also very negative. I've learned, or am learning (it's tough) to acknowledge the voice (it will never go away), but don't let it run my life. Let me make the decisions about my life, not that little voice.

After the seminar I called Michael my ex boyfriend and apologized. I played a game on him. I posted on this blog stuff about him and our break up. I wanted people to take my side, and it worked. A lot of people changed their opinion of him. But it wasn't worth it. Neither of us was right or wrong. It just happened. Michael now has a new boyfriend and before the seminar, I took this to mean that I was unworthy and a failure in our relationship. But I don't have these feelings anymore. They weren't authentic feelings.

So back to the Brothers. Josh and I now refer to them as the Sisters. I'm not sure if he told me that stuff to make me feel bad or what. But it doesn't matter. It happened. I'm moving on.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Stalkers and Technology

2008-10-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, Josh and I are at the Cuff at 60's Karoke Night. I know, don't ask why we were there. Let's just say we were with two very bitchy sisters. (Maybe the subject of a future blog). Anyway two guys walked in together. One fairly cute guy and a weird looking guy in a kilt. They sitdown at a table close and the cute guy and I make eye contact a couple times.

I get up the courage (that means my 2nd beer) and walk over to their table.
It turns out the cute guy isn't really that cute, but he's a professional wrestler. Tell me, when's the last time you met a professional wrestler? Exactly! You don't get out enough. He is interesting and he tells me he will email the url of the wrestling site so I can get the schedule. Yea, like I'm actually going to go to a wrestling match. Anyway I give him my card which has my cell and email address.

Two days later I get a phone call from an unknown number. I answer and this guy says hi.
Hi.
Do you remember me?
No
I'm the guy at the Cuff the other night. Remember you put your hand up my kilt.
NO I DIDN"T.
Oh, well anyway guess where I am?
I don't know.
I'm at the Metropolitan Grill downtown.
Oh, that's a nice place.
Yea, I'm in the bathroom, in a stall with my pants around my ankles, and I'm......
Whoa!!! and I hang up.

Every day since then, I usually get about one or two calls or texts. He has even sent pictures of his anatomoy to me. I don't answer and always hit ignore on my phone. I know, I need to get out the 500 page Blackberry manual and figure out how to make it so his calls and texts won't even come through. But he's harmless.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. A woman at work (she's the nicest human being in the world by the way), asks if she can give my blog address to a friend of hers. Then she tells me how great the guy is and kind of sets us up.

So Dan emails me and we start chatting. We do this for a couple days then we agree to talk on the phone. He calls me up and we talk for about an hour, and he seems to be a genuine guy. We agree to meet the next Tuesday night at CC's to meet each other in real life. My friend had shown Dan a picture of me, but I had no idea what he looked like.

Right after Dan hangs up, the Church Lady (see previous blogs) calls me and we talk about the Sunday School schedule. Then my mom called and talked for like 45 minutes. After she hangs up, I figure I better capture Dan's number and put it in my cell. You can figure out what happened. I put the Church Lady's number in my cell as Dan's number.

Tuesday night at CC's I show up about 5 minutes early and walk in. There's this guy sitting near the front, who waves and says Hi, He's cute and friendly, so I say hi, and wait but he doesn't say anything else. OK that's not Dan. But in my mind I'm thinking OK, if Dan's a flake and doesn't show up, and this guy is still alone in 20 minutes, I'll go over and start talking.

I walk around the bar "displaying" myself in case Dan is there. No response from anyone. I get a beer and sit at a table close to the door and across from the cute guy. And WAIT and wait and WAIT. After about 15 minutes, I text Dan (really the Church Lady), saying "OK, I'm at the bar waiting for you" (Thank goodness the Church Lady doesn't text and both her and her husband know I'm gay).

Then my phone rings. I expect to see Dan's name on the screen, but it's the number of the stalker. So I press Ignore. A couple minutes later the stalker calls again. That's kind of weird even for him, Usually the 2 calls aren't that close together. The third time the stalker calls, I figure out OH, maybe that's not the stalker's number. I go to my history on the phone, and OMG,it's not the stalker's number - close but 2 numbers different.

So I call the number and the guy across from me for about 30 minutes picks up his phone and answers.
The cute guy across from me was Dan! To make a boring story short, Dan and I had a great time the rest of the night,and he came over the next week for dinner and a video. AND the most important thing, I have captured the stalkers number in my cell and assigned it the STALKER. So now when he calls it shows his name. Someday when I have time, I will learn how to make it so I don't even receive his calls.

Unlike other blogs, this one has no moral to the story. It is what it is. Speaking of nothing. My next blog will talk about my 3 day Landmark Forum seminar. I know some of you have been waiting to hear about the new version of me called Rick 2.0. But after the seminar I will be known as Rick 0.0 - You will get the meaning or non-meaning of this on my next blog.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Blogs

2008-10-09T19:44:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently told me that he wanted to start writing a blog, but didn't think anyone would be interested in what he had to say. There's also a fear of not knowing exactly what to blog about.

For me, it's the "Great American Novel" dilemna. I really want to write a novel, but if I do, it has to be wonderful and on the New York Times Best Seller List. Also to quote Sarah Pallin, "Gosh darn it, wouldn't it be cool if they made it a movie?"

So until recently if I didnt' have the idea and was guaranteed a success I wouldn't even attempt it. Then I started blogging. I was scared about baring everything to the internet, but I simply sat down and started writing. Most of my stuff sucks and is boring, but every once in a while, I write something that touches someone, maybe a tear, maybe a laugh, but mostly an "OMG Rick, what are doing?"

I realize I will never be published but I enjoy the exercise of putting my thoughts, fears, and hopes on a blog. A medium that guarantees that my thoughts will long outlive me.

Anyway my friend recently started blogging. He sent me his link:
http://gaytrails.blogspot.com

I read his postings and there was one in particular that gave me pause. And really this is what blogging and sharing is all about. I am very proud of my friend, Jeff. It does take courage to put yourself out there for the whole world to read, criticize and praise.

Remember the longest journey begins with the first step. Go ahead, start doing what you really want to do.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Church Lady

2008-09-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

I will be taking a couple weeks off, to chill and make my annual trek to Mexico. Before I get into my weird personal life, I wanted to be serious for a minute.

This years annual AIDS walk in Seattle will be held on Saturday October 4 at 9am in Seattle's Volunteer Park. I wasn't sure if I'd have another blog before then. Last year I blogged and told about the few charites that I contribute to. Lifelong AIDS is one of them.

Everyone at Alaska Airlines would love to have you join our team. Or if you can't walk, they have made it very simple to contribute. Please follow the link below and give whatever you can to a great cause. You will notice that you can donate on behalf of those already registered to walk. Truthfully eveyone registered is cuter than me. So if you are shallow like me, where looks are important, don't feel bad giving to someone elses efforts.

www.lifelongevents.org/site/TR/AIDSWalk/TeamRaiser?team_id=9450&pg=team&fr_id=1210&s_tafId=7060

Also our team captain and my good friend, Justin (I am shallow, Justin is hot), has put together another FUN FUN night with proceeds benefitting Lifelong and the Imperial Court. I'm sorry I don't know what the Imperial Court is. But if Justin is involved, they must do something good.

Reel Mean!
Join Synergy Events and the Mean Girls for a night of laughter and fun as we raise funds for two local organizations!
Wednesday, October 1st(7 -10:30 pm)
Neighbours Nightclub1509 BroadwaySeattle, WA
The fun begins at 7 with music by DJ Kyler (C89.5) and a gag reel featuring some of the funniest comedy skits on TV!
Then grab a few snacks and kick back with our host Aleska Manila for a screening of Mean Girls!
Entry only $3! Event proceeds to benefit Lifelong AIDS Alliance and Imperial Court of Seattle.
Get you tickets online now!

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/41774

If you ever wonder what is going on and need suggestions on what to do, I found a great website that will help you plan your week or evening.

http://www.seattlegayscene.com/

Enough about everyone else. What about me? You won't believe this. I took last Friday off. That actually means I started partying early. I met Josh at Poco's for Happy Hour. We stayed way past Happy Hour. Then we headed over to Madison Pub. After about an hour there, my cell rings. I answer and find that it's the lady in charge of children's education at my church, Westside Unitarian. It was too loud to hear so I had to go outside.

By now, I've been partying for a long time. To make a long story short, I volunteered to be a Sunday School teacher!!! Yes, laugh. And not for High School or Jr High kids, no toddlers!! And they better not whine or wet their pants. If a 4 year old thinks he has problems, I will sit him down and tell him what real problems are.

After a few more drinks , Josh and I parted company and I went over to Martin's to finish off the night. It was about midnight and I had to get up early the next day to take a train to Portland for a wedding. At Martin's I met a guy and we kind of hit it off, then headed over to my place...

Let's just say, there's a natural law that says that guys are way cuter at 1am than they are at 5am, which is the time I had to get up to go to the train station.

I have to be the only human being alive that has accepted the position of a Sunday School Teacher while drunk, then went home and hooked up. I'm going to be some role model.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

THE Love Story

2008-08-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

Bud had just got home from World War II. Home was Council, Idaho. This is where and when he met the beautiful Yvonne Kilborn. Depending on who told the story, she was either 16 or 17. They met at the local donut shop and immediately fell in love. In a few months they were married and moved up to the mountain in a shack.

Bud started working wherever he could find it. First it was a sawmill then he became a truck driver. He had amazing stories about driving trucks down steep and narrow roads. It always seemed to be winter in the stories. They soon had 3 sons. Rick, Mike, and Pat. Later they would adopt the girl that Yvonne always wanted. Kathy was what god sent to the family to answer all their prayers.

In 1971, tragedy hit the family. Rick had just graduated from Gonzaga and was accepted to Georgetown Law School. He was driving home from southern California with friends when their car was in a head on crash. Rick died immediately.

In 1974, with the shock of one death still in their minds, the unthinkable happened again. Pat was walking home one night in Boise, when a car crossed the the line and hit and killed Pat. This is when I first met Bud, Yvonne, Mike and Kathy. Shock is probably the only word that comes close to describing this family at our first meeting. I had no contact with any of them for several years after the funeral.

Fast forward 13 years and I get a phone call asking if I could help Kathy and her new husband Trey unload a UHaul. They had moved from Boise to Seattle. A couple years later Bud, Yvonne and Mike had all moved to Seattle also. It was during this time that I got close to the entire family.

Yvonne always seemed so positive. She had a habit of proclaiming that this was the best brocolli, or best steak or best whatever. It didn't matter what she was doing or eating, it was always the best she had ever had in her life. We used to tease her for this. She was always a good sport and took our teasing in the manner in which it was given - love.

Looking back I think Yvonne had it right. Today, whatever it is you are doing is the "Best". Why not? I want to live my life with the small child outlook as if this is the first time I've ever experienced whatever it is. Try it out next time you eat ice cream. Taste and experience it as if you have never had ice cream before. Trust me, it makes it a lot better. Relish each moment, each experience. This is a life lesson, that I learned from Yvonne.

Bud. Well Bud was Bud. He taught me how to tie knots, build a fence, play poker and most important, how to give a good toast. He loved raising his glass and making toasts. He taught me how to be a man after I reached the age where I should have already been one.

Everyone agrees that a father is important to the raising of a child. But I discovered that you also need a father after you are grown. There are many life lessons to be learned and it helps to have someone in that father role. Bud was that "father" to me.

Bud and Yvonne, although decades older than the rest of us, never let that slow them down. They hung out and partied with us. Not sure who was really older as they could outlast most of us. In fact for Bud's birthday we started an unusual party called "Bud Fest". Everyone invited is supposed to bring a couple bottles of their favorite beer so everyone can sample. It's now so big that it's a catered event.

Yvonne's birthday is in December, so it's a smaller dinner event, we call this "Yvonne-A=Thon". We always liked hanging out at Redhook Brew Pub. In fact both Bud and Yvonne have their own mugs here in the mug club. Redhook is our living room away from home. It's our comfort place.

This past year both Bud and Yvonne have slowed down considerably. It's been tough for Mike, Kathy and Trey taking care and watching their parents slow down.

June of this year, Yvonne passed. Then just about 6 weeks later (in fact it was today), Bud passed too. The time that they were never together can be measured in days.

I remember going to weddings. The DJ would always play the anniversary song. Every married couple would get on the dance floor and the DJ would announce
"OK, everyone married less than a year, sit down". A few newlyweds would sit down to polite applause. Then he would say "OK, 5 years", a few more sit.
Then he would increment in 10's. 10 years, 20 years. Then 25 years, then 30. About 40 years there would be no one else dancing except Bud and Yvonne. They would be smiling and laughing. He would go on, 45, 50, 55! No they were married 63 years!! Another lesson we all can learn from them.

Tonight, I went to their house. Mike allowed me to go into the house. I found myself there alone. I remembered the dinners and the holidays. I sat in Bud's big leather chair. I really didn't feel worthy of being there. Tears came so easy. Then I found myself just sobbing.

I will miss Bud and Yvonne. But, I'm not sure that is why I was crying. I think it was selfish. I will never be the man that Bud was, I will never have the happiness nor the sorrow that they experienced together. I felt guilty for making some life decisions a few years ago that made me miss some wonderful experiences with them.

They lived an amazing life. They experienced the cruelest of lifes challenges, loosing not one but two children. But they also experienced the best of life. They lived their last years as mother and father and best friends to Mike, Kathy and Trey. I feel honored that I got to be part of their lives, and I will never forget the lessons I learned. They also had a Love story that no one reading this blog will ever come close to experiencing.

So now, let's all raise our mugs:
"To Bud and Yvonne, great lives, great stories, great memories, and to those of us that knew them and got to experience two amazing people". CHEERS!

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Messages From Above

2008-08-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

First Message:
I had known Christopher for about a year. We had run into each other at several Out and Equal socials. Out and Equal is an organization of LGBT groups from most major companies in the Seattle area. Christopher is a Vice-President of HR and represents Bank of America. We had never dated but acknowledged each other at these socials. One day he chatted me up online and asked if I wanted to meet him for brunch. I accepted and we met at the DeLux and had a good time.

After brunch as we were walking to each of our own condos he asked if I wanted to attend a seminar with him the next week. Knowing nothing about it, I accepted. Wednesday night I drove to Fremont to the seminar. I soon discovered that after one date, he invites me to a seminar on Integrity.

in-teg-ri-ty - noun
1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
2. The state of unimpaired; soundness
3. The quality or condition of being wholesome or undivided; completeness.

The seminar itself was very interesting, in fact I signed up for a 3 day seminar in October that I hope will help with my self confidence.

Fast forward to this past weekend.

Message #2
An old friend Sherrill and her husband Dean called and invited me to join them for cocktails at Purr on Friday night. I met them and we had a great evening. We hit a couple other places and then they had to go home. It was about 10, so I thought I'd just drop into Madison Pub and see if any of my friends were there hanging out. I hadn't heard anything from anybody all night. I have a problem (hopefully to be fixed in October), if I don't get a text message from someone, then I feel that no one likes me. I was feeling kind of blue.

I take a fast walk and look around and there is no one there I know. I was about to leave, when I find myself in what appears to be a line. I asked the guy in front of me, if he was in line to play darts.
"No, just hanging around. Just got off work and I thought I'd see if anything was going on here tonight." I introduce myself to Jason. He's originally from Thailand but now lives in Fife. (I know you can't make this stuff up. Why can't I meet someone actually from the Hill or at least Seattle?).
I ask if he wants a drink, No thanks. He asks me if he can buy me a drink. No thanks. We start talking and we notice the Olympics are on TV. I ask if he'd rather come up to my place to watch them. He says OK.

We cross the street to my place and turn on the TV. The Olympics just got over but Jay Leno is on, so we sit and watch that. The whole time we are talking and having a good time.
When the Tonight Show is over, we turn off the TV and put on some music. We are still talking and enjoying each others company. He asks if it would be OK if we saw each other again. Maybe a movie next week or something. I of course agree.

At 3:30 am he says,"Wow, it's late, I have to go." I tell him he could stay over, but he says maybe next week when we go out.
I ask for his number so I can call him, he gives me the number and I program it into my cell. Then I dial the number telling him, here's mine so you can simply add it. The phone starts to ring, but he says,
"Oh, I left my phone in my car." I hang up, that's OK you should still have it. We tell each other goodnight and he leaves but looks back and says
"Call me."
I will.

Despite the late hour, I was really thinking that maybe, just maybe this was the guy that all my friends assured me would someday happen. I only had a few hours sleep but I was so excited the next morning. I held off calling him until afternoon since we were up so late.

Finally not being able to wait any longer, I called the number he gave me:
"Thank you for calling Schick Shadel Hospital, how may I help you?"
"Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number."

Not only did he give me a wrong number but he gave me the number for the "#1 Rated Drug and Alcohol Treatment Program", that's directly from their website.

Why would anyone give someone, that they had spent 4 hours with a wrong number? Have you ever given anyone a fake number? Has anyone given you a fake number?
If you've been reading my blog you know that I've had a lot of weird stuff happen, but this one really hurts. I thought we had made a connection.

But more important are these two episodes just a coincidence? or are the Dating Gods trying to send me a message?
Integrity
Drugs Alcohol

If you see a burning bush, look behind it you'll probably see me crouching in fear and denial.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Ships in the Night

2008-08-05T20:26:00.000-07:00

Looking for someone or having someone find you can be a bit tricky. Everyone is looking for a certain type or they have specific criteria. The problem for me is that I don't really fit into anyones idea of a "good" match.

Search the ads:
Craigslist
gay.com
manhunter

They are all the same. If you are under 30 - you are considered young and lots of guys are looking for this. Let's call these guys, Twinks. The bad news is after 30 in the gay community, you are considered OLD.

If you are rich, I mean really rich. Rich enought to buy guys cars and houses. No matter your age, or size or looks, you are one hot guy.

It's also desirable if you are ethnic, especially Asian or Latin.

Don't think that you have to be a pretty boy to have groups want you. Body types get special attention also. If you are big and hairy (Bears), you can hook up fairly easy. Even if you aren't hairy but simply FAT, there's a group (Chubby Chasers) looking for you.

And of course extremely well endowed guys are always popular.

What's missing from the list? Oh yea, regular sized middle aged middle class guys. We don't have a group. What's so weird about this is that there are a lot more of us than there are of them. So what's the problem?

After extensive research reading the ads (for research purposes only, of course), I discovered that we are our own problem. Here's a couple examples of real ads:

55 yo professional looking for under 30, smooth and Asian go to front of line.

42 yo bottom looking for big > 9 inches hairy top.

And it goes on and on. We are not looking for ourselves, we are looking for something we aren't. We all seem to be trying to live or re-live a fantasy.

I can't do anything about my age, ethnicity, size or money. I'm lucky to even have a job. So in today's environment if I want to be in a desired "group", my only hope is to eat and drink more. I'm fat now, but not nearly fat enough to get into the group. So I think I need to start a special diet. Take note Chubby Chasers, "Here I Come".

While we keep searching for something we aren't, we will keep passing each other in the night, not knowing what a good thing we are missing.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Life of Brian

2008-07-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

His name was Brian. He was the roomate of my friend Fedra. She had rented out a room in her home to him. Brian had just moved to Seattle from Lewiston, Idaho. Immediately she was telling us how cute Brian was. He had told her that he was a real estate agent.

After about a month of living with Fedra, he told her that he was tired of hooking up with a different guy every night. He was ready to settle down with a nice guy. For some reason, Fedra thought of me.

She tried talking me into asking him out. I kept telling her no. For one thing he's new in town and he's selling real estate? That's like being an actor or an artist. Another thing, he's 25 years old! and he has an 8 year old son!! Also he's really hot and he hooks up every night! Yea I want a boy friend like that.

We had met a couple times when we had parties or when everyone hung out together as a group. He seemed nice and he was cute.

One Sunday afternoon we are all at Piecora's eating pizza, when Mark (another friend) blurts out, "So, Brian do you want to go out with Rick?"
"Sure, that would be fun."
"Um, oh, well" I'm trying to sound intelligent, "How about tomorrow night we can go see the new movie Wall-E".
"OK, but how about tonight, do you want to go dancing with me at the Cuff?"
This was a total unexpected response. So I say, "Sure, why not? Let's go".

So we head on over to the Cuff. I pay the cover charges and buy us a couple drinks. We hit the dance floor. We dance for a while, then he pulls me off into a corner where we start making out and groping. We go back dancing then head back to the corner. Back and forth. All of a sudden I really like this guy.

After a couple hours of this, he tells me he's hungry and asks if I'll buy him dinner. If I remembered right we had just eaten pizza a few hours ago, but sure we can get something to eat.
We go on Broadway to Jai Thai. He eats like he hasn't seen food in days. I pay the bill and we walk hand in hand back to the Cuff. At the Cuff we resume our not so unpleasant routine of dancing and making out.

I looked at my watch and I see it's 12:30, and it's a school night! I have to leave,
"Would you like to come up to my place and spend the night?" I ask.
No, I think I'll just hang around here until it closes at 1, but you go ahead you have to get up early. So we kiss goodnight and I head home.

The next day I discover that as soon as I left he picked up TWO guys and took them back to his place. When I asked him why he didn't just come home with me, he answered that "he didn't like me like that". He just liked my money! He obviously has not seen my truck or my bank book. I told him that that was an awful thing to say. He said, "Well at least I'm honest, unlike all your other friends." That hurt even more. It had me questioning my relationships with my friends. Was I being used? Certainly not for money, but maybe something else? I was really confused.

Needless to say, I cancelled the movie. I found out that that night he told Fedra that he couldn't afford the next months rent. He had no job and no money. It seems his mom had paid a couple months rent for him. So Fedra kicked him out and he moved back to his mom and his son in Idaho.

At first I was upset that he didn't come home with me. Now I feel very lucky that he didn't. I know me, (a flaw that I am working on), if he would have come home with me that night, I would probably be writing Fedra a check for his rent. Of course it would have had to be a post-dated check. OR worse yet, he would now be living at my place!

I had very little invested in Brian but it's amazing how fast I can be swept into these bizarre situations. Like I said, I am working on it. I signed up for a 3 day course in October that will hopefully help me with a few of my character flaws. I'm still working on the doubts I have about my friends.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

7-11 Nacho Guy

2008-07-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

I was having dinner with a friend when the two guys at the table next to ours start talking to us. They are fun and entertaining. One of the guys is straight and he picks up on the waitress. She's about to get off work, so they wait until she's done. The straight guy leaves with the waitress and that leaves Jon all by himself. We ask him to join us. He does and we talk some more. We exchange phone numbers when we leave.

The next day I get a text message from him asking what I was doing the next Thursday night. It just happened to be the First Thursday of the month. That's the Art Walk in Pioneer Square. (See previous blog Friends andHaircut). I ask him to join us and he accepts. I was a little scared about what my friends were going to think of him. I didn't know him well enough yet to guage if he would fit in or not.

He meets us all at Mitchelli's for Happy Hour. We all seem to have a good time. Then we head off to look at a couple of our favorite art galleries. He acted like he was into art and made appropriate comments and asked artists some interesting questions. As the night progressed we got closer. He grabbed my hand and we walked hand in hand from one gallery to another. At one point he moved in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

When it was time to leave, I told him I'd drive him home. He said "OK".
We walked to my truck and I unlocked the door. He then changed his mind,"NO, I think I'll walk home."
"What? "
"No, really I'd rather walk."

OK, so I walk around to the passenger side to at least hug him goodbye, when he puts out his clenched fist. I look at it for a moment, then I clench mine and we do the "gang fist banging together" greeting.
He waves and walks away. Another weird ending.

But it gets better, (don't most of my stories get better?). The very next day Jon texts me and thanks me for a good time and asks what I'm doing the next week. Well it just happens that I had just got an email from Haircut Jim notifying everyone about Haircut night the next Tuesday.
So I invite Jon to Haircut night. Again a little apprehensive about him meeting my Haircut buddies. I had told them about the art walk thing, so they were watching him closely. Everyone got along and had a great time. How can you not have a good time at Haircut night?

After Luke picked Jim up, Jon asked if I was hungry. "Sure I'm always hungry." Just look at me, I haven't missed too many meals.
I ask "do you want to go to Broadway Grill or somewhere to eat?" "NO," he says "I want 7-11 nachos".
"What?"
So we get in my truck and start driving to 7-11. He then tells me, "Wait, I think you can just drop me off at 7-11, I'll go in get my nachos and walk home."
"What?"
"Yea, that's what I want, just drop me off."
By now I'm kind of mad and say "Sure, I'll just drop you off". He gets out of the truck, and I put it in reverse to leave, (my reverse gear still works), when I notice that he doesn't even go in the store. He simply just walks away.

Friends tell me he has something to hide. I'm learning lessons along the way. I don't think I'm going to ever date someone who thinks fine dining is eating a weiner from a street vendor or 7-11 nachos.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Weiner Boy

2008-07-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

It was a typical night at Martins. Martins is a piano bar off Madison on Capitol Hill. It's more laid back than your typical bar on the hill. They don't turn the volume of the music up every 20 minutes trying to entice you to buy more alcohol. Friday night, the piano player is Joe. He's also the piano man at the downtown Nordstroms.

I enjoy ending my Friday nights at Martins. Joe plays old ballads and lots of times everyone in the bar starts singing along. This particular Friday, I'm sitting alone at one of the leather chairs in the middle of the room. A guy comes up and asks if he could sit next to me. Of course, I said Yes.

His name is Kelly and he's a real estate agent. It seems that everybody on the hill is either a real estate agent or a massage therapist. We talk for awhile and buy each other a drink. By now I'm usually drinking water, but if a cute guy wants to buy me a drink, how can I possibly say No?

Joe then starts playing "Moon River". Kelly starts to quietly sing along. He takes my hand and looks at me directly in the eyes while singing. SIGH He's singing the song to me!!! At the end of the song he kisses my hand. This was probably the most romantic 4 minutes of my life.

We listen to a few more songs then he says he's hungry and asks if I want to leave and get something to eat.
"What do you have in mind?" (my imagination takes over now).
He tells me he wants a hot dog from the vendor down the street. (I have to tell you I was a little disappointed by this). If you are unfamiliar with Capitol Hill, there are hot dog vendors on a few corners. They set up about 10pm and stay open until about 3am. I say "OK, let's go, but let me close my tab first". I go up and stand in line at the bar, I get my tab, give them my card, sign the receipt and turn around and he's gone. I take a fast look around and I don't see him. I run out the door and down the street to the hot dog vendor. (Hint, Do NOT ever run down the street after a boy).

The street is crowded because there is a break between bands at Chop Suey. I frantically go through the crowd looking for Kelly. No luck, I run back to Martins thinking maybe he was in the bathroom or something when I left. No luck. I've never seen him again. Maybe he was an imaginary guy, maybe I just dreamed him up. But I do have a business card with his name and company on it. Should I email or call him? I don't know. I should be grateful for the short but remarkable time we spent together.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Haircut Night

2008-07-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

There are actually quite a few people that don't need an explanation of Haircut Night. No, it's not the night that I get MY haircut. It's the night that Luke gets his haircut.

Luke and Jim have been together for quite a few years now. They are the typical married gay couple. Two cars, camper, and a lovely house in Renton. (Go ahead and inject all your Renton jokes here). Being home owners in the suburbs, they don't go out that much. Unless you call going out, shopping at the Safeway store or working out at the 24 Hour Fitness, or camping. Not my idea of going out.

But when Luke gets his haircut all the way up in Edmonds, it's Jim's chance to go out. You may ask why does Luke get his haircut in Edmonds? Aren't there places in Renton or even Seattle that cut hair? You will have to read Luke's blog to get that answer. All I know is that sometimes we wish he was getting his haircut further north in Everett!

With very little notice, Jim will send an email to a core group of his friends announcing Haircut Night. He only has to tell us what night. We all know the time, the place and the rules. Most of us cancel whatever plans we may have had, so we don't loose out on a Haircut Night. We meet at CC's around 5pm. Jim drinks one lemon drop, then we share a pitcher of beer. Once the beer is gone we head on down to Madison Pub. The time is usually between 6 and 6:30. Here we usually share another pitcher.

Haircut Night has one of two endings.
1. Luke just wants to go home after his haircut, so he calls Jim when he's about a mile away. Jim swallows whatever beer he has left, hugs everyone goodbye and runs into the street waiting for Luke to pick him up. We all swallow, say goodbye and Haircut night is over.
OR
2. Luke decides that he wants to eat dinner on the hill. I guess since it's his haircut, every once in a while, he should get to enjoy Haircut Night too. Once Luke has made that decision via a phone call, we then start our friendly argument about where are we going to eat. The place has to serve rice in some fashion for it to be acceptable to Luke. We banter back and forth until a decision is finally made. With dinner, Haircut Night has been extended for a couple more hours.

Regardless how it ends, Haircut Night is always over by 10pm. Most nights it's over by 8pm.

Not that this is an exciting story, but the concept is interesting. I bet alot of us have these semi regular meetings and groups that we have found ourselves part of. I have another group that meets the first Thursday of every month in Pioneer Square for Art Walk. That one starts about 5:30 at Mitchelli's for Happy Hour. That's my favorite place because the bartender likes me and it seems that my wine glass never goes empty, at no charge to me. That's my kind of place.

These groups give us a chance to catch up on life, tell about new loves, old loves, or the lack of any love. We all belong together if just for a few hours. These people are very special in my life, even if most of us are middle aged queens. At least they are my middle aged queens.

My only concern about my two groups is what happens if Haircut night happens to fall on the first Thursday of the month? That will be a very hard decision for me to make. I only hope I never have to decide between Haircut Night and free wine in Pioneer Square.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

It Sucks To Be Me

2008-06-23T22:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. Some have sent emails asking if
1. I found someone and am in the process of living happily ever after, or
2. I died.
Well no, the answer is nowhere near either. I've been busy moving into my new condo. It's finally done! I had to get a new TV. My old one was way too big for my glorious 600 sq feet of living space. I also gave up my dining room table for 4 plastic bar stools that sit at the kitchen bar. Besides buying new stuff that I can't afford, painting walls, and trying to find a place for all my clothes, I've been busy at work. Yes, I still have a job. At least at the time of this blog. Everyday in the airline industry is a surprise, however.

I have dated a few guys but haven't found Mr. Right yet. I will blog later about a couple experiences.
I just learned that my truck no longer has a second gear. If you are like me,you have no idea what that means. But I'm told, and he had no reason to lie, a second gear is important. That is why my truck sounds so bad when I try to merge onto the freeway. If they can find a rebuilt transmission for an old truck, it will cost $2500 to get it fixed. The truck isn't worth that. But I can't afford a new or even a used car. So I'm thinking of driving it until it just decides to quit. I will then have it towed to the Salvation Army for a donation. I'm thinking about starting a pool to bet when it finally quits and what important event or date I'm trying to get to when it breaks.
I will then try to live my life without a car. My carpool folks have told me that if I iron their shirts, I could ride to work with them free! Even my carpool makes fun of my ironing habits.

This is the beginning of Seattle Pride Week. I put my rainbow flag off mybalcony. I also signed up and ran the Seattle Frontrunners 4K/10K Walk Run. This is the first event of Seattle Pride. I signed up for the 10K run. I had just done the 12K Spokane Bloomsday Run last month, so I thought I was ready. There were about 300 runners/walkers. You run around Seward Park, that's 4K. Then those running the 10K start the journey again, except after a while you detour up this steep hill and do a 2K loop, then return and finish the trek around the lake. I was about in the middle of the pack at 4K and I felt really good. Except at 4K everyone ahead of me AND behind me stopped. Was I really the only one running 10K? I continued and when I got to the steep hill there were about 50 runners all running together coming down the hill!! Everyone, I mean everyone doing the 10K was at least 2K ahead of me. And I still had to climb the hill. I kept looking back for someone else, but there was no one behind me. After I got to the top of the hill I started running down the hill. At the bottom ofthe hill there's a racing official on a bike, telling me I'm last but keep going and he'd see me at the end. (Oh I wish I had my bike then, because I'd beat the hell out of him riding back). So I keep on running. Finally I get close to the end. They didn't wait for me and had started the award ceremonies. I get about a half block from the finish line, and they stop the ceremonies and I hear the guy on the loud speaker announce, "and now coming in, our last runner Rick Wise". And I hear cheering. I was so embarrassed. Why couldn't they just let me quietly sneak across the finish line? I don't think I've ever been so humiliated. And you've all read my blogs, I've had plenty of humiliating experiences.'

Everyone was really nice and now looking back it was fun. But next year I'm doing the 4K. I will not put myself in that position again.

Sunday June 29 is the Pride Parade. It starts at 11am on 4th and Westlake and ends up at Seattle Center. We will be near the front of the parade. If you get a chance come on downtown and watch the madness. It's supposed to be nice weather.

So besides the humiliating run, my truck situation and the uncertainties about my job, why did I call my blog "It Sucks To Be Me"? I saw Avenue Q this past weekend, and that was the first song in the play.

It just speaks volumes about my life. But I guess we could all find something negative in our lives and join in the chorus. Come on everyone ---- "It Sucks To Be Me".
There was a character in the play called Gary Coleman, yes THE GARY COLEMAN, and when he told his story everyone agreed, it would suck to be Gary Coleman. So when you are feeling sorry for yourself, just think, at least you are NOT Gary Coleman.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

Red Flags

2008-04-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago I'm driving home in a blizzard. Yes it snows in Seattle in March! It's a Saturday night but I just want to get home safely. I get home and go online to answer some long neglicted emails. Suddenly I get a request to chat.

OK sure, why not? He says his name is Nicholas and asks if I want to meet him for a drink. Tonight? Yes.
Where did you want to meet? Renton! (insert about 1000 Renton jokes here).
Why Renton? I don't drive and that's where I live. (Redflag #1).
Are you looking for a hookup? NO, I'm looking for a LTR. (Redflag #2).

I have to be honest, if he would have send hookup, I might have driven to Renton. He had sent a picture, and he was cute.
Do you have a job? yes
Do you have a boyfriend? no

He pleads for me to drive to Renton to meet him. I tell him that if he's really looking for a relationship that we should start by chatting and talking on the phone and if we are still interested then we go out and see if there's any chemistry.
When can I call you? Oh let's say tomorrow afternoon. OK.
What's your number? so I give him my number (my first mistake).
Call me tomorrow after 1pm.

As soon as I entered my number my phone rings, Guess what? YES, it's Nicholas. (redflag #3).
I then tell him that he sounds really desperate, and ask if he just broke up with his boyfriend?Then he spills his guts. No, we broke up 6 months ago, but he has a restraining order against me. (redflag #4).
And I go to court next week, because he filed 3 complaints against me for violating the order. (redflag #5).
My public defender says I could get 3 years in jail! (redflag #6).
Why do you have a public defender? I have no job or money (redflag #7).
I thought you told me you had a job? I had one, but my boyfriend somehow arranged it for me to get fired. (redflag #8).
He again begs me to come to Renton. I tell him that I have to think about this and I will talk to him tomorrow.

Sunday about noon, I call him and it goes to voicemail. Why not sleep all day if you don't have to work? Anyway I leave a message that I've thought about this and he has a lot of stuff going on now, so get the court thing settled, get a job and get off drugs, then call me.
I just threw the drug thing in, because he was cute and weird and interested in me. You have to be on drugs if you are cute and interested in me!

The question to my bloggers "Are 8 red flags too many?" OK I know what you are all going to say, so let me ask this instead: "Why are guys like this attracted to me?" So if he calls me after the court appearance, what do you think I'm going to do? Stay tuned....

Until Next Time Wise OUT.

Wandered Lonely In The Woods

2008-03-10T20:58:00.000-07:00

I just got back from spending the weekend up near Leavenworth in the Cascades. A group of us, rented a cabin. We had to rough it, no cable or satellite. The only reception was a very snowy picture from a far off station in Spokane. Friday we spent giggling like little girls and acting goofy like young teenagers. Luckily we did have cell phone converage, because I called most all the businesses in Leavenworth asking if they would deliver ice cream, cheetos and chocolate to our cabin (about 30 miles from town). One of the chocolate stores told me the only place that delivered was a pizza parlor.

In my mind we could order a pizza and have the pizza guy stop along the way picking up all the other stuff. But the pizza guy said the furthest he would deliver was the Shell station (about 10 miles from our cabin), and all he would deliver was pizza and those giant plastic bottles of Pepsi. These weren't prank calls, I had the munchies. Instead we packed up the Toyota and drove to the Shell station ourselves, where we got everything we needed except the pizza.

Saturday we all went snow mobiling. Despite the noise and the gasoline fumes, it was fun. Going 40 miles per hour on those little trails with the cliff of the mountain only a few feet away was scary and exciting. I do have to say (and those that know me, have heard this before), "done that, don't need to do it again".

Sunday was spent acting like little kids, wrestling in the snow and whining when snow went down my back. The northern Cascades are simply breathless. And out there with no artifical lights the stars are amazing. To quote my favorite singer, and you all know who that is:
"Have you ever stared into a stary sky?
Lying on your back, you're asking why?
What the purpose? I wonder, who am I?
If you've ever stared into a stary sky"
You feel so small with the whole universe before you. But you also feel a part of it, like you do have a purpose. It let's all the day to day crap that fills your head, escape into the great unknown. To be replaced by wonder, beauty and restfulness.

Until Next Time - Wise Out

Disillusionment

2008-02-11T22:01:00.000-08:00

I've taken a few months off from blogging. I get inquiries asking when my next blog is coming out. Besides being therapy for me, I guess some must find it entertaining. Of course with the TV writers on strike, there has been very little competition.

A lot has happened to me these past few months - good, bad and bizarre. But I think I'm getting jaded or at least used to the feeling of disappointment in my life. I don't get that excited about someone or something new. I already know the ending of the story. It's like watching a rerun or taped version of the Super Bowl from 2 years ago. It was fun the first time but...

I don't get depressed anymore at the end of the story. In a way I'm sad that I've lost some of that innocence that I experienced when everything was new, exciting and full of emotions. Just recently a friend of mine for a couple years flaked out on me. We have had disagreements before, but we've always managed to patch things up. This time it is different. Too much stuff has happened. It's easy for me to forgive but very hard for me to forget. To quote my favorite artist (and she should be yours too), Brandie Carlile -www.brandiecarlile.com
"wishin' I was ten again - so we could be friends again"

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to the innocent and simple times? When events happened and seemed so huge, but in reality they were nothing. But now it's big stuff and we all know the final ending anyway. Is it worth patching up a relationship? That's my dilema. Where and when did I loose the "oh my god, that's beautiful" or the pain in my very soul when someone doesn't like me anymore? I'm now at the point where I go out with friends and have an occassional date. I have fun but nothing gets me so worked up that I stay awake all night crying or laughing and writing in my blog. There is no passion. I miss the passion. Maybe I just haven't found the right person or circumstances. While writing this blog the old Peggy Lee song "Is That All There Is" kept going thru my mind. For those unfamiliar with the song, it's taken from a story called "Disillusionment" by Thomas Mann. A synopsis of the story is:

The narrator is sitting in St Mark's Square in Venice when he falls into a conversation with a fellow countryman. The man asks, "Do you know what disillusionment is? Not a miscarriage in small unimportant matters, but the great and general disappointment which everything, all of life, has in store?" He tells how, as a small boy, the house caught fire; yet as they watched it burn down he was thinking, "So this is a house on fire? Is that all?" And ever since then, life has been a series of disappointments; all the great experiences have left him with the feeling: "Is that all?" And one day, death will come, and he expects it to be the last great disappointment. "Is this all?"That's how I'm feeling now - People come in and out of my life. No sorrow, no joy just- is that it?

If that's all there is my friend,
Then let's keep dancing
If that's all there is.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

The End Of The Year As We Know It

2007-12-12T17:06:00.000-08:00

Like all good journalists, at the end of the year, I'm too busy to come up with anything original, so I will follow others and do a year end perspective.

I started this blog because I was looking for an outlet to vent my hurt, sorrow and frustration over a just ending relationship.

I invited comments and boy did I get them. I never responded to anyone's comment because they were just that - comments. No one (except one, for your info "una mas cerveza" means another beer and "done esta los banos" where is the bathroom?) actually asked me a question or wanted a response.

If you only read the blog and not the comments you are missing more than 90% of the entertainment.

In preparation for the year-end blog I went back and reread all the entries and comments. I found that my editing and grammer has improved. I'm getting better at not mixing up tenses. I start in the present tense and moved to the past and back to present. See that sentence proves my point. LOL.

More importantly I discovered that the topics changed. From my crying about my life to real issues. We discussed (I call it a discussion when I blog and you comment) everything from my ridiculous and non-existent dating life to politics, religion, poverty and death. Heavy stuff - and here you thought I was just another pretty face. OK, maybe not pretty, but let's say passable and move on.

After rereading everything I discovered that life just isn't selfish stuff. I'm not 100% totally consumed with getting a date, even though some readers might not believe this. I still have to work and life happens around me. Everything is connected. Trying to get a date is still important, but so is the upcoming election, my family and friends.

I find that the blog is still an outlet to vent my hurt, sorrow and frustrations. But not just about an ending relationship anymore. It's evolved (as I have I hope) into a commentary on life in general.

For next year, I'd wish for more comments on the blog. It would be nice to get some dialoug going on the important things in all our lives.

I won't be posting to this blog as regular for a few months. As some of you know I also write a blog about American Idol. I don't promote the show and if you don't watch, for gods sake don't start now. Half the time I make fun of the people who do watch the show. When AI gets down to the last 10 or so, I start writing a weekly blog. With the writers on strike it will be interesting to see how witty and funny both Paula and Simon really are. You can read last year's blogs by going to http://wisewordsfromseattle.blogspot.com
This will be the url for this year's blog also. If you didn't read the blog last year and would like to be included in the weekly email reminder, send me an email. wiserick@gmail.com

But as weird things happen and world events scream to me to comment I will post blogs. After American Idol is over I will return to posting regular blogs here.

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and being my support group.

Have a Happy Hannakuh,
Merry Christmas,
Happy New Year and
Exciting Kwanza.

Until Next Year - Wise OUT

Live the Life

2007-11-19T17:48:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday night and I find myself sitting in the ICU room at Providence hospital in Everett. I'm holding the hand of my aunt who is on life support. This is the woman who didn't have any kids until I was about 8 years old. For those first years, she claimed I was her kid.

I leaned up and whispered to her and started reminiscing. I'm not sure she knew I was there or if she could hear me. This was entirely for me. I told stories and found myself laughing and crying.

Then it would get quiet and I would sit back down, still holding her hand. Then I'd remember another story and get up and whispered another memory.
She was so funny and alive. She came to my 18th birthday and by the time the party was over, all my friends fell in love with her.

My oldest cousin couldn't say Roberta, so she called her Dodo. And it stuck. I remember being about 10 years old at a family reunion. My older cousin, Kevin, called her Roberta. She stopped and pointed at him. "Listen if you're too big to call me Dodo, then you call me Aunt Roberta, but never just Roberta."
I remembered that vividly and I never wanted to disappoint her so I doubled it to Aunt Dodo.

After a couple hours I leaned over and kissed her and said "I love you Aunt Dodo, Goodbye." Then I walked out never looking back.

Some people have responded to my blog stating that it's OK to stay in and watch TV. Maybe that's right. But I believe we have to live life. If there's something you want to do - do it. If there's something you want to ask or say to someone, but afraid of the answer or not wanting to feel rejection. Go ahead and do it. Rejection is a feeling, proving you are still alive.

All too soon we will be lying in a bed with someone holding our hand and whispering memories. I may want to open my eyes and tell them I love them too or share one more story. Or maybe I just want to sleep and go peacefully. One thing I do know, I do want someone holding my hand.

We all live big huge lives. Think about it, we all have family and friends. We've had jobs we liked and jobs we hated. We've had success and failure. We laugh and cry. Then we end up in a bed connected to a machine clicking away every 2 minutes.

At 3:50 they removed life support and at 4:00 Aunt Dodo had died.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

The Bible Tells Me So

2007-11-17T21:03:00.000-08:00

This is one of the harder blogs I've written. Usually I simply write about my experiences. I guess its a slow news night. Last time I wrote about hypocrites and Republicans. Today I talk about Religion. I don't feel qualified writing this, I'm not a biblical scholar or a historian. I'm just writing my observations.

I get upset at right-wing Christians that quote the Old Testament while conveniently ignoring the lessons learned from the New Testament. The current argument they are expousing is that marriage is a holy union between one man and one woman. Well if one reads the Old Testament, marriage is actually a union between one man and several, even hundreds of women. Like I said I'm not a biblical scholar, so I guess I missed the part where the Red Seas parted and someone came forward and actually changed the definition of marriage.

They quote Leviticus as proof that homosexuality is a sin. People should try reading the entire book of Leviticus and discover that homosexuality is the same degree of a sin as eating shrimp. Think about that the next time you visit the Red Lobster.

There is a minister from Kansas that protests at the funerals of soldiers that have died in Iraq and Afghanastan. He and his followers claim the soldiers deserved to die because of the liberal policies of the US toward gay rights. I can't imagine what it would be like being a parent or a brother of one of these soldiers. Shame on anyone who does or thinks this.

Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Moslem, Buddhist, Hindu, Pagen or an atheist, we should all live by the words and wisdom of Jesus, Budda, Ghandi, and Martin Luther King Jr.

Gay bashing has been in the news lately. Seven gay men have been beaten on Capital Hill since this June. Those that claim and preach that being gay is a sin are adding fuel to the fire and are as guilty as the people doing the beating.

I highly recommend the movie "For The Bible Tells Me So".

If we live the words, the world would be a better place. Now go and live your life and be kind to each other.
Let It Be So
Amen
Shalom
Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Walk The Talk

2007-11-06T21:21:00.000-08:00

We all know people who say one thing, but then do and act another way. Most of the time it's just irratating and we can simply avoid them. Take note if I have avoided you lately. LOL.
However, when these people have some sort of hold or power over us then it's more than annoying, it is personal and important.

Just recently, Idaho Republican (is there another party in Idaho?), Larry Craig was arrested for soliciting an undercover cop in the Minneapolis airport. Earlier in his career there were rumors of him fooling around with male congressional pages.

Then last week, another Republican right here in our state (yes, we do have some Republicans), a state representative from Vancouver was "outed" after he reported to the Police that a male hustler was trying to blackmail him. Let's call this representative GOP.

Here's what we do know about the most recent event:
GOP was in Spokane attending a Republican state meeting. He went to an adult bookstore wearing red fishnet stockings. He met a young (very cute by the way) male, let's call him HOT. They went back to GOP's hotel. Everyone involved agrees with the story so far. Now there seems to be 3 different versions.

GOP's version: "We went back to the hotel and talked for a while, then I gave him $300 for gas." (Even in these days of Republican caused higher gas prices, I'm not sure what kind of car could take that much gas, but I digress).
"He asked for more money, but I didn't have any more. He took my wallet and id. He called me the next day and threatened to tell them that we had sex unless I paid him $1000. I called the police to report him." (For our story we'll simply call the police, POLICE.

HOT's version: "We went back to the hotel and had sex. He gave me $300. The next day, I'm arrested."

POLICE'S version: "We got a call from GOP saying he did have sex with HOT and paid him $300. HOT wanted more but GOP refused. HOT threatened to go public if he didn't get the money. Then GOP called the police."

Three versions of the same story. You choose. In this case (and it's not always so), but I think I believe the POLICE version.

These politicians don't realize the problem isn't that they are gay, or even that they are closeted. But the problem is that they consistently vote against gay rights. They both were powerful and have stopped legislation that is fair and long overdue. Both of these public Republicans have been very anti-gay in their voting and public statements. This just gives fodder to those unstable hate mongers. So these public people are dangerous. They will do anything to protect their secret. If you can't walk the talk, at least change the talk.

A couple blogs ago I stated that I had never met a gay Republican before, now I'm thinking that they are all gay, closeted but gay. GOP used to stand for Grand Old Party.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Sex For Tacos

2007-10-30T19:55:00.001-07:00

I met Jose on the beach of Puerto Vallarta. He was playing in the waves and everytime it knocked him over he would pop up from the water laughing. He had a great smile. He was small, a few inches shorter than me and probably 20 lbs lighter. Except for the height he was my ideal weight. But hey, I'm trying.

He looked 15, but insisted that he was 19. The "legal" age in Mexico is 18 but it seemed every young looking kid there was 19, not 18, not 20 always 19.

As I got up to leave, he followed me up the beach. He ran and caught up with me and told me his name, his age and that he was hungry and would do anything for some food. I bought him 2 tacos on the beach and went back to my hotel.

That night I saw Jose again at Frida's my favorite bar. He came up to me and offered me a sex act for food. I told him I'd buy him some food. Right there in the bar, he got on his knees and started to pull my pants down. "No, Jose get up" I demanded. I bent down and picked him back up. "No sex" I tell him. He starts to cry. "No, it's OK, I will get you food". He then smiled. I went out in the street and bought him some food. He ate the tacos and I told him to go home. He told me his parents had died and he had no home. He lived on the beach!

Every day I was there I'd make sure he had something to eat. On my last day, I'm sitting on the beach and a guy I'd never seen before comes running up to me and says my friend Jose needs me and to bring my towel. It seems a big wave had knocked him down and his oversized basket ball shorts had fallen off and disappeared in the tide.

I went into the water and wrapped the towel around him. He was crying. I took him up to the bars bathroom where he showered. I went and got his only possessions. A little plastic bag that had a shirt and jeans. He had no shoes.

I had brought 2 swimming suits and a pair of flip flops. I went back to my hotel and brought the extra suit a tshirt and my flip flops. I gave them to Jose.

I can't judge what Jose does or has to do to survive. But I can be grateful that for 4 days he could take a break. He didn't have to worry about food. I learned a lot from this little boy. He had absolutely nothing, yet he was happy, he could laugh, and he had friends. I think about the many times, I'm feeling blue and crying . I always joke that my life is pathetic. Then I usually put a LOL (Laugh Out Loud for those unfamiliar with the new talk) afterwards. But after meeting Jose I realize my life isn't pathetic, I'm pathetic. How dare me feel sorry for myself. We take a lot for granted, but in reality there's a lot more people in the world like Jose than there are like you and me.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Is It Cheating?

2007-10-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Last week I asked for no comments and I ended up with 5 comments, 6 emails, 2 phone calls and a visit in person. Just like gay.com the best hook up line is "not looking for a hook up". It's as if it's a challenge. You are guaranteed a hook up every time. I save this line for when I'm really desperate.

Speaking of desperate, I just recently returned from a trip to Puerto Vallarta. This is the annual Boyz Fest. Last year it was held in Palm Springs. I know there's prostitutes everywhere but it's so obvious in Mexico.

It's amazing how many old, fat, ugly guys go down there alone and within hours have a cute Mexican guy escorting them around the city, sometimes for weeks at a time. Not sure how much it costs but I'm not that desperate yet. Now maybe when I go down next year I will be that desperate. Then I'll really have interesting stories to blog about.

I wish I could write that I found the "love of my life" down there, but I can't. I did meet Oswaldo at Frida's (an old gay cantina bar) the first night. I was sitting at one end of the bar and he was at the other. We did the international gay eye contact thing (I wonder if Senator Craig knows this secret too?). He came over and started talking to me. He was originally from Guadalajara, but had moved to Puerto Vallarta about 5 years before. He was 35 and spoke good English, which is good since my 3 years of high school and 4 years of college Spanish suck. I can say una mas cerveza por favor y donde esta el banos?

We stayed at the bar talking until 2:30am and then he walked me back to the hotel. What a gentleman! He kissed me goodnight, then left. I thought that would be the last I would see him, but he showed up at the Blue Chairs on the beach the next afternoon. We spent a few hours on the beach, in the ocean and drinking mas cervezas. He then asked if I wanted to go back to his house, (casa).

His place was amazing, very beautiful, he had a swimming pool in his living room! We didn't talk about what he did for a living but he was out the night before and at the beach during the day. He actually bought the drinks at the bar and all the food and drinks on the beach too.
Anyway we got in his pool and started making out. One thing led to another and he pulled me out and took me to his bedroom. But then I stopped it. For some reason I had a feeling that I was cheating, which is totally bizarre. I'm single, and not even a hope of a date let alone a boy friend.

I apologized to him and got dressed. He was such a gentleman, he again escorted me back to the hotel. I saw him again a few times at the bar and the beach. He would buy me a beer but didn't try anything or ask me out again.

I've done things in my life that I'm ashamed of, and I've done things that I should be ashamed of but with Oswaldo no matter what would have happened it would not have been a shameful thing.

It's been a couple weeks since I've been back and I'm still confused about the cheating feeling. Wish there was a witty ending to this story, but there's not, just confusion.

Next time I blog about poverty or sex for food.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

What Price Happiness

2007-10-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

Have you ever killed anyone? Or destroyed someone so bad that they have no reason to live? Well I have.

Everyone has a "coming out" story, and like I said in previous blogs, I'm not going to bore you with mine. But it seems that most "coming outs" produce consequences. Lives change. Sometimes younger guys are thrown out of their house and have to live on the streets. Sometimes families are accepting, some not. But one thing is common and true: It's never the same.

After I came out (or pushed out), my life actually changed for the better. I was finally comfortable with myself. I got my own place, found out I had a flair for decorating (I am gay, you know), and discovered who my real friends were.

But in the process I totally destroyed my oldest and best friend and mother of my two beautiful daughters. She of course blames me for her drinking, which I know isn't true. She had been drinking excessively for years before. I should have dealt with this problem before I left. It is now the responsibility for her kids to get her help.

She is correct, however, when she blames me for destroying and changing her life. She has always needed someone to take care of her. That was my job and I abandonded her. She now has to work this out, but she's not strong enough to do this on her own. She has family and friends to help her, but she's pushing them away.

I'm now questioning myself. Was it really worth the destruction of one human being so I could be happy? I think the price was too high.

Until Next Time - Wise - OUT

Show Me The Money

2007-09-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

We are all inundated with pleas and requests for money. There are literally hundreds of charities and causes that want our money. And that's not counting the people you work with who bring in Girl Scout cookies and catalogues full of junk.
Who buys wrapping paper from the guy in the next cubicle?? Remember when we were kids? we had to go door to door selling this crap. Now the parents just bring it to work.

Anyway my point is, there are lots of good charities and causes out there. I don't have enough money to support them all. I have to read up and decide which ones I will support.
I send money to those that I feel will do the best job on the issues that I care about. Monthly I have money automatically sent to Lifelong AIDS Alliance. After going to some board meetings and reading about them on the web I decided that this is a very good organization. Go to the web site and check it out:

www.lifelongaidsalliance.org

You have to be very special to get my money, unless you are a good looking boy. I wonder if I can get a charitable tax deduction from some of the dates I have been on? Anyway besides Lifelong, I send money to HRC, my Unitarian Church and Hillary. I used to feel guilty when I'd get a pledge card in the mail from a really good organization, but didn't have any money to send them. But because of therapy, I have very little guilt left in me. And the guilt I do have is reserved for more serious personal issues. I just do what I can and I don't feel bad about the stuff I can't do.

This Saturday, September 29 is the Seattle AIDS Walk. All proceeds will go to Lifelong AIDS Alliance.
Alaska Airlines does have a team for the AIDS Walk. The team was organized by Justin Giossi. If you know Justin, you know that he isn't just another pretty face, with a posse of hot boys by his side. No, he is very dedicated and we are lucky to have him organize our team. He is one of those guys that we all want to be. So if you want to join the team, or if you can't walk but would like to donate, please follow this link and do what you think is right.

http://www.lifelongevents.org/site/TR?team_id=7260&pg=team&fr_id=1160&s_tafId=6994

In conjunction with the AIDS Walk there is a Bachelor Auction on Thursday at the Havana Social Club, 1010 E. Pike Street. Don't worry, I'm not one of the guys up for sale. For one thing, they wouldn't make any money. As I read on restroom walls, "I'm cheap and easy". Or did I write that? Not sure but it doesn't matter. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, "Why pay for something, you can get for free?"

The Auction will be a lot of fun. Come on out and bid on a hot boy. There might be hot girls for sale too, I'm not sure how these things are organized. And the Havana Social Club is a lot of fun.

So my advice is (remember how much you are paying for this advice), do what you think is right, and do what you can to help.

I'm going to Mexico for a while, so I won't be blogging for a while. It's time to get out there and live a little and get more material for the blog. As always, you can post comments here or email them to me at wiserick@gmail.com

Until next time - Wise - OUT.

SEX, LIES, and the INTERNET

2007-09-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

In the bars people lie about their jobs, their income and their cars. On the internet people lie about all that and more. Online we can be anything and anyone we want.

If someone just wants to have cyber, then it really doesn't matter if you lie about everything. In fact it can be a fun fantasy. But if there's a chance you are actually going to meet someone in person, you need to be careful about your lies. Below are a couple hints for lying:
1. Income - online most people really don't care about this, so if you have to lie, save it for something more important.
2. Age - ask your friends and strangers how old you look. And trust the strangers more than your friends. Generally anything more than 5 years is probably going to get you caught.
3. Weight - most people know their own weight, so they are going to compare themselves to you. You should be safe with a 5 to 10 lb lie. Anything beyond that - you're on your own.
4. Height - again if you actually meet someone they will be able to tell fairly soon how tall you really are. Don't add more than an inch to your height. In fact that same rule applies to any other organ you want or need to exaggerate about.

If you post a picture make sure it's you and fairly recent. I met a guy in his 40's that had posted his high school graduation picture. Except that he was 20+ years older he still had his 1980's mullet hair. Needless to say that was not an enjoyable experience.

This is the third and last of the series of guys who answered my Craigs List ad.

His picture was hot, he said he was a construction worker. With the picture and occupation, I had dreams of that Coca Cola ad where the guy without a shirt is drinking the Coke.
We made a date to meet at a restaurant.

That night he called me about an hour before we were to meet. He said he had worked overtime and was tired and asked if we could just go to his place and watch a video. I should have learned my lesson from the blinking tshirt guy, (see previous blogs) but no, I said OK. Images of drinking Coca Cola was going through my head.

I got to his building and rang the doorbell. Someone answered and said come in.
I asked if my date was there and he said he was my date!
He was not the guy in the picture and certainly not a construction worker. He was older, fatter and frankly quite ugly.
The door slammed shut, and locked.
He tells me I have to sign in. For some reason I sign my name in a ledger. I'm in total confusion. I just walked into twilight zone.
He takes me back to his room.
He tells me that this is a half way house. I never learned what kind but I never saw an ankle bracelet. He comes over to me and tells me he just wants to have sex. He doesn't really want to date, watch a video or even drink Coke.

To his credit, he was understanding when I said, "Hell, NO, and I wanted to leave".
He walked me to the door, signed me out and unlocked the door.

Walking home I was very confused. How can someone lie like that? And more important, do these weird things just happen to me??

Until Next Time - WISE OUT.

Grandpa @ 40

2007-09-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

It started out interesting. He answered my Craigslist ad. I asked if he wanted to meet at Starbucks for a coffee. He said he lived down by the airport. I said fine, let's meet at the Southcenter Starbucks.

He answered that he was a little scared, he hadn't dated in years, and wasn't sure what to do. I wrote back, well we go into the coffee shop, stand in line and order what we want to drink. Since it's a first date, we will each pay our own way. We get our drinks, sit down and talk a little while. If we have a good time and like each other, we arrange another date.

He answered, "No, I mean about kissing and sex."
I answered, that I was pretty sure that Starbucks frowned on having sex in their store, and depending on the location of the Starbucks, kissing was probably out also, especially in south Seattle.

So we met. I was anticipating a good time, because I thought our emails were witty and fun. He shows up and he's wearing a torn dirty tshirt and has greasy long hair. (Always ask for a picture). I guess you don't have to look your best for ME, but please take a shower.

We get our drinks and I start asking the usual questions: Where are you from? Seatac (who in the hell is really from Seatac?) He was raised in the trailer court just next to the building I work in. Well we have the Hood in common. He tells me, he got married when he was 15. He got the girl in the trailer next door pregnant. Supposedly, parents can sign their kids away at 15 and get them married off. So he has a couple kids. At 18 he joined the Navy. At 21 he gets discharged from the Navy because "he told - and someone asked." He got divorced, but is still friends with his wife.

His daughter got married at the ripe old age of 16, she's a slower learner than her parents.
So this guy with greasy hair and no personality who just turned 4o has grandkids. And he has pictures. We spent most of the next hour looking at kids. "Sweet cute kids" is what I say, of course I'm thinking just the opposite.

Am I snob? I did not come from a priviliged background. I'm from Spokane for gods sake. And the Hillyard neighborhood at that. I remember as a kid waiting in line for free government cheese. Is it something more than your net worth? I have friends that I hang out with that probably make less than he makes. I personally know people that have had a rougher life than this guy. What is it? After the date I examined the date. I realized that he wasn't witty on the email. I was witty. He was nothing. Is this a class thing ?

My opinions and my judgements on this guy have had me examinging my own values. I won't see the guy again, I just have nothing in common with him. But part of me can relate with him, It makes me scared. Do you have thoughts or opinions about class and different values? Have you ever experienced anything like this? The most important question I have: "Am I a snob?"

Next Blog - Halfway House Boy
Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Craigs List

2007-08-29T17:26:00.000-07:00

"Somewhere Out There in this big city there's someone for me.
Looking for a nice guy to go to movies, ballgames, and just hang out with. I like to travel and take midnight walks. No smokers please. Height and weight close to proportional, I know how hard this can be as we get older. Ages 30 - 50 give or take 5 to 10 years. If closer to 30 please be free of drama and be ready for a relationship. If closer to 50 please look and act younger. If this is you and I'm what you are looking for, send me an email and let's get together for coffee or something and see if there's any chemistry."

OK that's what my Craigs list ad said. Not 10 minutes after the posting, I get an email. WOW this is terrific. I open the email and there's a pic (that's what we bloggers call pictures) of nothing but a huge erect penis. I don't think I've ever used that word before, but I have to watch my language on this site. Anyway besides the pic there's just one word, "Interested?"

I go back and reread my ad and see if there was anything in the ad that someone could have taken the wrong way. Maybe my reference to ballgames? I looked again and I accidently posted my ad to the Craigs list site for hookups, not dating. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I had to call Mr. Not So Perfect and ask for help. After laughing hysterically, he guided me through the process to remove it and repost it to the right site.

Within 3 days I got 4 responses that sounded promising. I will write about 3 of them. Only the bizarre get mentioned here on my blog. I don't want everyone thinking that if you date me, you will be exposed and written about.

My 3 "interesting" guys will be known as Halfway House Boy, 40 Year Old Grandpa and this blog's story Mr. Republican.

We emailed back and forth a few times over a week and decided to meet Saturday afternoon at Golden Gardens Park in Edmonds. By the way if you have never been there, you have to do that sometime, it's beautiful. We walk along the beach and end up at a restaurant where we order fish n chips and beer. He orders Bud Light. Oh Oh.

It wasn't the most boring time I've ever had but it wasn't very exciting either. I was ready to go home. He insisted on paying. Oh Oh, now I owe him a lunch. So we make plans to meet the next Wednesday night at Anthony's in Edmonds. As we are walking out, he says "you are way better than the last blind date I had."
I say, " what do you mean?"
He says, "that guy was a Democrat."
I stop in my tracks, "what do you mean? I am a Democrat. Are you a Republican? "
He says "yes".
I say, " Wow, I've never met a gay Republican before." Of course I'm not hanging out in the bathrooms at the airport.

He says "at least you don't always talk about politics."
Of course he really doesn't know me too well. But trying not to be prejudice, I live up to my committment and still show up on Wednesday. There was an awkward silence for the first 10 minutes, then he starts telling me about his hunting trip last year. As far as I was concerned, he could have been talking about walking the halls of the school with a shot gun. I was appalled. I couldn't eat fast enough, paid the bill and said good night.

Now I know why I'm a Democrat. Have you ever had an encounter with a Republican? Was it fun?

Next Time - the second guy from Craigs List.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

I'm a Dick

2007-08-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

It just didn't seem right, Mr. Not So Perfect and Best Friend were out having fun and I was at home feeling sick. Maybe I needed to start dating. So after a whopping 2 days of mourning, I went online and started chatting with guys.
By the way there are two tag lines that will get guys chatting with you immediately. One is "just dumped by boy friend" and "not looking for hookups".

So I quickly started chatting with, let's call him "Nice Guy". We chatted for over an hour and set up a meeting the next evening at Starbucks.

We both arrived at 6. He definitely got points for punctionality. We started talking and he was cute, and very interesting. Then he started talking about his recent trip to Victoria. Mr. Not So Perfect and I stayed at the same hotel and we did just about the same things as Nice Guy.

It brought back memories and I started to tear up. I excused myself and ran and got the key to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I couldn't stop crying, and then I got sick and threw up - NICE. I cleaned up and returned the key, and walked out and went home. To my knowledge Nice Guy is still sitting there waiting for me to return.

I don't have his phone number or email, and I have not seen him online since. I was not ready to go out and start dating. Treating Nice Guy like this, just made me feel worse. Have you ever been mean to someone you dated?

I stayed home depressed for another week. Then I started venturing out again with friends or by myself. It's funny, places that you used to go with Mr. Not So Perfect or Best Friend used to be really friendly. Kind of like Cheers, Everybody Knows Your Name, and They're Always Glad You Came. Places where the cute boys would talk and flirt with you. But when you come in alone, it's like you have a bright pink L painted on your forehead. Nobody talks or even looks at you anymore.

What's with this Seattle attitude? Has anybody had experiences like this? If you are alone, you are a looser and nobody wants to talk to you. If you are with someone, then you seem worthy of conversation.

Let's stop this attitude now. Next time you are at a bar or restaurant and you see someone alone, walk over and say Hi. You don't have to give him a blow job. Just start a conversation. It is amazing how many interesting people are out there, just waiting to share their story. You will be richer for the experience.

Mr. Not So Perfect posted a comment on this blog that we all learn something from our relationships. I feel bad for Nice Guy, and I feel sorry for all those sitting alone somewhere just waiting for someone to come up and say "Hey, how's it going?" I've learned many things since the Breakup. I hope I am now a more patient person. And I hope I never treat anyone like I treated Nice Guy.

If anyone has heard this story from Nice Guy, please send me his email or phone, I need to apologize.

Send me your stories of when you weren't the best you could be. Next time I actually put an ad on Craigslist.

Until Next Time - Wise OUT

Dating?

2007-08-15T21:47:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm suddenly single, I have to think about dating again. The only experience I had before Mr. Not So Perfect (see I do listen to the comments), was a disaster. It really wasn't even a date.

It was mid October last year. I had started drinking very early that day and I had quite a buzz on when I was up on the hill at Manray's (yes the center of intellectual conversation). Standing in line for another drink, I notice the guy behind me is wearing a blinking Star Trek t-shirt. First clue to keep my mouth shut. "Very Cool shirt", I say. He says thanks and we buy each other a couple drinks. After a while we head on down the road to Neighbors to dance.

We dance for a while, and he drags me out to the alley where we start making out. Then we go back in, and after a few more dances and drinks, we go back out to the alley. About the third time, he keeps walking and we end up getting in his car and we drive off. It is true what your mother said, "DO NOT GET IN CARS WITH BOYS". Of course I'm not paying attention to where we are going. We end up at his place.

We walk into his place and I swear to god there is this almost life size model of the StarShip Enterprise. This is my second clue to run. "Wow, really cool almost life size model of the StarShip Enterprise", I say. He gets really excited, and comes over and takes off my shirt. He then says, I want to bareback you. WHOA, there's a whole bunch wrong with this. If you don't know what barebacking is, just believe me it is very unsafe, and I'm not doing that, no matter how drunk I am or how cool his tshirt is. I pull away and say NO!

He comes at me again and I push him away again. He out weighs me by about 50 lbs. He grabs me, and now I'm scared and mad, I push him hard and run out of his place. The door slams behind me, and holy crap, it's f''en cold out, I don't have a shirt on and I have no idea where I am. My options are to knock on the door, get my shirt and get directions or just start walking.

I decide to walk. My cell phone is at home, but I think I will run into a cab or a cop or something. You know at 3:15 in the morning there's not a lot of people driving around. It's foggy out so I have to walk right up to the street signs to see them. After about 10 minutes of walking I run into the Group Health Hospital. OK now I know where I am. I'm still miles from my place, but I feel a little better, freezing but better. Never saw a car the whole walk home.

Got home just before 4am. Had to walk thru the lobby where the guard I'm sure was wondering what happened to me. But I was in no mood to talk.

OK start the comments coming in about how stupid I was. My questions to you this week are:
What was your worst date?
Have you ever hooked up with a real looser?

Since this was my only experience before Mr. No So Perfect, I was not looking forward to hitting this scene again.

Next blog I actually do get out of the house and have a real date.
Until Next Time - Wise OUT.

The BreakUp

2007-08-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

There were problems before The BreakUp. We talked about and argued about ending it two other times. In fact we were both on probation when it happened. Mr. Perfect was leaving in a couple weeks for Vermont. He was going to a friends wedding and visiting his parents. This was a trip that months before we had planned on going to together. But as it got closer, he told me he wasn't ready for me to meet his family. He hadn't come out to them yet. OK, everyone has to do it when they are ready.

I was disappointed. I wanted to meet his friends and see Vermont. He always had stories of the place, his friends and his parents. We looked his little town up in a old book we found in the library. I was so much looking forward to going and sharing this with him.

I also noticed that besides a couple friends in Seattle, he never introduced me to his other friends. He talked a lot about them but he never wanted us to meet. I really felt like he was ashamed of me.

Before his trip we decided we would take the week that he was gone and really think about our relationship. When he got back each of us would say Yes, I want to make it work, or No, it's over. If either of us said No, it was over.

The night we broke up he was at Manray's with his ex girl friend. I showed up and we were having a good time. But then she told me she was taking off work to spend some time with his brother who was coming to town that weekend. I was told by Mr. Perfect that he didn't want me showing up. He wasn't ready for brother to meet boy friend. I got mad, his ex girl friend could meet brother but not current boy friend! I confronted him right in the middle of the bar, he said I was overreacting. I asked "you want to break up" he said YES.
THE END

He really was a good boy friend but he had issues, as so did I. But he didn't turn out to be a good ex boy friend. At least not at first. I found out that that Mr. Perfect and Best Friend (see last weeks blog) spent the night we broke up together. They both say nothing happened and I (I know send me your comments) believe them. They did start kind of dating right after that.

I think that's what made me so upset. I'm sitting home crying and Mr. Perfect and Best Friend are going out and having fun. When Mr. Perfect did go to Vermont he texted and called Best Friend, bought him presents and was really hoping for a new relationship. This was my trip and he was sharing it with Best Friend. I lost a boy friend and a best friend.

I tried to keep emotion out of this version of the story. Today Mr. Perfect and Best Friend aren't dating. Not sure if its over or if it never really began. They are still friends and text and call each other regularly. I think Mr. Perfect would like to expand the relationship. Not sure about Best Friend. I've known him about 2 years and I'm still not sure of what he wants or his intentions.

Mr. Perfect has come out to just about everyone at his new job. I'm very proud of him for this.

Both Mr. Perfect and Best Friend want to remain friends with me. And I do answer their texts. I have fun when I'm with them. Enough time has gone by that the hurt has not been forgotten but it has faded.

My questions to you this week:
1. Do I stay friends? with one or both?
2. Was anyone guilty of anything?
3. Have you experienced anything like this?
4. Should I just grow up and get over this?

Friends

2007-08-01T22:33:00.000-07:00

How does one define a friend?

My cousin and I have had this discussion and we came up with a hierarchary. You have "A" friends, and "B" friends and so on and so on. As your life changes and people move in and out of your life, friends move up and down the scale. We all only have so much time to devote to friends, so we have to make choices. Of course your "A" friends get most of your time and energy.

But what makes an "A" class friend? Post your ideas to the Blog.

This is a story of a particular friend. This guy started out as a complete stranger and very rapidly became a very big influence on my life. This guy will be known as Best Friend. He will be in future blogs, as he plays a big role in what's going on today. I have laughed and cried because of Best Friend.

Most relationships start out as friends. Eventually some of these move beyond friendships to dating then maybe partners. So how does this happen? I'm sure we've all been in the situation where we want the friendship to be more. Or we've been on the otherside and our friend wants it to be more. But we really weren't interested. How did you handle that?

I made the mistake of telling my friend that I wanted to take it to another step. He did not want this and said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I took him at his word, and in my mind I thought OK soon he would be ready. I was always there for him, supported him in many ways, and did whatever it took to be a good friend. He never came around until Mr. Perfect entered the picture. (see prior posting). Now what do you do? The guy you wanted is suddenly available but you aren't.

Best Friend says he loves all his friends, but its love with a little l. Not the big L stuff.
Best Friend gave me a gift that I have hanging on my refrigerator. It says "May friendship, like wine, improve as time goes by." Now that a lot of time has gone by, I'm not sure if it has improved or has already turned to vinegar.

The whole friendship thing is a strange concept. Best Friend told me yesterday that friends are fun to hang out with, but nothing more, you don't want to trust them or get too involved. I thought that's what friends were. Someone you can really depend on. Am I wrong in this?

Send me your definitions of friendship. Have you fallen in love with a friend? How did that work out? If you don't want to post something public, go ahead and send me an email to wiserick@gmail.com.

Me makes One

2007-07-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

Being gay and single in Seattle is not a fun experience. After the breakup (more on this in later blogs), I find myself single again.

I have to evaluate my feelings. I'm alone, and I feel sick. Is it I miss my ex (Mr. Perfect) or do I miss the idea of a relationship? I miss the daily emails that I sent him with a song of the day. The reading of the Sunday paper with him, trying to get him to understand the idea of rotating the piles between read and unread. The walks to Top Pot donuts.

Is it the loss of him specifically or the loss of having someone to share these moments?

This is my blog. It won't always be negative nor will it always be funny.; It will be real. My true feelings about relationships, and life in general.

I realize I'm not alone and breakups happen all the time. But that doesn't make me feel any better.

I'd like to share my feelings and experiences, but I also invite you to post comments. Maybe share your experiences, or tell me I'm all wet, or offer advice.

Alone, gay in Seattle is what this is all about. I'd like to say I'd post a comment every day or every week, but those of you that know me, know that I can't live with that kind of committment, maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend anymore.

Anyway, lets do this together.

Until next time - Wise OUT.